Who said anything about falling in love?
by munchkinjenny05
Summary: AU- Mckinley High is a very different place, the playground of kids with money and without boundaries. In order to exist you have to be ruthless. Quinn is Queen Bee and happy at the top, until the arrival of Rachel Berry makes her question her priorities...
1. Chapter 1

**Usual disclaimer, I don't own Glee, I'm just borrowing its character's for a while.**

**Authors note: This idea came to me out of the blue. I pictured the school as like an American version of Brabourne (the school from the 2001 film The Hole.) I borrowed some dialogue about survival at that school for the beginning of this fic. **

**In this universe, Mckinley is more like Dalton Accademy, that's to say, it's a private school full of mainly rich kids. It is run by a group of mean girls with Quinn as the leader. Totally AU as is typical from me LOL.**

**Mainly I wanted to finally write a story in first person for a change, to see if I can. **

**For once I don't have much idea where this is going, except that it will be Faberry if continued. Let me know what you think, I'm not sure if I like it as much as my other stories or if it is worth continuing...**

Here's how it works at William Mckinley High School. If you want survive you have to be pretty and you have to be thin. Those are the basics. Everyone else is either invisible or wishes that they were. There's more, to be on top of the hierarchy you have to be either a total bitch or a complete slut. You have to make an impact, and these are the only weapons us girls have. Those who don't are just wallpaper. A bad reputation is worse than none at all; at least you've been noticed. This is especially important when you are competing for the attentions of the truly privileged, the sons of Rock stars and politicians. That is why I secured my boyfriend Finn Hudson. His status and that of his father has opened doors for me. It is a shame that he is a bore and we have zero chemistry, but I didn't make the rules.

I, Quinn Fabray may have been Queen Bee here at Mckinley High consistently for the past two years, but these traditions were engrained long before I clawed my way through the ranks. I learnt the system pretty fast, same as the other kids and I had that identical choice to make. Fortunately I had the benefit of beginning the school year late. The pecking order was already established, but I had heard the war stories about the long line of girls vying to become the new HBIC. Those days were carnage. The chosen leader was a girl who embodied both the bitchy and slutty stereotypes with zeal. All the boys wanted her and every girl was scared stiff of her, it was the perfect combination. She was the type of girl that would make your blood run cold if you met her alone in the bathroom. This girl was worse than anything I could ever dream up, but nonetheless I knew that I could either let her and her underlings trample me or rise to the top. It was simple really. _Quinn Fabray licked nobody's boots_.

My older sister had taught me a lot about the art of bullying and I used every inch of my bitter childhood experiences to ensure that I showed no mercy. It was surprisingly easy to steal her crown. I actually thought it was rather pathetic how easily she crumpled. When she transferred a week later, I was disappointed, I had been expecting retribution, but ultimately she was like all the rest. Weak, easily led. She wasn't a real leader and she isn't special. Neither am I. I keep expecting somebody to realise that I am the same as her but they never do. They continue to part like the red sea when I walk by. It's sad really, but a little gratifying too. If the game changed I'm afraid that I wouldn't have the will to keep playing and then where would I be?

Luckily, my carefully crafted reputation precedes me and I am rarely forced to get my hands dirty anymore. It's a relief to be honest, being able to coast by on old victories, safe in the knowledge that nobody will challenge my authority. I own the school. I can still make or break a girl with just one glance. So what if they whisper things? It bolsters the image I cultivate. _Quinn Fabray is a real piece of work_ they mutter. I don't care. They wouldn't dare to disrespect me out loud and that is all that matters.

Even my best friend Santana is terrified of me and that's how I like it. I know every single one of her secrets so I hold all the power. I made sure of that from day one, another thing my beloved sibling taught me. Now that tramp will never usurp me, she knows her place. I like to remind her that there is a gaggle of eager little girls who would do just about anything to befriend me. It keeps her in line. Secretly however, I know that they would stab me in the back in a heartbeat and that is why I keep Santana close; her loyalty is the only thing I can count on, although even that isn't 100% reliable. _Everybody is expendable, even me._ I know that fact only too well. My grip is tenuous at best.

Deep down I am still the scared new kid. Every day I wait for someone to call me out, to recognise the fear in my hazel eyes, but it hasn't happened yet. I suppose I mask my feelings well. It is a family trait, we are known for putting our best foot forward, giving people the version of ourselves that they want to see. _Who am I really and is anyone even willing to find out?_ There are so many sides to the multi-faceted role I must play. My own boyfriend doesn't even know the real me. To him I am the doting, supportive girlfriend, to my peers, I am the intimidating ice queen that reigns over the school with an iron fist, and to my friends I am Quinn, the badass party girl, to my teachers, an honour roll student, gifted academically and an asset in the classroom. I am all these things and none of them. It's exhausting.

As for my parents, I have no idea what they expect of me outside of the clichéd character of the all American daughter. I am not sure if they even care about what I do. They mostly ignore me unless there is a problem to bury or a function to attend that requires them to play happy families. The arrangement suits me fine. I've had all I can stomach of their "parental concern". That is the entire reason I am here. We moved to Lima, Ohio because I got into some trouble back home. My dad feared for his precious reputation and never having encountered anything he couldn't fix by opening his wallet, he bought me a ticket to private education and a fresh start. He loved the idea of his daughter mixing in this world, a rich kid's playground, rubbing shoulders with the kind of people he had always deemed fitting of our station in life. Also, he said, an elite private school would look amazing on my college application. That was one thing that I was inclined to agree with him about, and so I swallowed my pride and waltzed through the doors.

He didn't prepare me. Nobody did. I'm no innocent, but it was as though I stepped through the looking glass or fell down the rabbit hole. Mckinley High is like another world, a place where every step is treacherous until you pick a side. You better make your mind up correctly because there is no going back, you're either in, or you're out. I know what you are thinking, I'm being overdramatic, that all schools have cliques and it's just part of growing up. This is different to the standard high school experience; here the kids have total control. It's like lord of the flies. If the masses respect you, you're like a supernatural being and nothing can touch you, but if you are stuck on the bottom of the social ladder, God help you. The only thing to do is buckle up because the teachers won't save you, good grades can't protect you and it's a long way until graduation.

Or at least that is how it was, in the old realm of the school that swallowed me up, brought out the worst in me. Twisted me and spun me around until nothing made sense and I had to become someone I don't even recognise in order to live to tell the tale. I had made my peace with the regime, the horrible person it had made me into, the suffocation of being totally confined by a personality of my own making. I could even stomach being tied to the photo-fit boyfriend. It was all tolerable, I only had one more year to get through, and then I could escape to college. However, the unscheduled arrival of one petite brunette changed all of that. My universe began to fall apart as soon as I set eyes on Rachel Berry.


	2. Chapter 2

**Usual Disclaimer. So Glee is back and therefore I decided to continue this story. On an unrelated note, if Rachel sleeps with Finn next episode I might actually die or poke out my eyes whichever comes first.**

**So yeah, enjoy the chapter. In this story I visualise Quinn's beautiful hair as looking exactly like it did during the performance of "TGIF". I just felt like sharing that. Also, Rachel's character as you can read is kind of different...**

**Reviews are love and I gratefully read them all.**

So, I should explain. Nothing happens at school without me hearing about it. I knew that there was a new student joining, but I couldn't get more than a name. I thought nothing of it at first, just another day to get through. Until I saw her that is, when I first glimpsed Rachel Berry time slowed down. It's a cliché but it's true. My shrewd hazel eyes took in every detail, the confident manner she carried herself, the bulky sweater slung carelessly over her shoulders and the flip of her shiny chocolate hair as she walked to her locker. I got a funny feeling, like a shiver, but I dismissed it. I was caught off-guard that's all, nothing more.

Most glaringly of all I noticed the unmistakable personal touches she had accessorised the drab uniform with. It intrigued me because Mckinley High didn't look too kindly upon expressions on individuality so most of the student body had learnt not to bother. The battered satchel Rachel carried looked European. It was covered with badges and patches depicting names of people and places that I didn't recognise. It made her exotic and that was a rarity in Lima, Ohio. Immediately I wanted to find out more_. Who was this girl? Where had she come from? _

All I knew was that Rachel Berry was unafraid to be herself and in the sea of blonde Barbie dolls with bad plastic surgery that made her special. Usually my route through the hallway was filled with clones and it was so tedious to have to acknowledge any of them as I walked by. I remember when I first styled my hair differently and it launched a spate of copy cuts. It wasn't even flattering, just irritating. I feel like I cannot even have anything as my own sometimes, I should have known of course, seeing as there was an increase in sales of peroxide from first day I began my reign, but it didn't take the sting out. Those who couldn't pull off my natural blonde tones coveted Santana's dark beauty. All the girls had something to aspire to be, but whoever they chose to emulate, it came down to this simple fact, nobody besides the two of us was being original. Now we could add one more to that number, Rachel Berry had no such qualms and that made me immeasurably glad, somebody had to shake this place out of its rut.

I walked over to her since it was my duty to size up all new arrivals and the vultures were already beginning to circle. Normally this pantomime was a chore but not today. I checked my reflection thoroughly in the mirror that I keep in my locker for such occasions. It always pays for a girl to look her best. I could hear my father's voice in my head. _First impressions are everything Quinnie._ I was actually nervous, I would never admit this to anyone, but I wanted Rachel to like me. I had never reacted like this. _Calm down. _It was easier said than done. Suddenly I became obsessed with my appearance, applying yet another coat of lip gloss and running my fingers through my hair frantically. _What's wrong with me? I look great. _Honestly if I detached myself from this situation I could see that I did indeed look quite pretty.

We were only a week into the new school year and my freshly cropped locks still retained a faint bubblegum hue under the fluorescents. That was due to my experiments over the summer. It was the first thing I did every time school let out. I smiled. Whilst, I was sad to see the pink go, it was against school rules. In any case, I would have gotten rid of it anyway. I didn't want clueless girls flocking to dye their hair raspberry. My summer hair was mine, my chance to express the real me for once. Such freedoms ended with the drawing in of autumn, things were expected of me here. I had a responsibility to be the perfect blonde figurehead.

I couldn't stall any longer people were waiting. "I'm Quinn Fabray. Welcome to William Mckinley High School. You're Rachel Berry aren't you?" The speech was a well practiced one, be non-threatening at first, discover the threat level they pose and make them feel important by knowing their name, no matter how insignificant they are.

"Hi Quinn, it's nice to meet you." She stuck out her hand and I returned the handshake. Rachel's brow furrowed in confusion and I had to stop myself from smirking. "How did you know who I am, aside from being the new girl?"

I kept my poker face firmly in place as best as I could. "I know everything. You'll discover that I have my ways. I hope you enjoy your time here this place is..." I tried to find the appropriate word but I was struggling. Words had never failed me before but I found the way she was openly appraising me rather disarming, I was getting sucked into those beautiful brown eyes and it was dangerous, more so than if I had lingered over the handshake. It was like she could see into me. _What is she thinking? _

"Pompous." Rachel volunteered breaking the spell she had inadvertently cast.

I laughed, I couldn't help it. She really had got everything figured out. _How could she have the measure of this place so soon?_ I still felt lost. Rachel grinned back wickedly and my stomach knotted. We were sharing a joke; she was so at ease, not intimidated at all. Nothing seemed to faze her and I envied her that. If it wasn't so pathetic I may have said _don't you know who I am? _Not that I wanted her to be afraid of me, quite the opposite, it was just strange to meet someone so genuinely assured. _If she's faking this she's one hell of an actress_ I thought.

The bell rang saving me. "You should get to class Rachel, I'll see you around."

I turned on my heels quickly and strode away. More than anything I wanted to walk with her, but how could I? Quinn Fabray didn't follow anyone around or carry their books. If I was going to befriend her I had to do it through the proper channels, I had to make her one of the group. This would be a challenge, I had already got the feeling that Rachel Berry wouldn't change to fit anyone's mould. That was why I liked her instantly, but nevertheless something had to be done. I couldn't risk a renegade in my school. It would look weak. I would have to bring her into line beside me. Surely it wouldn't be too hard. She was just one girl. I'm never one to give up easily either, if I want something; it's only a matter of time before it's mine. I wanted to be friends with Rachel Berry and I was determined to make that happen.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully and I began to wonder if my boredom addled brain had fabricated the girl's entire existence. By lunchtime I had begun to despair. Finn was boring me with his repetitive woes about college. _What did it matter he was going to go wherever his dad told him to, the same school he went to presumably. It was all taken care of. _It was times like this that I seriously doubted whether there was any point to having Finn as my boyfriend at all. The benefits of having him around are definitely not worth the amount of energy I'm forced to expend listening to his whining. I nodded in what I hoped was a supportive and not uninterested gesture.

Finally he was distracted by his friends long enough for me to slip away and order Santana to find out all she could about Rachel Berry. I needed more information if I was going to implement my plan. The gossip was much what I expected. Moved around a lot, her parents were some kind of ambassadors and she had attended schools all over the world including England, France, and Switzerland to name but a few. That explained the confidence; she was used to being the new kid. What I didn't anticipate was her having two gay dads and I wasn't really sure how to feel about that. It should be frowned upon, something to normally be used against a person in a hurtful way, but I knew Rachel wouldn't be ashamed or blackmailed and I didn't want to anyway. It didn't seem wrong for her; it fitted, explaining another piece of the puzzle. _Was that why she seemed so different, unique?_

Santana saw my lost in thought and was eager that I didn't cast doubt on her skills. "Britt hijacked her file from the office Q; it's all there in black and white."

I nodded, dismissing her. She went back to her table to spread the word of my plan to snare Rachel and I sought out Finn again. "We're going to have a party tonight, tell all the guys. Santana is already on it from our end."

"A party, are you sure? School has only just started..."

I groaned, he wasn't much fun before but lately things had gotten worse "All the more reason. Besides, I want to show the new girl what this school has to offer, welcome her properly."

"What new girl?"

_God he's so clueless_. The school was buzzing with talk of Rachel Berry and it had just passed him all by. It occurred to me that I hadn't seen her all morning and I wondered what classes she was in. _I should have got Santana to pull her schedule as well. _"Never mind." I muttered, "It doesn't matter, but this party is happening."

I knew where to find Rachel. I always know where to find people, its common sense really; you just eradicate all the other options in your head and narrow it down periodically. That day the bad weather dictated that if she wasn't in the dining hall she must be in the bathroom. Sure enough I found her there touching up her hair and watched silently. I felt almost guilty for intruding upon her private moment, which is stupid I know considering the school is basically mine and I can go wherever I want, but this school doesn't afford you many chances for peace and quiet, especially in the girls' bathroom. However, I knew that it wouldn't be long until the hangers on tracked me down and I wanted to speak to her alone.

I cleared my throat so that she wouldn't think I was sneaking. When she turned around though she was smirking, one eyebrow raised. I was convinced that she had known I was standing there all along, staring at her like some kind of loser. She didn't mention it though; I would have if the roles were reversed. She just looked at me, waiting and this only served to make me more inquisitive. _Who are you?_ I realised that my snooping had barely scratched the surface of the enigma that is Rachel Berry.

"So I wanted to invite you to a party tonight. Think of it as an official welcome."

"Thanks Quinn, that's so kind of you. Can I get back to you though? I'm kind of busy since the move and well, it may not be very cool of me to say this, but I'm not really much of a party animal I guess."

_What? _I had to stop myself from spluttering in disbelief. Girls would kill for a second-hand invite to one of my bashes, hell girls had been known to gatecrash in their desperation to be part of my world for the night. Yet, here I was personally rolling out the welcome wagon and she wasn't even excited. My annoyance brought it home to me how anxious I was that Rachel not only attended, but that she had a good time. _What could I do? _It was out of my hands, Quinn Fabray didn't ask twice and she certainly didn't beg.

I managed to keep the disappointment out of my voice. "Okay, well. The offer stands. I thought you might enjoy an insight into what this school is really like. It's wise to figure out early on exactly who it pays to be on good terms with, but if you are not interested then fine."

Rachel laughed. "You make it sound like a dictatorship. I'm sure Mckinley is no different to any of my old schools, I'll be fine. Thanks for the concern though."

Before I had a chance to utter a witty retort, the door burst open and our seclusion was invaded by several juniors. They glanced at me for permission before crossing the threshold, which didn't go unnoticed by Rachel. I nodded angrily and they advanced.

"I guess you're one of the people it pays to impress huh?" She sniggered as she left, freely mocking me.

I scowled. "Just think about it Rachel."

_I'm losing my touch. _That was my first thought, I tested the theory on my way out of the bathroom just in case. However, my confrontation of the first lone girl that crossed my path led me to dismiss that possibility off-hand_. _It was as effortless as ever to assert my dominance. _I'm not letting Rachel bother me; I won't be put off my stride. Nothing's changed. _I chanted that to myself over and over for the rest of the day and by the time the party was due to begin I almost had myself convinced. I got myself back to normal, everything was as it should be and then we ran into each other again, shattering my illusions. Rachel walked through the door and I knew straight away that I had been kidding myself. There was no doubt. My breath caught in my chest. Rachel Berry was firmly under my skin and she wasn't going anywhere.


	3. Chapter 3

**Usual disclaimer. Thanks so much for the flurry of reviews and alerts that the last chapter inspired. I'm so glad you are all enjoying this. It's a lot of fun to write because my other fics are so dark and angsty at the moment lol.**

**I hope you like this update as much, it's quite short but I have already updated two other stories today so when you consider it like that, I'm on a bit of a fanfic writing roll. Enjoy!**

The party went exactly according to plan, well aside from Rachel not being thrilled to be there, and my useless boyfriend's determination to ruin the fun by constantly policing how much everybody drank that is. It could have been worse though, I managed to keep my cool around a certain girl despite the fact that the dress she was wearing flaunted every curve, particularly as she danced. _Not that I was looking, I wasn't._

In light of Rachel's admission that she didn't enjoy parties, I made a special effort to insure that she felt included. _I was being a good friend. _I also made it clear that Santana was to keep her glass topped up at all times and to her credit, the little brunette could hold her liquor. By the end of the night she had consumed enough booze to fell a racehorse but she remained on her feet. I was impressed. The list of things that I liked about Rachel Berry seemed to be lengthening by the minute.

"So what's the deal? Are you fucking with her head or what? I mean is she your new pet, because seriously you can't actually like her, she's so..." Santana slurred in my ear.

"Choose your next word carefully." I snarled in warning and the Latina's eyes widened a little.

"Chill Q okay, I'm not questioning you or anything, I'm just curious. Normally you'd have banished her to the sphere of the losers, what's going on?"

"I'm not going soft!" I blurted. I really must have been drunk to be defending myself to Santana Lopez. I didn't have to explain my motives to anyone. I shook my head trying to sober up. "Trust me. Rachel Berry has some buzz at this school after just one day, I...we need her."

Santana looked at me sceptically but she knew better than to open her mouth anymore than she already had. "Go handle your own business and leave me to mine." I muttered in annoyance, gesturing to the way Brittany was all over Finn's best friend Puck.

I turned away, uninterested in the little spat that was developing as a result of drawing Santana's attention away from me and onto her on/off girlfriend of the moment. It was exhausting to try and keep up with the rollercoaster of Santana's love life. I didn't know if she was angrier at Britt or Puck. I had it on good authority she'd had sex with him herself possibly in as short a timeframe as last week, so I failed to comprehend how she could be mad at the other girl. It was too much like hard work to unravel the layers of hypocrisy, so I didn't. I should clarify something about Santana; it's easier to count the people she hasn't slept with than to try and figure out the number of her conquests. I didn't care._ Let her slut her way around the school if she likes, just as long as she doesn't sleep with anyone who matters. _My eyes flittered to Finn before resting longer on the form of Rachel. _Stop it_ I told myself as I slid over to my frowning boyfriend.

"What's wrong baby?" I asked because I knew he was waiting for the question.

"I was just thinking that maybe we should buckle down this year that's all. We aren't kids anymore Quinn, we have to think about the future."

"Let the future take care of itself." I replied, pulling him into a sloppy kiss.

It was mostly to shut him up, but partly I just wanted to stop thinking myself for a while. It wasn't that I was concerned about the future; I was more worried about the present. How was I going to get through this year, especially now? I was powerless to stop my eyes locking with Rachel's and I broke the kiss self-consciously. As I gazed at her I felt like the world's biggest fraud and I just wanted to run to my room and lock the door. That wasn't an option though; I had to be the last one standing. I couldn't leave. I was stuck.

Rachel wandered over to me, the effects of the alcohol barely even noticeable unless you looked really hard. "Great party Quinn, I had fun, I'm glad I came."

That simple sentence made the whole night worthwhile and I could do nothing but grin. I didn't trust myself not to say something foolish so I just stood there grinning like a happy mute. I cursed myself for drinking so much. Finally I managed to mumble something about how glad I was before she walked away. "See you tomorrow!" I called after her, cringing inwardly. _What am I? A 12 year old boy? _I thought, annoyed at myself. Rachel had the ability to render me into a blithering idiot by doing nothing much at all. It was terrifying.

"Goodnight Quinn." She replied with a smile and my god if that wasn't the most seductive farewell I had ever heard. The way she rolled my name off her tongue was enough to kill me. I had to make a visible effort to slow my heart-rate. _Is she doing this on purpose? Does she even know what effect she's having? _I couldn't decide if she was deliberately toying with me or not. I decided that notion would have to be explored on another day, preferably when I was sober and could think rationally. I forced myself to move, I had a party to wrap up.

The next morning I resolved never to drink again, as I always did. My head was pounding and my mouth tasted like some wild animal had been nesting inside. I dragged myself out of bed though, classes waited for no-one not even me, and if I arrived with a single hair out of place then I wouldn't be able to live it down. I could feel the eyes of the school silently appraising me. The student body was divided, those who could attend my gatherings and those who couldn't. The ones who had been there looked intently at me with a hero-worshipping stance. For a second I expected applause. I fixed my smile in place. Those who had been rejected mostly kept their eyes down, save for a few brave ones who glared at me with thinly veiled disgust, a muted and therefore safe expression of the absolute hatred and jealousy that they really felt.

Santana handed me a black coffee wordlessly, her amends for stepping out of bounds last night. I nodded. Apology accepted. That's how we work. "Excellent party, but I'm not going to lie, I'm feeling it this morning." She said with a rueful grin.

"Come on, bathroom, you look awful, we need touch-ups." I retorted bluntly. This was another facet of our friendship. We alone could talk to each other like this. Nobody else dared. We weren't the kind of friends that hugged or braided each other's hair. We had gone as far as coining the words bitch and hoe as personal terms of endearment.

I felt better with the application of another layer to my mask; I could hide behind the make-up and it had the added benefit of making me less likely to resemble a corpse. I really did feel awful and I found myself speculating over whether or not Rachel was nursing a hangover. I had the image of myself nursing her back to health, standing over her bed armed with breakfast and attempting to end her suffering with the aid of strong coffee and painkillers. It was so absurd that I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Santana looked at me as though I was cracking up. _Maybe I am _I thought. Suddenly I didn't want to be anywhere quiet anymore, I wanted to immerse myself in the chaos of the corridors, to find Finn and my friends and just go about my daily routine as usual.

"Let's go." I barked. "I want to find Finn before class starts."

Santana followed obligingly but I could feel her judgement. I had to do something to erase that look from her face, so I did the most spiteful thing I could stomach that early in the morning. I gave some faceless loser a tepid caffeine shower and Santana predictably found it hilarious. I had appealed to her cruel streak and succeeded in distracting her. I don't think until that moment I realised how truly shallow she was, or how easily manipulated. I've never wished harder that I did in that moment that I'd never started any of this. My popularity felt like a crown of thorns but I sealed my fate when I acted like this. I deserved the burden. I may have been trapped, but it was in a prison of my own making. I had no-one to blame but myself and I felt so alone. I longed for the familiar sight of brown hair but it was nowhere to be found. _Where are you Rachel?_


	4. Chapter 4

**You all know the drill by now. Glee is not my own personal plaything. A girl can dream though right? **

**Okay so here is another speedy update because it seems like this is my most popular story at the moment and I aim to please. Lots of Faberry goodness here so I hope you'll excuse the epic length of some of the dialogue. Quinn was relaying her life story so kind of unavoidable... **

**I like this chapter because it is pure Quinn/Rachel interaction without interference and that's rare for one of my fics. No man-child or Santana bitchiness for once. ENJOY!**

Rachel Berry is not invincible. She's a real girl with chinks in her armour. I know she's not a goddess but I don't like to think of her as being just like the rest of us. Seeing her with a hangover was jarring with the perception I had built of her, but what could I do? It was an accident that we even crossed paths. _Beggars can't be choosers. _I'll always take a worse for wear Rachel Berry over none. I found the girl purely by coincidence. You may not believe me but I honestly wasn't actively seeking her out this time. I was glad believe it or not that I hadn't run into her, I didn't want her to know about the novel way I had disposed of the dregs of my coffee. I knew she'd think I was a heinous breed of bitch, and that's true, but I couldn't have her seeing that side of me. Not so soon.

I almost burst out laughing when I spied her huddling over a textbook that was bigger than she was; dark glasses obscuring what I assumed were red-rimmed, bloodshot eyes. I strolled over. "Reading in Ray-Ban's, that's a new one. You cannot underestimate just how much sunlight we get in here during these rainy mornings huh?"

Rachel jumped; for once she hadn't caught me approaching. That in itself was enough to give me a kind of perverse thrill, knowing I'd reversed our roles. Then she removed her sunglasses and regained the upper hand by effectively flooring me. Other than a couple of dark smudges under her eyes, she looked perfect. _How do you do that?_

"Oh hi, Quinn, how are you?" she asked, running a hand through her hair. There was nothing self-conscious or nervous about the gesture. As usual she looked relaxed. She smiled, taking in my own artificially achieved, but nonetheless flawless, appearance with a quirk of her eyebrow. She seemed to be asking what my secret was, so threw her my expensive concealer with a giggle. She laughed too and it was enough to make me forget what I was even doing there.

I actually went to the library for legitimate reasons. I had to write a paper for English class and the looming deadline meant that my hangover would have to be overlooked. There was the option for me to palm it off onto somebody else, we kept a whole list of brainiacs at our disposal for that very purpose, but unlike the others I made a point of doing my own homework. I didn't want to go down that route and risk losing my work ethic, I was proud of it. They only time I flouted my principals was during Math class. It's not my fault though; my mind wasn't built to decode algebra or logarithms. Pythagoras' theory will forever remain a mystery to me and although I don't like to cheat, flunking out would be more counter-productive. Tutoring wasn't exactly on the cards for me.

None of that mattered now though, not how ill I felt, my impending assignment nor the fact that we would most likely be kicked out by the cantankerous old librarian whom even my considerable influence couldn't sway, I just wanted to talk to Rachel. I sat down. "So, how are you settling in?" It was a lame question and she'd probably been asked it hundreds of times already. I cringed inwardly at my continued ineptitude around her.

"Well, if last night's initiation was anything to go by, rather well." There was that grin again. _Did she just wink? _I found myself wishing she had kept the glasses on.

I swallowed hard. "Yeah it was a good party; they'll be plenty more so pace yourself next time." I managed to choke out. I focused on fanning myself with the pages of her book so that I didn't have to make eye-contact. She made some kind of unimpressed snorting noise and I knew what she was thinking. _Pot kettle black. _It's different for me I wanted to say, but that was condescending so I swallowed the words down. "Anyway, I wanted to ask you something." I said when the comfortable silence grew too long. "How do you like Mckinley compared to your other schools?"

Rachel thought for a moment. "It's no better or no worse. Schools are schools. I am a firm believer that the people make the place." I held my breath, anxious to hear what would follow. "The people here are definitely interesting." _She's so cryptic. Does she mean me?_

I had no idea, but I couldn't ask her to clarify. That would be weird. She was staring at me again so I explained. "It's just, I don't have a wealth of experience to compare it to and sometimes this place makes me crazy... All schools can't be like this can they? I know at least one that wasn't. The school I went to before I came here, but maybe that was a fluke. It was my first ever school so how would I know?"_Great, I'm rambling._

"Wait, so you're saying you never went to school as a kid?" Rachel was looking at me wide-eyed.

_She thinks I'm a freak, I shouldn't have said anything. _"Don't laugh at me okay but I was home schooled for most of my childhood. It was my mother's attempt to keep up with the joneses. We couldn't afford private school then so it seemed to my parents to be the next best thing. I think they thought they would turn me into some kind of prodigy or something, like an experiment. I hated it. The only company I had was my sister when she was home; she's a lot older so they couldn't just pull her out of education without disrupting her progress. She resented all the attention I got and generally made my life hell. I was an unhappy, lonely kid."

Rachel surveyed me with some indiscernible look on her face. I wished I could tell what she was thinking. "I wasn't going to laugh Quinn. My childhood wasn't exactly a model for normality and I turned out alright didn't I? You're full of surprises that's all. I had you pegged as the stereotypical blonde cheerleader type, I couldn't be more wrong, it's refreshing."

I smiled. "I did get my piece of the cliché high-school experience so don't worry, I'm not that unique. When my sister went off to college my parents decided that I should socialise more so they packed me off to school one day without warning. Just threw me in at the deep end and said it was character building. The school was nothing like this place, just a standard public school I suppose. My parents got it into their head that I would become the star of the place, as if to make up for the shortcomings of not sending me somewhere high-class. They wanted to prove something to their snobby friends so I was expected to fulfil all their hopes. The whole deal, cheerleader, honour roll, prom queen, you name it. Of course I had other ideas, it was my first real taste of freedom and I went off the rails a bit. It was all very tame, typical teen rebellion, rite of passage type stuff, but the way my parents freaked out you'd think I practiced witchcraft or got myself impregnated by the entire football team. They pulled me out so quick that it made my head spin and sent me here. It still feels like a dream sometimes."

I exhaled nosily. _I'm such a loser._ Rachel reached over and squeezed my hand reassuringly and I felt my face grow hot. _Don't let go _I thought_._

"You've come a long way from that lost little girl."

I think Rachel meant it as a compliment but I didn't return her smile or thank her or anything. It was both painfully true and entirely false in equal measure. Sure, so I had walking, talking, breathing friends now instead of just fictional ones. It was nice that didn't have to console myself with the characters in books, but I didn't feel any less lonely surrounded by all these people. None of it was real. To me, I was always going to be that girl. I couldn't banish her and I wasn't even sure if I wanted to, she at least was authentic, not just this ridiculous caricature I had adopted. _Who am I really, when all this bullshit is stripped away?_ _Do I even want to know?_

"I should go." I mumbled. I felt embarrassed, vulnerable and exposed. I couldn't believe I had just unloaded my whole fucked up history like that. Not even Finn knew all of my emotional baggage. I'd said too much.

Rachel held my hand tighter keeping me in my seat. "Don't leave. It's okay. I'm not going to judge you." She was so sincere that I couldn't help but feel more at ease. She meant it. "Stay. You can help me study; I'm so far behind its scary."

So that's what I did. We studied together well into the afternoon. I blew off my classes without a moment's hesitation, glad that most of my friends didn't know that this school had a library, much less where it was. There was no-one to disturb us. I had the alone time with Rachel that I had been craving and it was amazing. Our intention to do school work quickly gave way to simply hanging out. It was nice; we chatted, staying away from the emotional stuff after my outpouring. I still learned plenty though, for example that she was a committed vegan and her favourite place in the world is Montmartre in Paris overlooking the Sacré-Cœur, which she adores despite the fact she is Jewish. I filed these tidbits and others away for further inspection when I was alone.

Scrolling through her iPod playlist I was happy to find that the eclectic mix of music held some of my favourites. It was rare for anyone at this school to have even heard of well-known bands like _The Clash _or _The Sex Pistols_, never mind the lesser known groups and here was Rachel listening to them. All this school cared about was mainstream chart hits. I was glad that we had something in common; maybe Rachel wasn't as unattainable as I thought. As a result we had a long conversation about our shared passion for music and singing. Rachel shyly revealed a fondness for Britpop, music she had latched onto during her time in England. It was like she was telling me a secret and my heart swelled although it was only something trivial. I was happy. She had me singing along happily to bands like _Suede, Oasis, Blur and Supergrass_, most of whom I hadn't heard before. I didn't mind, her voice captivated me. It was another thing to worship about Rachel Berry.

When the bell rang for lunch I was annoyed. I had been AWOL for ages and that wouldn't have gone unnoticed. I wasn't looking forward to Finn's whinging or Santana's questions. I gathered my things, finally remembering to pick up the book I had come in here for. "Are you coming?" I asked, eager that Rachel didn't slip away. "I think we've spent enough time in here for one day, it's time to show our faces."

_And face the music _I thought. I let her move in step with me. I would probably regret it and it may prove awkward, even torturous because there no way we could talk openly in the dining room like we had been. I wanted to keep her all to myself, but on the other hand, I didn't want the interaction to end. I just hoped that Santana would leave her alone. I didn't wait for an answer; I just linked our arms together and headed out the door. "You'll need my help to find something remotely edible in the cafeteria." I said by way of an excuse. Rachel didn't say anything; she just smiled that knowing grin of hers.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi everyone! I've amped up the drama a little in this chapter. I hope you enjoy it. I'm aware that some of you will probably lose some sympathy for Quinn but she is a teenage girl so cut her some slack. They are living in a much skewed world, and as yet she doesn't have her priorities right.**

**I've kind of changed the dynamics of the Brittany/Santana relationship here to suit myself. I hope you all don't mind (there are some fierce Brittana shippers out there and I seem to be one of the only people not on the bandwagon.)**

**Not as long a chapter as the previous, I've been a little short on time. This seemed like a good stopping point anyway though so I don't think I've short-changed you too much LOL. As ever, let me know what you think…**

As we walked in every head swivelled to greet us. I led Rachel to where my friends were waiting and I could feel her rise higher in everybody's esteem. I was glad, this is what I'd wanted but I was wary too. Everybody would want a piece of her now. Had I done the right thing dragging her into the lion's den with me? _She's off limits _I wanted to shout. When we reached the table each face displayed a different emotion, Finn was confused, Santana was clearly angry and Puck was just horny. Only Brittany seemed genuinely delighted to see Rachel. She waved and I thought that maybe this might not be an unadulterated disaster.

"Rach, hey! I was just talking about you; I was saying that we could be the next and hottest power couple at Mckinley!" He winked, gesturing to a seat by his side. "Sit down, we have things to discuss."

I knew exactly what he had in mind and I didn't like it. The way he was looking at Rachel was making me uncomfortable; I hoped that I at least had the presence of mind to be more discrete about my leering. I took the opportunity when Rachel's back was turned to kick him hard in the shin; I swung my leg under the table and shook my head in this direction, spelling it out in no uncertain terms that he should back off. _She's mine. _I know I had no right to be so possessive when my boyfriend was sitting just inches away, but I couldn't help it. Rachel was better than becoming just another notch on his bedpost.

"Where were you babes?" Finn asked, distracting me.

"I was just showing Rachel the ropes; she's needs to be up to speed if she's going to be hanging with us." It wasn't strictly true but I couldn't go telling him I'd ditched him to study. I looked over at Rachel to make sure she wasn't about to betray me but she wasn't listening she was busy giggling with Britt. I suppressed a pang of jealousy.

"I thought we were going to talk." Finn continued his voice grating on my nerves.

I snapped. "Look Finn, if it's getting to you so badly, just tell your dad you're a big boy now and you can make your own decisions." It came out sounding harsher than I intended but I was sick of having the same conversation over and over. It always ended the same way and I'd had enough.

"It's not that easy Quinn." He muttered sullenly, pouting. The rest of the table fidgeted awkwardly picking up on the tension, but I refused to apologise. I silently fumed.

Brittany broke the silence. "I've been here since first period. I had a cold and I took all my antibiotics at the same time, and now I can't remember how to leave." We all laughed as Brittany looked on bewildered and it diffused the tension momentarily.

When Finn sloped off after lunch I let him go. I walked to class with Santana. "Trouble in paradise?" she retorted with a smirk. I just shrugged. The girl changed tact, seemingly determined to get a rise out of me. "So this is actually happening then? Berry is here to stay, part of the gang, for real?"

"I already told you. You better not start shit with her, if you say anything I consider to be too mean or touch one hair on her head, you'll have me to deal with, is that clear?"

"Alright, alright don't freak out. Jesus, your girl crush is so blatant."

I lost it then, totally seeing red. I launched myself at her, flinging both of us against the bank of lockers. She was stronger than me but I'd taken her by surprise and as a result had an advantage. By the time anyone thought to intervene and separated us, we were both panting heavily. To my satisfaction I noticed her nose and lip were pouring with blood. My carefully aimed strikes would be very prevalent on her face for a few days to come. That was what I wanted, a reminder for her when she looked in the mirror that it wasn't wise to mess with me. Unfortunately I hadn't escaped unscathed; my stinging cheek indicated that it would be badly bruised tomorrow. They tried to send us to the nurse's office but I refused. I didn't want to be in an enclosed space with Santana until we had both calmed down. Instead, I accepted my dressing down from the principal and made all the right noises until they let me go back to class. It was little more than a slap on the wrist anyway, nobody, not even the principal wanted to rock the boat. He wasn't stupid, my dad had made a sizeable donation to the school to secure my entry, and it wouldn't pay to piss off a ready source of funds.

It's like I've been saying all along, we're untouchable, and we can do whatever we want. This time I was happy to take advantage of that. I had plans that didn't involve detention. You may think that I had made my point with the fight, but you'd be underestimating how dangerous Santana's casual comment was to me at that time, I couldn't afford for Santana to exploit me so I had to act first. I'm not proud of what I did next. Before I detail my plan to you, I should be clear about the dynamics of Santana and Brittany's relationship. They weren't officially a couple, that's to say nobody outside of the three of us knew that they were together. Santana sleeps with everyone, boys, girls, even a few teachers, she wants to have slept with the entire school by graduation, she boosts about getting what she calls a clean sheet. Sex means nothing to her, it is a commodity, another form of currency, and she uses it to get whatever she wants. That's just how it is. Brittany on the other hand is out of bounds to anyone besides Santana. She is the only person the Latina loves, and she protects her fiercely.

In the same way that Santana would use my secrets to try and dismantle me; I had to construct a plan that involved her Achilles' heel for similar ends. I didn't want to destroy her; I'm not that malicious, just give her enough drama to focus on that she forgot about mine. Cleverly I had devised a way to include Noah, thus keeping him too busy to try and seduce Rachel. It was like killing two birds with one stone. I already knew since the party that Brittany thought Puck was hot, so it would be pretty easy to get them to hook up while Santana was out of the picture. I told Brittany that it wasn't cheating if you got with a boy whilst dating a girl and vice-versa. I was surprised how easily she believed me. She's like a child sometimes. Noah wasn't even an issue; he was scared of Santana, but not enough to deter him. Everything had fallen into place. If I timed it just right Santana could walk in on them, it was perfect. Santana wouldn't even necessarily suspect that I was involved, and even if she did, nobody would believe her. They would think it was just sour grapes. That was the beauty of it, she would be mistrusted about anything else too, including whatever she chose to disclose about me and Rachel. I had to admit that, although I didn't enjoy it, I did this whole devious bitch thing rather well. I scared myself a little.

Now, the only thing left to do was smooth things over with Finn. It was vital that I maintained the smokescreen of us as the perfect couple. I couldn't give Santana's claims any credence. As soon as she found out what I'd done, she'd be after me and I needed the boy on my side. _I'm such a bitch. _I couldn't back out now though. There was too much on the line. _Santana deserves it. _ I told myself repeatedly, but I couldn't reconcile myself to the fact that I was using all my friends and it was likely that they would all end up hurt. So I the only thing available, I buried my head in the sand and waited for the fallout.

When it happened, the knock-on-effect was worse than I had predicted. The group fractured, Santana and Brittany went one way while Finn, Puck and I went another. That makes it sound almost amicable, but trust me it wasn't. All I can say is that it's a good thing that Santana's declarations of keeping razor blades in her hair are just stories; otherwise I don't think I'd have lived to tell this tale. Suddenly the stability of Mckinley High had crumbled and all bets were off. Everything was changing. In trying to make the situation better for myself, I had made things worse. At once I was forced to fight to keep my grip, to try and reclaim everything I didn't even want anymore. I was tempted to let it all go, the title, the power, the privilege. You have no idea how appealing the idea was that I could just let Santana take over. Only one thing stopped me, the knowledge that if I did, life wouldn't be worth living for me, or those who had sided with me. I couldn't do that. Have you ever liked someone so much that you didn't care what happened to yourself? That's the frame of mind I was in. This infatuation with Rachel Berry was becoming my downfall.


	6. Chapter 6

**Usual blah and blah. **

**Ok so a lot of you didn't have love for the last chapter, what can I say? People are flawed and you'd be surprised at the lengths they'd go to for self-preservation, rightly or wrongly. I'm intrigued that all the people who hated on Quinn didn't mention the way Santana treats Brittany, which I personally think is worse. All Quinn did actually was give them a bit of a nudge, maybe if Santana didn't cheat on Brittany all the time and have her basically under lock and key it wouldn't have happened? **

**Anyway rant over. Not the longest chapter but I hope you like it. Quinn has amends to make and everybody's favourite brunette is going to help her. Also bonus points if you get the quote from **_**10 things I hate about you.**_

**N.B-The song that Quinn sings is actually from a poem I found. I didn't write it, but for the purposes of this, let's pretend Quinn and Rachel did. I haven't got the creative juice to actually craft a song from scratch lol. I have changed it a bit anyway, I just wanted something humorous and it fitted.**

This time it was Rachel's turn to find me. In the ensuing days since the Santana thing blew up in my face, I was struggling. I had no one to talk to about any of it, every time that I tried to broach the subject with Finn; he muttered that he didn't understand what he called _girl politics. _It was insulting really, sure I caused this, but I like to think I would have at least tried to help him if the roles were reversed, I was always holding his hand through all his problems.

It goes without saying that I couldn't talk to Santana either. We may not have the most conventional friendship but I missed her. She always called me out on my bullshit, reigned me in and never let me wallow. I remember once, Finn dumped me; we got back together soon after, but for those few days I was inconsolable. I think I did genuinely love him then. Santana was there for me, she plotted revenge and ways to get him back for me in the same breath because I couldn't decide what I wanted to do. She waited as I went from weepy to screaming, I was all over the place and she let me just get it all out. Then when I had no more tears left and severely impaired vocal chords, she turned to me and said, _enough Fabray, let's get your man back. _So we did and we never spoke about my meltdown. I have been remembering a lot of things like that, which I'd filed away or forgotten. Regret weighs heavy on me, but Santana bears a grudge better than anyone I've ever met, and she won't let me get near. I don't blame her, but I just want to say sorry.

So here I hide. I did try and speak to Rachel a little after it happened, but it was too hard because I had to be dishonest and gloss over a lot of what happened. I found myself tripping over the lies and half-truths so I just stopped talking. My hiding place is a largely unused bathroom on the top floor, its inconvenient location and less than reliable plumbing make it perfect for my needs. I find myself crying a lot. I was wiping away tears when Rachel tracked me down. My heart was in my throat when the door burst open and I didn't calm down much when I saw her standing there._ Leave me alone _I wanted to scream but I didn't because really that was the last thing I needed.

"You should apologise. She probably misses you too, but is too hurt and proud to tell you. Go talk to her."

"How did you find me?" I asked sniffing awkwardly. Crying in front of people wasn't something I was comfortable with and I kept my face turned away.

Rachel approached the sink, standing so close that I was grateful for the porcelain barrier for keeping my upright. The smaller girl reached up, tilting my face in her hands so that her piercing brown eyes met my puffy hazel ones. She smiled, wiping away my tears. "I followed you. That's not important. It's pretty obvious that your issues with Santana have worsened since I arrived. I don't want to cause frictions. She may not like me, but she's your friend and you miss her. So, I'm here to help."

I flinched .Not for the first time I wondered just how perceptive Rachel Berry is. How much did she know about what I did? Had she guessed my reasons? I decided it didn't matter; she was here so she must not hate me. Right now, I put my crush aside. I needed all the help I could get if I wanted forgiveness from Santana Lopez.

"So what are you going to do? You engineered it so her girlfriend would cheat on her with Noah Puckerman of all people. How are you going to make that right?"

I blushed. So she did know. Of course she did, it was probably all around the school by now. I wanted to ask Rachel why she was still here, offering help, when she knew what a bitch I was, but I didn't. I didn't want her to leave. I didn't want to hear what she really thought of me, I was scared of that. "They only made it to 2nd base!" I protested weakly.

Rachel stared at me. "No thanks to you. Let's not get bogged down with specifics. You need a plan. Shouldn't be too hard for a mastermind like you, right?"

There she was mocking me again. I shrugged it off. I had to focus. "It's not going to be easy." I muttered, which was in fact, more like the understatement of the century. "To win her over, I'm going to have to sacrifice myself on the altar of dignity and even the score, it won't be pretty."

Rachel laughed, giving me a commiseratory pat on the shoulder. I ignored the way my skin tingled at the contact. This was not the time. I had to think. The idea came to me then but I wasn't sure that even that would be enough. You see, despite my love of singing and music, I have a crippling fear of performing. It had started as stage fright. That was bad enough, but then I was given a part in the school play, the teachers thought it would help me overcome my fears and make friends. I was nervous enough, being the new kid. To cut a long story short, I got so scared that I puked everywhere, including all over the head of the most popular girl in school. She was a pretty blonde cheerleader, everything my parents wanted me to be, and I had humiliated her. She made me life hell after that. It. was a special kind of torment that girls like that (and now girls like me) excel at. Santana got this story out of me during a drunken slumber party and I hoped she would remember. I needed her to appreciate this gesture.

Me and Rachel spent hours writing and practicing the song. I kept it simple, me and an acoustic guitar. I wanted a piano but that wasn't practical for the hallways of Mckinley High. I felt that when it was finished, Rachel had gained some grudging respect for me and I was glad. I had a lot of making up to do, to everyone, but this was a start. I have never been more terrified than when I was that day. I kept trying to put it off, but Rachel wouldn't let me, she was always there, at my back.

"It's time." She whispered.

I gulped. My whole body was shaking as I began. The sniggering started at once, as expected. I had no choice but to block them out. The more embarrassing this was the better after all, that's why I wrote these lyrics. I saw Santana staring at me in disbelief as I strummed, my trembling alto carrying falteringly through the sea of hecklers.

_The phrase "I'm Sorry" you may agree_

_Has turned into a social amenity_

_We say "I'm Sorry" more than Brenda Lee_

_Which was a hit for her back in 1960._

As I sang I saw her smirk, she tried to hide it but, it was there and that gave me confidence to carry on.

_Just saying "I'm sorry" is not all it takes_

_There are no magic words to make gone my mistakes_

_This song is my sorry, it'll have to do._

_If I can say "I'm Sorry" then I think you can too._

As the song drew to a close, I felt mortified but happy. My friends were clapping, even Santana, it was of no consequence that the rest of the student body stared like I had experienced some kind of breakdown. I approached the Latina and Brittany fearfully. I had apologises to make to the blonde too. I handed her the box of "I'm Sorry" cookies that Rachel had suggested I bake. The girl squealed joyfully.

"Thanks Quinn, I can share these with Lord Tubbington. I have to, you see, I think he's been reading my diary." I suppressed a giggle and turned to Santana.

"You're such a freak Q. There is no way you're living this down. Your rep is trashed."

I made a face, convinced this was the start of yet another argument. Santana had other ideas and smiled. "No-one has ever done anything like that for me before." I pulled her into a hug, beaming from ear to ear. Rachel gave me a thumbs up and slipped away. _Where does she go? _I thought briefly before Santana sidetracked me by breaking the embrace and speaking again.

"This doesn't mean that I don't still hate you bitch." She replied, but her eyes were telling a different story, and she grinned.

"Always, you skank." I replied happily.

Order of sorts had been restored. The gang was back together and we waltzed to class with our heads held high, me, Santana, Brittany and the boys. I blushed as some kids pointed and whispered. I couldn't help it. Santana was right, but for once I decided that I wouldn't let myself be concerned by how I was being perceived. I was beginning to realise that other things were more important. When Santana silenced them with an icy glare I slipped my arm around her shoulders, thanking her. This felt like the start of something. The knot in my stomach had gone because on this occasion I didn't have to be ashamed of my actions. That was new for me. For once I wasn't looking over my shoulder, scared about tomorrow. It was nice. I had used my powers for good and I liked the way that felt._ I should be this person more often._

"Truce?" I whispered softly into Santana's ear.


	7. Chapter 7

**Okay so that latest episode proved beyond any shadow of a doubt that I do not own Glee. Bet you all wish I did now don't you?**

**Anyway, here is a happy chapter to make us all feel better. This one is set a few weeks after the previous and everything is right with the world. Not as much Faberry as I would like, but can't rush it. There is however, awesome Quinntana friendship and Quinn is slowly getting over her gay panic. I predict much Faberry will ensue in the next chapters. Enjoy! **

**Credit to the song (My First Kiss by ****3OH!3 –Feat ****Ke$ha) goes to the appropriate people. It gets the honor of being immortalized in this fic. Although I don't really like the song, it fits with what was happening and seemed too good to ignore since** **it genuinely came on the TV as I was writing that part.**

"All I'm saying is that it's a good thing that I'm trying this fidelity thing with Brittany, because otherwise you'd have competition. She's hot and she won't wait forever. You need to make a move."

I was shocked. Santana had complimented Rachel. I suppose that it shouldn't have come as that much of a surprise though, we four girls had been spending a lot of time together and the Latina had softened. I wasn't the only one who could be won over by the Rachel Berry charm offensive it seemed. I think it helped that the brunette had been instrumental in my plans to make amends with Santana and her girlfriend. Santana had figured that out, and it was also beneficial that Rachel seemed to be the biggest Brittana supporter in the school. In a sea of critics and homophobes, that was important. I, of course, was a close second, their very own relationship cheerleader and it had brought me and the Latina closer together.

Lately, all our conversations seemed to come back to the same topic. Santana seemed desperate for me to declare my feelings, wrap myself in a rainbow flag and launch my very own pride parade through the school halls. It was understandable, she felt alone and vulnerable, but I wasn't ready to burst out of the closet. I didn't even know if I was gay, I had never even looked at another girl before a certain brunette came along. I had to work out my feelings before I did anything rash. Rachel might not feel the same and that would leave me humiliated. Plus, there was the small matter of my boyfriend.

Santana wouldn't be dissuaded. "Look, I know you've got no game, but I'm here to help you. First step, ditch Frankenteen and we'll go from there."

She made it sound so simple. She was right though, it wasn't fair for me to string Finn along anymore. I may not have a handle on my feelings for Rachel, but I knew what my feelings for him were. I didn't love him anymore, and I hadn't for a long time. This was a relationship of convenience and it had to end. I had to break up with him. I found him on a bench within the school grounds. It was one of his favourite thinking spots so I had tried there first. "Finn, can we talk?" I asked gently.

"Sure babe, can we do it later though? I've got a lot of my mind right now."

"Me too, that's why this is kind of important. Listen Finn, I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to come straight out with it, I think we should break up."

He visibly seemed to shrink and turn pale. "What? You can't be serious? This is a joke right? Why? We're so good together."

I sat down beside him. "We were, but we aren't anymore. You aren't right for me. I'm trying to change. I've realised I need someone who listens to me, is there for me, someone who loves me, not just someone who is counting down the days until college." This was hypocritical, given that I had been doing exactly that for a while now, but I needed to get through to him. I didn't want to be that person anymore. I'd been trying to be better after what I did to Santana, I didn't want to use people or exploit them. That was the old Quinn.

"So that's it then. It's over. After everything I've done for you. I've been there for you the whole time, even when you were a real bitch. Your rep took a real nose-dive lately but I stayed. You'd be a nobody without me; I took a chance on you when no-one knew who you were and now you think you're too good for me?"

He stormed off before I could reply. I wasn't hung up about my image now, but his words still stung. The way he thought he'd done me some huge favour this whole time, like he was some kind of saint or something. I fought back my anger; he was just hurt, taking a swipe at me. I didn't have to pander to him anymore. I could let his moods and thoughts and feelings be some other girl's problem. I was single for the first time since I arrived at Mckinley. It was scary, but in a good way. I was free.

"I did it. I split up with Finn." I found Santana immediately after it happened. I didn't want her to hear it from somebody else. This was firsthand news. She deserved to hear it from me. She had been on at me to do it after all.

She squealed joyfully and pulled me into a hug. "Finally! We should have a party to celebrate."

I scoffed. "Don't you think that's a little insensitive?"

She grinned. "Come on, do you really think Finnocence won't be doing the same, gathering his boys to commiserate and slag you off. Nothing big, I promise, just the girls, this is huge Q. You've come to your senses and we need to mark it. Besides it's the perfect way to initiate phase two. Rachel will be drunk, it's your chance."

I rolled my eyes but I couldn't defy her logic. It did sound fun, but now I was free to act on my feelings I wasn't sure that being alone with Rachel was a good idea. Especially once the alcohol was flowing. I remembered how I'd acted at the last party, but I'd had Finn to hold me back then. This time there was no safety net and I was scared. What if I ruined everything? _It was too soon wasn't it? _Santana could see I was this close to backing out.

"Okay, so you aren't prepared to embrace your inner lesbian yet, that's fine. Just don't dismiss the party, it'll be good for you and I want to get my dance on. I promise I'll police you and little Miss Berry. Please!"

"Alright." Santana did know how to throw a fantastic party. "Fuck it, let's do this."

She rushed off to find Brittany and start organising everything, leaving me to ponder the implications of what I had agreed to. _It'll be fine_ I told myself. That was my last opportunity to speculate because the bell rang and I had to go to class. I immersed myself in the day's lessons and braced myself for whatever was going to happen tonight. _Que sera, sera._

As I walked into the venue alone I was greeted with a cheer. It was used to feeling like the guest of honour, but this time was different because I really was. I grinned. Santana had excelled herself. Half the girls at school had shown up and she had even decorated. _She really is a good friend _I decided. I looked for Rachel but she must have been lost somewhere in the crowd, so I grabbed a drink out of the cooler and rushed off to dance. I enjoyed myself more than I ever thought I would. Brittany spun me round and round until I was dizzy and I was grateful when Santana cut in with a smirk.

"I'm sorry to hear about you and Finn." I was sat down, sipping a drink and taking some time out when Rachel slid down beside me. She had approached silently and I almost split the precious alcohol. Suddenly I was clinging to the bottle as though my life depended on it. I couldn't look at her. My hand clenched and I fumbled the container awkwardly. Some of the liquid tipped into my lap, soaking into my dress. _Smooth, Fabray. _

I acted as though it hadn't happened. "Thanks. It was a long time coming. Things just ran their course, you know?" There I was telling her too much again without any prompting. She caught my eye and she certainly didn't seem sorry. I couldn't tell if it was just the lighting, but her brown eyes were shining, luminous.

"Can I have this dance?" She asked tight-lipped, extending her arm and leading me back to the dance floor with the chivalrous manners of an old-fashioned gent.

I just grinned, hoping I hadn't nodded to vigorously, practically leaping up in my haste. As we reached our destination the music changed. I recognised the song and I cringed inwardly. This was Santana's doing. I stood there awkwardly as the lyrics reached my ears. Rachel seemed oblivious. She just began to sway in time, placing her hands on my hips, even as the music mocked me.

_**Lips like liquorice and tongue like candy, excuse me miss but can I get you out of your panties? In the back of the car, on the way to the bar, I got you on my lips. (I got you on my lips) At the foot of the stairs with my fingers in your hair, Baby this is it. She won't ever get enough once she gets a little touch. If I had it my way, you know that I'd make her say, Oooooooooh. (Oooooooooh.) **_

I fled to the safety of the bathroom. I couldn't breathe. _What was that? _I had no idea. The lines were blurred. Girls could dance with each however they liked; I'd pulled some risqué moves with Santana before. It didn't mean anything. _What were Rachel's motives? _I couldn't go back out there, it was like there was a joke that everybody was in on and I was the punch line. I was so angry at Santana and Rachel too. I had no doubt that Santana thought she was being funny, but what about Rachel? _Was she just playing with me, or was it something else?_ It was all so confusing and I didn't want to be here anymore.

"Q, I know you're in there, come out. It was just a joke. I'm sorry!" Santana called, banging on the door. I sulked for a moment before letting her in because I really did need to talk to someone, being left with my own thoughts was driving me crazy.

"Does she like me?" I exclaimed quickly before she had even closed the door properly.

"I would say that was pretty obvious wouldn't you? I know you are pretty new at all this, but Berry pinged my gaydar the moment she set foot in this school."

"Really?" That explained why Santana didn't like the girl. She'd felt threatened. It made sense.

"Do you need her to spell it out? She has been giving you signals for weeks."

It was true. I remembered every look, every touch, the teasing way she spoke to me. I had thought I'd imagined or at least heightened Rachel's part in our flirtations but Santana was confirming everything I had been scared to dream of. I had my answer, now I just needed to decide what my next move would be. "Will you help me?" I whispered.

"I've got your back Q." Santana replied with a reassuring smile.

So, it was settled. Those words were my first tentative steps to wooing Rachel Berry. Now that I knew that she felt the same there was no stopping me. I had no boyfriend or status shackling me. I was going to do this. I stepped back into the party with renewed confidence and a sense of purpose. I was terrified, but nevertheless determined to make Rachel mine. I had never wanted anything so much. Failure was not an option.


	8. Chapter 8

**Usual disclaimer and blah. All mistakes or Englishisms are mine. **

**Here we are again. Here is a fluffy chapter for you to enjoy. I like it even though it is kind of heavy on dialogue. I hope you enjoy. Everything is Faberry and nothing hurts.**

**All while writing I had the drunken Rachel Berry in my head, making me laugh. "Tastes like pink!" The greatest drunken thought of all time LOL**

**Feel free to share your thoughts with me. I love hearing them…**

I found Rachel more or less exactly where I had left her. She was dancing with Brittany but when she saw me she stopped and came over to where I stood. My first thought was that she seemed a lot more unsteady on her feet; this didn't tally with the Rachel from the last party who could drink us all under the table. Something was wrong.

"Quinn! You came back! When you rushed off, I thought maybe you were sick or something. Come and dance!" Something was very wrong. Her voice was too loud. Her body was covered by a shiny film of sweat and her eyes were darting everywhere, large and unblinking. _What are you on? _I knew at once that my hopes for a heart to heart were off the table. Whatever I had been planning to tell Rachel would have to wait.

"Let's go get some fresh air." I replied, dragging her outside. I was glad that the outdoor lights spilled out enough illumination so that it wasn't seedy. I didn't want any dark corners or tempting shadows right now. I more or less poured Rachel down onto a bench. She was so uncoordinated it was difficult. "What have you taken?" I kept my voice casual, curious. I didn't want her to know I was freaking out. I couldn't sound like a Nark, or a teacher or a mum so I played it cool. Or at least what I hoped passed for mildly intrigued instead of anxious.

"Oh, yeah, umm…Noah gave me something. He called it a love fountain, isn't that cute?"

It took me a moment to realise she was referring to Puck. No-one used his first name and I had to curb the pangs of jealousy and distrust that it had fallen from her lips so easily. It sounded so intimate and I didn't want to think about that. _Are you fucking him? _I wanted to ask, I knew in this state she would tell me pretty much anything, but I was scared to hear the answer. Although I was 95% sure she wasn't, she might want to, and that was enough to crush me. I could've murdered the boy. It was typical that he got Rachel high on the one night I was ready to confess everything. I couldn't tell her now; this would all be a black hole in her memory come morning. Once was hard, twice was impossible.

"You should ask Noah for some, its amazing Quinn. I feel like I could do anything."

I sighed because not only there was that name again, but that was the exact feeling I'd had earlier when I decided how I wanted the rest of this night to go. Things weren't going according to my ideal. Apparently the universe had other ideas, it looked like I was going to spend the night playing nursemaid to the girl of my dreams as she rode out her chemical high. _Fantastic. _I decided my role if nothing else would be to keep her away from Puck and his roaming hands. That in itself was a full time job.

"Come on, let's get you some water." I muttered, taking her hand, ready to lead her back inside. I tried not to sound as annoyed as I felt. I think I succeeded; at least Rachel failed to notice.

"No, let's stay out here, it's so pretty." I sat down reluctantly after a few tugs on her arm proved fruitless. "The view out here is so beautiful." I stopped breathing for a moment because she was looking right at me as she said that. _It's just the drugs, she doesn't mean it, and she probably loves everyone and everything right now. _My heart skipped a beat just the same.

"Rachel, I…" I began before I could stop myself. The way she was gazing at me, I just couldn't help it. She reached out and pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. The action was so ordinary. A commonplace gesture that wouldn't be out of place amongst friends, but I shivered nonetheless.

"Are you cold?" I nodded although I wasn't. She could tell I was lying, even in that drug-fuelled haze she was still so damn perceptive. She licked her lips and I tried to look away but I couldn't, she was pulling me in. When her lips met mine, I wasn't even surprised. It was so inevitable. I allowed myself one moment of bliss before I pulled away.

"Not like this." I hated myself for saying it, it was everything I wanted, but I couldn't fully enjoy it knowing that Rachel was only half present. She tried again and her mouth was so persistent that I almost gave in. "We shouldn't." I gasped as I struggled to fill my lungs with air. "It isn't right."

"Don't you want to?" Rachel pouted. She looked so adorable sat there, biting her lip but I had to stand firm.

"More than anything." I replied. "You have no idea how much, just not yet. When this happens, I need you to remember it." The fact that I had said _when_ not _if_ didn't escape me. I wanted to kiss her again; hell, I wanted to do more than that. I took a deep breath, hands securely at my sides, and laid myself bare to a girl who would have to recollection of it in a few hours. "I want to take you on a date, and have a real goodnight kiss." I blushed. It was so corny, but honestly that was all I had thought about for a long time. I wanted to romance her, woo her in the way that our generation seemed to have lost. I felt like a fool for thinking it never mind saying it.

"That is the sweetest thing I've ever heard." Rachel gushed. I cursed Puck inwardly again, I kept getting glimpses of how this night should have gone and it was killing me.I resigned myself to it.

"Come on, let's go inside. I'm missing my own party."

When we got back inside Santana, who was busy wrangling a very out of it Puck, mouthed _sorry he's a douche_ at me. I smiled back at her, none of this was her fault, and Rachel had consented so I couldn't really use Puck as a scapegoat either despite my earlier anger. It was a party and everyone was just looking to have some fun.

I salvaged some enjoyment of my own. Rachel passed out, so I got one of the girls (who still aim to please regardless of my lack of interest in being Queen Bee anymore) to take her and Puck home, separately of course, I'm not an idiot. Once I was sure she was okay, I unwound with my girls, me, Brittany and Santana hitting the dance floor. It felt good, like I was where I should be. My thoughts wandered to Rachel often, but there was nothing I could do for her, and she was in safe hands. I didn't think of Finn at all, and I felt kind of guilty about that. Nonetheless I let myself enjoy the remainder of the night somehow, by turning off my tortured brain.

Later as we cleaned up, I told Santana what had happened. "Damn girl, you've got better self-control than me."

"Who hasn't?" I shot back with a smirk. It made me so happy that she was on my side.

"So, you're going to ask her out then?" Santana asked, ignoring my dig. I nodded. "I think you need to pull out all the stops to impress Rachel Berry. She isn't just some small-town girl like we are; she's been places, seen things. You need a plan."

I frowned. She was right. _What could I offer? Breadstix? The Lima Bean? That wasn't going to cut it._ "Maybe this is a mistake. You're right and I think she likes Puck anyway."

"I didn't mean it like that Q. I just meant we've got a lot of planning to do. Don't get down on yourself; she'd be lucky to have you. As for the whole Puck thing, I'm not even going to bother dignifying that with an answer. That's just ridiculous and gross." I laughed and felt immediately better. _I can do this. _

The next day I didn't expect to run into Rachel. Imagined she would be holed up in bed with her pyjamas and the TV on, cursing her hangover. I was surprised, and approached cautiously. "Hi Rach, did you have fun last night?"

"It was certainly interesting. Accepting narcotics from Noah isn't something that I'll do again in a hurry." She grinned and I desperately wanted to ask how much she remembered, and if our kiss was one of the "interesting" developments. _No _I told myself _go slow, wait it out._

Again I played down my anxiety. "Yeah I know what you mean, I did the same once and I still can't remember the rest of that night. It was a disaster, they found naked in the fountain so I'm told." Rachel's eyes widened, making me realise I had potentially revealed too much again. I could almost see her mind working, as she pictured that image. _Is that a blush?_

She cleared her throat. "I can remember some of what happened, I think, but it's hazy. I'm glad I ran into you actually, I was wondering if you could help me piece together something I'm unsure about." There was that teasing tone again.

I gulped. "What do you want to know?" My mind was racing alongside my pulse. The seconds seemed to stretch out endlessly. _Say it. Ask me, _my mind begged.

"You saying that you wanted to take me on a date, I didn't imagine that did I? "

It was my turn to blush, which refuted any denials I might try and make. I was actually calmed; it was one less hurdle to jump. "No you didn't." I answered quietly. "I said that."

Rachel grinned. "Good. You can pick me up Friday at 8pm." With that she was gone, leaving me shell shocked. I couldn't believe this had happened. It was effortless. _Rachel Berry is going to go on an actual, real life date with me._ It didn't seem real. I actually pinched myself.

"Wow." I breathed. I had a plan though. It had come to me last night as I tried unsuccessfully to sleep. I had no idea how many dates Rachel had been on, but I could count the number on my right hand. I decided it didn't matter. This was going to the best first date ever. I would make sure of it. Now that I had Rachel Berry within my grasp, I wasn't letting go. There had to be a second date, so I wasn't about to mess this up. I bounced down the hall, my head full half-imagined plans, hopes and scenarios. I texted Santana, as I typed** It's on for Friday**,my heart was pounding. It was there in black and white. No turning back now. Not that I wanted to even if I had the opportunity. I had yearned for this night and night. This was my chance to actualise those dreams. Without fail I would get my goodnight kiss and there wasn't any doubt that Rachel would definitely remember it this time, we both would.


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry for the delay. I had MAJOR writers block with this chapter. I guess that's the problem when you start a fic with no idea of plot lol. **

**It didn't help either I suppose that, like Quinn, I had in my head a fixed idea of what a "perfect date" should be and I didn't know how to write it. Then, there was this…**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's not my most well-written and you could argue that it's kind of a clichéd, but hey, I like it. Made me smile and I can't say fairer than that. Let me know what you think.**

Life isn't like the movies. I should have known that. Experience had taught me the lessons but I chose to ignore them. I told myself that everything would go without a hitch, exactly as I planned it. I remember grinning as I plotted in my bedroom, convinced that my hours and hours of trawling the internet would prove fruitful. I knew it would be worth it .I visualised Rachel's face as it all unfolded, imagining her excitement as we approached the art house theatre and it dawned on her that they were screening a selection of films from the French New Wave period. She would know that I had been paying attention and that I knew where her heart lay.

It was not to be. The first thing to conspire against me was the weather. In my haste to pick up Rachel I hadn't checked the forecast and when it began to rain heavily I cursed. I hate driving at night at the best of times, and the rain just makes things unbearable. I gritted my teeth and carried on, determined. When I heard rumbles of thunder I turned up the radio, tensing slightly. I looked up to check on the brunette's mood and saw her crane her neck, watching the sky for a flash of lightning. She began to count aloud and I was slightly reassured. I don't know why I hadn't guessed that this was something she would enjoy. She's fearless, nothing fazes her.

"Don't be afraid Quinn." She replied with a smile. _So damn perceptive._ I tried and failed not to feel embarrassed. "Thunderstorms aren't scary, they're beautiful. While we lived in Austria there were 27 during the single year that we stayed in Vienna. I counted. I loved it, some of my fondest memories involve turning out all the lights and sitting with my dads' on stairway facing the front door, watching awestruck as the lights flickered across the darkened sky."

I smiled at the mental picture her words conjured up. Just like that, I'd learnt something else about Rachel. I clasped the knowledge to my chest. Like most kids, I couldn't imagine ever doing anything other than hiding under the covers. "You're different aren't you?" I muttered, more to myself than her.

She heard anyway and smirked. "That's why you like me."

I just laughed because she'd hit the nail of the head as usual. I knew then that this evening could still be salvaged, even as my idea of a moonlight picnic was ruined. I'd spent a lot of time making vegan snacks, but I figured we could eat them in the bed of the truck if necessary. Rachel wasn't a typical date. _It'll be okay, the rain will probably stop soon anyway_ I thought_._

I jinxed it, something stopped, but it wasn't the downpour, it was my car. My goddamn truck had given up the ghost and I couldn't even get a signal on my cell phone._ Fucking hell. _So much for my wonderful date. I got out of the car, lifting the collar of my jacket against the driving rain. I rolled my eyes because really I had no clue about mechanics. _What the hell am I even doing?_ "Do you know anything about cars?" I called to Rachel.

"My expertise extends to changing a tire, that's about it." I laughed because of all the times I wished Finn was around, I never thought my first date with Rachel would be one of them.

I had no idea where we were. "We're screwed." I managed to say in between bouts of near hysterical laughter. "I guess we better start walking if we want to reach civilisation any time soon." I choked out finally when I got myself under control. I surveyed the sky, grateful at least that despite the unrelenting rain, the thunder and lightning seemed to have ceased. I didn't fancy being electrocuted. Rachel didn't move. "What are you waiting for; your father's to send a search party?" _Hey, that isn't such a bad idea. _

"What's wrong with staying right here?" She replied beaming. I watched her pirouette through the shimmering puddles guided by the glow the headlights cast. She was serious, using them as her own personal spotlight to put on a show for me. _Rachel Berry is one of a kind. _She was almost childlike in her ability to find joy in anything, who was I to disagree?

"You're crazy." I responded, even as my lips curved into a smile. "Get back in the car at least; you'll catch your death." She ignored me, as I'd known she would. It was futile, she continued to dance. I didn't take my own advice either, I didn't move. Instead I stood still watching transfixed. She looked so beautiful, the most carefree person I'd ever seen.

"Dance with me." She whispered, taking my arm and pulling me close. I shook my head sending a cascade of droplets down my back; the water crept into my shoes, numbing my toes. I cursed and I drew my coat tighter around me.

"This is my best dress-" I began. It was useless to argue. Rachel dipped me and I forgot my discomfort, grinning. That was how I found myself dancing in the rain for the first time, with the girl of my dreams. It occurred to me as we twirled that I had been so hung up on the idea of the faultless, "perfect" date that I'd never stopped to think that might not exist. The notion of the ideal romantic moment had been ingrained in my subconscious thanks to Hollywood and fairytales. I had been conditioned into thinking that was how things should be. Do you know how rare it is to stumble across a genuine romantic moment like the one that was happening to me?

I felt like an idiot for not realising. I didn't want to waste anymore time and decided to grab the opportunity with both hands before it slipped away. I placed my hand on the back of her neck and leaned in, looking down at her. As our lips met I could feel her smiling into the kiss. There was no better feeling. I kissed her again before pulling her into the car. We were both shivering so I got the picnic blanket and wrapped it around us both.

"You should try your phone again." I suggested, doing the same.

"But, that might mean rescue." Rachel said softly. I sighed equally quietly because I wasn't ready to go home either, not yet. It wasn't safe to stay there all night though, as much as I would have liked to, so my eyes repeated the command silently and I watched as Rachel retrieved her cell phone from her bag. It was with a heavy heart that I noticed my phone spring to life.

"We're saved." I responded without enthusiasm.

We were towed back, sometime later, the blanket still around us as we huddled in the lifeless truck. I fed Rachel the snacks, not wanting them to go to waste. She ate contentedly making happy noises of appreciation. I wasn't hungry. I kept my gaze fixed on her. We would soon be home and before this ended; I needed her to know how I felt. I searched for the right phrases to capture my emotions. "Tonight was…" I faltered. _Incredible, breathtaking, unbelievable… _"It was better than perfect." I settled on. I meant it. Rachel nodded. She swept me into another embrace, taking my breath away as her mouth collided with mine.

"It's not over yet." I held on to Rachel's hand, relishing the contact. This was real. I hadn't dreamt or imagined it. When we stopped, she held the door open for me. I hesitated, not wanting us to go our separate ways. I cleared my throat, not sure what to say to make her stay. She did the hard work for me. "Do you want to get some coffee with me?" She interrupted. I smiled in agreement offering my hand once more and letting her lead me down the street. In spite of the chill, my dishevelled appearance or the way my damp clothes clutched at me uncomfortably, I wanted nothing more.

The coffee shop was almost deserted, so we had no trouble snagging a corner booth. The warmth and comforting smell of coffee hit me at once. I shrugged off my clammy jacket. Rachel stared openly at me. "I told you it was my best dress." I retorted as her eyes lingered.

"Yeah I guess you did." She lifted her gaze again. "I'm really starting to like this place." She announced. I tried to figure out what she was thinking, but that was one of her gifts not mine. She wanted to say more, I knew that much, so I held my tongue and waited.

"I'm being serious." Rachel replied. "I told you before that the people make the place. I wasn't kidding. People, all the things that make them who they are, the memories and the stories, those are the things that you remember, not the landscapes. I've seen some beautiful sights, but it's nothing if that's all a city has to offer. A place needs to be much more than the sum of just what you can see. I never thought of all the areas I've visited, that Lima, Ohio would prove to be one of the most fascinating." She grinned. "That's because of you, Quinn; you drew me into your world."

"You make it sound sinister." I retorted with a smirk, "Like I lured you into my web or something. We both know you aren't some innocent." I paused, it was funny to think that I was having some profound effect on her all that time she was twisting my stomach in knots, I wasn't sure if I believed it."You give me too much credit. It was simple really. I'm shallow, I saw you as the very attractive new girl. You intrigued me so I wanted to get close to you."I downplayed all my inner angst, oversimplifying everything to a laughable degree. I tried to appear cool and detached, but my façade crumbled and I collapsed into giggles.

Rachel grinned. "Past tense, you aren't bored of me already are you?" I said nothing. One thing the brunette could never be was boring. She captivated me even when she was doing something as simple as sipping a hot drink. Rachel Berry was a sight I could never tire of. It may not have been a textbook date, but it became something better. That night, I managed to redefine what "perfect" meant to me.


	10. Chapter 10

**I can't finish my other Faberry fic, my brain just won't let me for some reason, so I thought I'd escape into this world for a while. **

**Is it wrong how excited I got by the little faberry touch in the "I kissed a Girl" performance? Probably, but I take what I can get. Faberry goodness is Faberry goodness in whatever form.**

**Not much Faberry in this chapter (although I like to think what there is, is short and sweet). So I hope that's good enough. Lots of Finn douchebaggery though which is almost as awesome haha. **

**Glad I've beaten my writers block to an extent at least. Enjoy as ever, and let me know thoughts and feelings!**

I'm not naïve. I don't expect miracles or that the world should grind to a halt just because I had one wonderful date with Rachel Berry. I don't expect the universe to alter in any way to conform to my good mood. That would be ridiculous; however, I thought it feasible that I'd be able to enjoy being on cloud nine for a little longer before reality brought me crashing down. That was not what happened unfortunately. My wake-up call arrived in the form of my ex-boyfriend. It was the first time I'd run into him since I ended it, and I expected avoidance or awkward silence, at best, I imagined we'd exchange stilted small talk. I didn't predict that he would try and win me back ._Is a clean break too much to ask? _I suppose I hadn't done any favours by taking him back in the past, but I thought things were different this time, he didn't even seem to want me now that I had a reputation had, in his words "taken a nosedive."

When he said he wanted to ask me something, my heart sank. I recognised that look in his eye, it was a familiar sight. I was confused though, usually our reconciliations had a 48 hour window which had passed without either of us even acknowledging each other. I thought that was the end and it sounds horrible to say it, but I was relieved. Finn and I weren't right for each other. I think we were killing time until graduation, taking what we needed from relationship until then; any love was long faded for both of us. I was just the first to admit it that's all and I'm not sorry I did. I don't think I realised what was lacking in our relationship until that night in the rain. Until then, I'd just assumed that there were many different kinds of love and I'd settled for what I could get. I was never going to do that again.

"What do you want Finn?" I asked as kindly as I could manage.

"I think maybe I was too hasty in storming off the other day. We both said things that we shouldn't have, but I've had time to cool down and think about things. We should give things another try Quinn, there are only a few months until college, and we shouldn't end things like this."

"How should we end it then, a tearful goodbye at graduation? Or do you want to string things out over the summer too, so that I can wave you off to college like the dutiful girlfriend? Come on Finn, deep down you know that we've been going nowhere for a while." It came out slightly harsher than I intended, but I'd had enough. I took a deep breath, annoyed at myself for reacting like this. I hated that I was such a slave to my emotions.

"Quinn, don't be like that, just give me another chance, I just need a little more time."

It hit me then that we were getting close to the real reason for this exchange. It wasn't romantic, he didn't miss me, he _needed_ me. There was ulterior motive to this, and I guessed that it had something to do with his father. "When's he back in town?" I muttered, cutting through the bullshit at once._ No more games._

Finn sighed. "The day after tomorrow."

I wanted to yell at him, curse him for not being stronger and standing up to his dad, but I couldn't, not really. Mr Hudson reminded me or a snobbier, old-fashioned version of my own father. Not a favourable comparison when you consider that Russell Fabray isn't exactly a humanitarian to begin with. The heavy weight of parental expectation was something I could relate to. Finn was terrified of disappointing his dad and I couldn't blame him. The way my father looked at me was something that would never wish on anyone. With a heavy heart I declined. "Sorry Finn, I can't."

"Please Quinn; just give me a few days, he likes you."

Maybe if he had been honest about the proposition from the start, I might have helped, but he hadn't. He lied and I refused to be sucked into that world again. "No. You'll have to find somebody else, or better yet, tell him the truth."

"You owe me." That really angered me. That simple sentence summed up his whole attitude when we were dating. He always seemed to think that he could snap his fingers and I'd come running, like he was doing me some by deigning to be seen with a mere mortal like me. He wasn't god's gift to anything, just another scared little boy. It was time he realised that. I walked away, ignoring his apologies as he followed after.

"You're seeing someone aren't you? Why else would you be acting like this, you've changed. You forget I know you." _No you don't!_ I wanted to scream, but that was partly my fault, I'd kept him at arm's length from day one, and even when I'd wanted him close, it wasn't as if I was really being myself. I don't think I even knew who I was then. I stayed silent, wondering how much I should reveal. It was early days with Rachel and I liked that nobody knew yet. I could just enjoy being with her without any pressure. "It's Puck isn't it? That's low Quinn, even for you, he's my best friend." I ignored the rest of his tirade and he eventually stopped talking, most likely convinced by the look of revulsion on my face that the suggestion prompted. "I'll find out, you know that I will."

I heard myself saying the words and I was powerless to stop them. "It's Rachel, okay, I'm dating Rachel." I regretted it immediately, not because I was ashamed, but because of the look on Finn's face. "You can't say anything." I added quickly. I could see his mind working. Aside from Puck, he was the most indiscrete boy in school. _This was a mistake. _I wished I could start this whole conversation over, but that was unlikely. I stood facing him, hoping I looked more confident than I felt.

"So you're gay now too?" He brushed off my protests. I didn't even know what I was, it was plausible, but it was also possible that I only liked boys apart from Rachel. I wasn't sure. It was a grey area but Finn was quick to label me. That's what we do, especially at Mckinley, it's not just about sexuality, there are the cliques too, you're a jock or a geek or whatever first, before you are identified as anything else. "First Santana and now you, I can't believe this, please tell me this wasn't because of me. I can't have turned another girl into a lesbian!"

I honestly wanted to slap him. I rolled my eyes. It was so typical that he turned all this around; everything had to be about him. I suddenly remembered why it was so exhausting being his girlfriend. I sighed. I couldn't believe that he had bought up Santana. That was such ancient history, long before my time and I'd almost forgotten that she'd taken his virginity. It wasn't something I ever thought about. It was infuriating to me that he'd compare us, my situation was entirely different. "You can't make anybody gay Finn. This isn't about you." I hoped that was the end of it, I just wanted to get away, to find Rachel and escape for a while, somewhere where this didn't matter. "Please, just don't tell anyone."

I had no way of knowing what he was going to do, but I was trying not to freak out. I hoped he still cared enough about me to respect what I asked of him but I wasn't sure, it only took one other person knowing for the secret to get out. I wanted to tell people on my own terms, when I was ready. It had only been a few days, one date; I wasn't ready to be outted. The more I thought about it, the more scared I became. By the time I met Rachel, I was a nervous wreck. She didn't seem concerned when I explained what had happened, which instead of relaxing me, had the opposite effect. It was like she wasn't taking this seriously. It didn't occur to me that she wouldn't understand, that she'd never met my parents or that she wouldn't have to worry about such things because her dads' were supportive. I just needed someone to join in with me for a while until I calmed down, but she was silent, letting me rant.

Her unwavering calm wasn't helping. "Teachers gossip too. My mom is on the PTA, what do I do?" I said finally, on the verge of tears. She pulled me into a comforting hug, stroking my hair. I looked at her helplessly.

"Do whatever you've got to do. I won't be offended." She replied.

I'd underestimated her. She did understand and she was giving me permission to deny her and lie if it came to that. I didn't want to, but it was nice to know that, she was with me regardless. On top of everything else, I wouldn't be able to bear it if she was mad at me. "You're amazing." I whispered. I ran out of words so I kissed her. There was no better boost to my mood. All my worries were put on the backburner. I just wanted to enjoy this, here and now, me and her. I didn't care what I had to do, or what happened next, I was never going to stop kissing her.

"So are you, you have no idea do you? I wonder if anyone would have ever really told you if I hadn't come along." She smiled, "and I'm glad I met you Quinn Fabray."

I was nearly crying again. I gazed at her. "Me too." I wanted to tell her so many things, that the few weeks I'd known her, much less the ensuing days she'd been my girlfriend were the happiest I could ever remember. I didn't get a chance; she snatched my potential words away with another kiss. I didn't mind. It didn't matter, I think she already knew.

The intensity of our feelings seemed to pass unspoken between us. It scared me a little, I'd never felt like this before, and in such a short space of time. _I love you. _I thought. I didn't say it, not then. It was too soon, even if the words had managed to break through in between the short intakes of air. _Is it even possible to love someone after a few days? _I decided it had to be, I'd known after a few seconds hadn't I? That didn't mean I could tell her. I didn't really know that much about her, how she felt, what this relationship was to her or whether she'd been in love before. She might not fall easily like I had. I didn't want to scare Rachel away. We would have to talk. My declarations could be put on hold, for now it was enough that I knew the truth and sufficient that I felt it burning deep inside. It was my secret waiting to be shared. Rachel Berry wasn't going anywhere, we had plenty of time.


	11. Chapter 11

**Okay, so not my most well-written chapter in my opinion, but it pretty much wrote itself so who am I to argue? I can't believe this is currently the only story I have in progress, Faberry or otherwise. It makes me kind of sad. Probably a good thing as I'm really busy at the moment and don't have much time to update.**

***Shameless self-promotion- I have just written a new oneshot, I would love some feedback on it and my other unloved Faberry oneshot. Thanks in advance.***

**Sorry for the distinct lack of Rachel in this chapter (I spoilt you with the previous two didn't I?) I hope you enjoy anyway, here's some insight into Quinn's home life…**

Seeing my parents sat at the kitchen table side by side and waiting for me to come home wasn't a good sign. In fact, I'm pretty sure; the two of them being in the same room for any extended period of time would bring about the apocalypse or World War III. I assure you I'm not being overdramatic. My parents barely acknowledge each other when it's just the three of us. When we don't have guests, my dad spends most of his time in his study. I prefer that to our evening meal when he towers over the head of the table like a medieval patriarch. He discusses my day with me, or I should say, I talk and he listens. I can feel him dissecting my every word. I used to wonder if he could sense my lies or omissions, but these days I'm well rehearsed. I've gotten so good at it that I never stumble, its second nature. My false smile never slips.

My mom flits in and out like a waitress, keeping the wineglasses filled; she doesn't sit down or otherwise offer anything by way of input into the familial interaction. A mundane comment on the dryness of the lamb or the weather we've been having would suffice, just so I would know that she is in there somewhere. There is nothing. My mother moves through the house like a ghost, her eyes vacant and her face expressionless. I watch her, desperate to know what she thinks or feels about anything. The only thing I've gleaned in all my years is that Judy Fabray never eats. The only morsels I've ever seen pass her lips are the olives in her martini glasses. Also the only emotion she seems capable of possessing for longer than a brief moment, at least in my presence, is mild disapproval. She wears it that day.

I sit down and wait. I know what is expected of me. _Children should be seen and not heard. _My dad is from that school of parenting. _Don't speak unless you are spoken to._ That old adage applies to my mother too. We both hold our tongues, something we are used to.

"Quinnie, your mother and I would like to talk to you. I know it is not our place to interfere, but your mother has heard some distressing things about you and that boy Finn Hudson. "

I had to suppress an eye roll. I could literally feel my eyeball twitching. It was laughable. _Not wanting to interfere,_ _my parents lived for this_. "We broke up Daddy." I replied with mock serenity. "We just grew apart, we both want different things. I think it will prove mutually beneficial."

My dad nodded, momentarily satisfied. "Well, I never did think he was good enough for my little girl, a decent pedigree, but no class. That's something money can't buy." An _aspect of life that you would know all about_ I thought.

"You deserve better." My mom chimed in, surprising me. Nevertheless it was no reason to get my hopes up that she would spring to my defence at any point during this exchange, her voice was toneless. She may as well have been asking me to pass the salt. I took a deep breath and began my prearranged speech. Rachel hadn't been mentioned yet and I was eager to deflect attention away from my relationship with the brunette.

Luckily, I was prepared for the scene about to unfold before me. Puck asked me out at school. He'd never shown any interest in me before so my curiosity was piqued straight away. He must have known. Finn had blabbed. Sure enough, Noah Puckerman invited me on a date to Breadstix. He told me cheerfully to bring Rachel so that, and I quote, we could "make out in front of him and stuff". In his mind, that was something we would be willing to do in exchange for a free meal. That kind of thinking was precisely what I was trying to avoid. _Thanks Finn, so much for keeping your mouth shut. _I didn't waste much time on that Neanderthal. The whole school probably knew by then. I just wanted to find Rachel. We came up with the idea together. This was my chance and it was arriving out of the blue enough, at least in their minds, to grab my parents' attention.

I would make them forget all about my love life, throw another obstacle in their path. Nothing I planned to say was a lie; on the contrary, it was a truth I had been dying to reveal. "I want to go to take a year and go travelling before college." I blurted out quickly. They stared at me wide-eyed.

"That is out of the question." My father barked in response. I had anticipated a hostile reaction, so I continued unabated.

I hoped that my passion would connect on some level, but I wasn't holding my breath. "I need to do this. How can you expect me to go straight out of school into college and then a career when I don't even know what I want to do? I haven't really lived yet and you want me to sign my life away on a future that I'm not even sure I want. I want to see the world, experience things. What's so wrong with that? There is plenty of time."

"Let me guess, you've got some hippie notion about finding yourself on some godforsaken backwards continent. You know exactly who you are, you're my daughter and no child of mine is wasting her time like that. Your mother and I have invested a lot of time, effort and money into your education and planning for your future so that you can be the best. You aren't risking that on some escapade Quinn. Is that clear?"

I snorted then, unable to help myself. _Money yes, maybe even some time, but effort, that was a joke. _My father glared at me, indicating that this conversation was over. _Why don't you care about me? I'm not simply an extension of you, a beautiful baby doll for you to pose! _I wanted to scream but histrionics would get me nowhere. If I had a chance of my father treating me as an adult, I had to be calm and rational. "Give me the summer at least. If I can prove to you that this isn't a waste of time and I'm not abandoning my college plans, will you let me go?" It was a reasonable request, a compromise, but there was no room for that in our household. I was chasing a lost cause, but I wasn't ready to surrender yet. Rachel might have been charmed by Lima but I had lived there long enough to dream of real escape. I wanted the kind of adventures that I had only read about. College couldn't offer me that.

"You heard your father. He said no." Any pretence of reason or calm went out the window. My mother must have had aspirations too. She had abandoned hers; I wasn't giving up so easily. This conversation became more than a diversion. It was a battle of wills.

_Just give me a stake in my own future. _It's a long life to do only what you're told. I'd already had 17 years of it. So I snapped. "What do you say mom? Go on, tell me. You don't have to be his puppet, what do _you_ think, haven't you ever wanted to see the world?" I had gone too far. I knew it at once. I tried to apologise, to explain, but it was evident that I'd burned my bridges. I was on my own about this.

My father's face turned a very unattractive shade of purple and I flinched inwardly at the incoming blitz. "It's that Rachel Berry girl putting those ideas into your head isn't it. I thought sending you to that school we'd gotten you away from bad influences. You were doing so well, on the right track, I thought we had no more reason to worry. Trouble gravitates towards you my girl. I don't think you should be friends with Rachel Berry any more. She's bad news and you've had enough distractions. You need to buckle down." That was my father's final word on the matter and he got up to leave the table.

I wasn't having any of it. I could handle him dictating to me about any other aspect of my life, but not this. "I'll be friends with however I like." I countered furiously. "You don't even know Rachel. She's the most amazing person, if you just met her, you'd see. You might even like her daddy. Please just trust me." I didn't avert my gaze even as I grew terrified that he could see through me. I refused to relent; he would take it as submission. There were more than travel plans at stake here. I struggled not to evoke the memory of the way I'd kissed Rachel only an hour earlier. _Did he notice the flush of my cheeks?_ It was unmistakable and I prayed he misinterpreted it as a sign of outrage and nothing more.

My dad stood firm. "I think past experience has shown us that we can't rely on you. You continue to make bad decisions Quinn, so I'm taking the matter out of your hands. You won't humiliate this family with your antics anymore. That's the end of it. Stay away from that girl, it isn't a request."

I wasn't backing down this time like some meek little child. "And if I don't?"I challenged angrily. I was thinking of all the things I had done to try and please him, it was never adequate. I had almost lost sight of myself under the influence of my parents and I wasn't going to do it anymore. My mind was made up.

"If you choose to defy me on this, I can promise that you won't enjoy the consequences of that decision. Go to your room and think about that." My answer was the slamming of the door.

I walked and walked. I had to clear my head before I said something I regretted, something I couldn't take back. I cursed myself for telling Finn and starting all of this. I shouldn't have done it. It was a mistake; I just couldn't bear the thought of him thinking I was lying next to Puck. I had said no more lies after what I did to Santana and I meant it, even if they were for my own good. In the back of my mind was also the thought of rejecting Rachel by perpetuating those rumours. Despite what she had said, how could I do that after she had been nothing but kind and sweet towards me? I could handle people at school knowing if it meant she continued to look at me in that way of hers. It is so all encompassing and I would happily risk my own neck for that.

My parents, that was another issue entirely. I could never sway them. They weren't simple school kids that I could bend to my will. It was frustrating to think how little control over my own life that I actually possessed. I was far too likely to fly off the handle if I attempted to stay in that house a moment longer. I was powerless to prevent my father from pursuing this. If he realised how important Rachel had become to me, he'd transfer me to another school in a heartbeat. It was his solution for everything, start again, reinvent. Sure, I was desperate to leave Lima, but not like that. I wanted to go under my own terms, not do some moonlight flit. I wouldn't let him force me to run. This time I had too much to lose.

The shadows were lengthening and the mixture of alarm and rage that coursed through my veins did nothing to warm my blood. I shivered. I knew where to go; there was only one place I wanted to be. I dialled the number from memory. "Rachel, are you home? Stay there, I'm coming over."


	12. Chapter 12

**Usual disclaimer and blah. I cannot talk about Glee because it stirred up too much anger for me. Why oh why can't it be consistent? When they do something well it's amazing, other times (within the same episode it is almost unwatchable). My love hate-relationship continues I guess…**

**Anyway, on to the update. I've shown you into Quinn's life, now it's time for a glimpse into the Berry Residence. I wish we could see her dads' on the show, I bet they would be awesome, I love writing them in fics.**

**Enjoy, and as ever, let me know what you think.**

Rachel Berry's house was the home I'd always wanted, cosy, warm and most importantly inviting. Everything I knew about Rachel made sense now in this context. The Berry residence wasn't some kind of show house, all the clutter amassed revealing a life lived to the fullest, enjoyed not endured. Every inch was crammed with colours and textures' vying for your attention, the eclectic mix was breathtaking, especially after being subjected to the muted tones of my mother's decorating palette. I didn't know where to look, my eyes darting everywhere as I breathed in the atmosphere. It was everything I expected and more, every inch an Aladdin's cave that whispered things about Rachel that I had not yet discovered.

I ignored the bric-a-brac and assorted trinkets, no doubt collected during their extensive travels, that fought for space on every available surface, that wasn't what I cared about right then. My gaze became locked on the photos that lined the walls, my very own Rachel Berry timeline. I studied each picture from first of a curly-haired infant, up to present day. That trademark grin I loved so much was present throughout. I marvelled at the life unfolding before my eyes. It hardly seemed real; the skinny little girl who took such delight at riding on an elephant was now here in Lima, Ohio. It scared me. So many destinations, such fleeting ties to anywhere, and yet she never faltered. I didn't understand how she could be so well-adjusted, so settled. I'd never had that and I'd never really gone more than 100 miles from my own backyard in either direction. Then I met her dads' and everything slotted into place. It all became clear. It didn't matter where they went or how much of a nomadic life they led, they always had each other. They felt safe and loved no matter what. They were always home.

If her dads' were put out by my sudden appearance they didn't show it. On the contrary, Hiram and Leroy Berry fussed over me as though I was an honoured guest. Before I'd even taken off my jacket they'd shown more interest in me than my parents had all year. I wondered how much Rachel had told them about me, about _us. _They seemed to know a lot of my answers to their questions before I had even fully formulated a reply. Hiram in particular seemed in his element and I got the impression that Rachel had inherited his fondness of gentle teasing and his streak of insatiable curiosity. I lapped it up though, they were so comical the three of them, unconventional but nonetheless the model of an ideal family unit. I envied their closeness and was just happy to be able to gasp a small piece of their reflected happiness from the fringes.

"Are you staying for dinner honey?" Leroy asked me. I nodded emphatically before realising that my familiarity with vegan cuisine only extended as far as my small foray into picnic snacks. And, I hadn't actually eaten any of those. _Oops. _I needn't have worried. Dinner was fabulous. My clean plate wasn't simply due to politeness. I accepted a second helping eagerly as the Berry's looked on smirking.

"For a skinny blonde, she sure can eat." Leroy quipped, joyfully patting himself on the back all the while for being such a good cook. I watched as Hiram, his sous-chef smiled adoringly at the man beside him and couldn't help returning the gesture.

"Don't your parents feed you at home?" Hiram replied teasingly as I finished up the next serving. I tensed and Rachel sensed my discomfort.

"Leave her alone dad." Rachel muttered tenderly, quietly adding, "you too daddy" when it seemed as though Leroy was going to take up his husbands baton. She turned to me speaking up so that I wouldn't have to answer. She deflected the conversation back to her fathers' managing to keep the tone light-hearted without missing a beat. My eyes silently conveyed my thanks and I relaxed again. "Sorry, they just love to play good cop, good cop. It's rare for me to have somebody over and they just have to make the most of it."

My eyebrow quirked involuntarily. It felt like I had somehow intruded by just inviting myself over, I hadn't thought it would be a big deal, but that statement implicated that this was not an ordinary scenario for Rachel. _Am I the first girlfriend to meet her parents? _It had been an accident; I hadn't planned on introductions yet. It was all happening so fast. It struck me how little I knew about Rachel's past, particularly with regards to her relationships. There could be a trail of Rachel Berry conquests all over the globe. _How many girlfriends has she had?_ I was assuming that she liked girls based purely on our interactions, but there might have been boyfriends too, I wasn't even sure how she defined her sexuality. She had introduced me simply as Quinn to her dads' so no clue there. Again that implied a certain amount of shared information about our relationship but I was in the dark about how much, or what had been said. _Is she out to her parents? Is she gay, bi? _I had no idea, it had never occurred to me to ask. She was just Rachel. _Isn't that something I should know about my girlfriend?_ It occurred to me that I kept referring to myself as her girlfriend, but I wasn't even 100% sure if I was. We hadn't made it official and I had to keep reminding myself that we'd only had one date. _I need to stop rushing this._ I felt like we were in a movie and I'd just fast forwarded through half the scenes.

"Can we talk?" I whispered quietly. The three of them had begun to clear the plates, refusing my offers of help. I had lost the thread of the conversation and watched silently, lost in thought as they discussed the unknown topic animatedly in between trips back and forth to the kitchen with the dishes. I could scarcely believe that they made even the chores look fun. I felt guilty for dragging her away from such a content family scene, but I just couldn't immerse myself into the jollity with my mind racing a million miles an hour.

She led me to her room which was as riotous in taste as downstairs. The colours hit me instantly, an explosion of brights. I was momentarily distracted as I took in the surroundings; everything was so quintessentially Rachel Berry as I knew her and I couldn't help but smile in spite of myself. "I feel like maybe I shouldn't have come here." I remarked finally, fidgeting with the edge of her comforter to avoid eye contact.

Rachel saw through me and cut through my evasiveness with ease. "Look at me Quinn, what's wrong?"

I sighed but grudgingly held her gaze. "Me meeting your dads' it's a big deal for you isn't it? They are everything to you and I feel like we rushed this. It's early days, I mean; I don't even know what we are to each other. Maybe it would have been safer, better, to meet on neutral ground."

"It's fine. You are my girlfriend Quinn; both my dads' know that. They've been dying to meet you ever since I came home and gushed about our first date, but they were worried that they'd scare you off." She grinned broadly. "They haven't have they?"

I laughed, both at the absurdity that the Berry men could ever make any less than a perfect impression, and at the idea of Rachel gushing. She didn't seem like the type, she was so cool and calm. I wanted to kiss her so badly then but she was already making the first move, always one step ahead. I let her. In her arms I felt all my earlier troubles melt away. It amazed me how easily she had nullified all my anxieties. I was her girlfriend; the term had slipped out so easily, no trace of hesitation. Wherever Rachel aligned herself on the rainbow, she had chosen me and she hadn't kept it a secret. She had shared everything with her dads'. It was obvious that she should after seeing them together, but the notion was so alien to me.

_No wonder I got the third degree they were vetting me. _I scowled, thinking about the impression I had made. My head was a mess after the confrontation with my dad. "Your dads' are amazing Rach, I just hope that I didn't ruin my chance to make a good first impression."

"You could never do that. You are you, that's what I wanted them to see. You don't have to put on a show for them Quinn, you know that right?"

"I know, it's just, I'm hardly at my best, to be honest, I'm a mess right now. I wasn't thinking when I came over; I just had to see you. I had a huge fight with my dad, that's why I'm here. He heard that I broke up with Finn and he chewed me out about all the ways that I am currently disgracing the Fabray family name. It was pretty rough."

"I figured as much when you called." Rachel paused, a flicker of fear passing over her face. "Does he know about us?"

"Trust me, if he did, I wouldn't have made it. I'd had been shipped off on the next available bus to a conversion camp before you could blink." Rachel grimaced. I wished I could tell her I was joking, or at least exaggerating, but I was deadly serious. "It happened to a boy at my church, my father was very vocal on the subject." I shuddered, remembering all the rants that I had been made to sit through on the topic.

Rachel took my hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "I'm so sorry Quinn…" She trailed off. I didn't blame her. What was there to say? My father was a bigot and I was stuck under his roof until I turned 18. "What are you going to do?" She asked quietly. The tremble in her voice nearly unravelled me. She was the strong one. Nothing fazed her. That fear, it brought home the terrifying reality I faced.

"One thing at a time." I mumbled sadly. "He's already banned me from seeing you. He thinks you are a bad influence since I used our plan to throw him off track about the break-up."

"Well, he's not entirely wrong." Rachel retorted with a wink. "It's nice to see that you took what he said to heart." I was glad that the flash of the scared girl I'd just witnessed had been replaced by default Berry sarcasm. It was reassuring. "He doesn't need to know."

It sounded so straightforward when she said things like that. I wanted desperately to believe the words, for my own sanity above all else. There was so much pressure in my life already whenever I was around my parents. I wasn't sure if I could handle anymore. It was becoming increasingly obvious to them and to me that I could never be the perfect daughter they craved. I wasn't a willing mouthpiece for my father or content as a beautiful doll for my mother. I could only be myself and the more I discovered about who I was, the unhappier it appeared to make them. I was only digging myself deeper and deeper. A secret relationship with someone that they actively disliked was bad enough, but when that someone was another girl, the strain of keeping such a thing concealed might just prove to be the straw that broke the camels back.


	13. Chapter 13

**Okay, so here is the next chapter. Unfortunately this may well be my last update before Christmas. I will do my best, because I love writing this story even more than you guys like reading it, but life can get rather hectic.**

**All during the writing of this chapter, I had **_**South of Nowhere**_** Season One, Episode Five ("First Time") in my head. You can probably tell that Spencer's tale influenced my telling of Rachel's first time. Forgive me. **

**Also the film they were watching during the date, in case you haven't guessed, was "What's Your Number?" I didn't get to see it, although I wanted to, but it seemed a good way to steer the conversation the way I wanted it to go.**

Why couldn't my life be simple? During all the times that I imagined my eagerly awaited second date with Rachel Berry I never expected to be forced to share her. As much as I love the company of Santana and Brittany, a double date wasn't high on my list of ways to woo my new girlfriend. I had grand romantic plans that didn't involve a trip to the local movie theatre to see the latest chick flick. Nevertheless I had no choice; it was this or the continued secret make out sessions in the janitor's closet during any free time at school. I didn't want Rachel to think I was ashamed of her or that I regretted anything we'd done, but I couldn't afford to antagonise my father anymore than I already had, so this was the compromise.

My dad made it quite clear when I eventually went home that night that the only reason we were staying in Lima was because my tuition was paid up until the end of the year. For once, I had a reason to be grateful that my parents weren't as rich as they pretended to be. That being said, I couldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, if my father got angry enough he would cut his losses and pull me out of school regardless. No matter what, I had to remain at Mckinley High, so if that meant downplaying my connection with Rachel I was prepared for that. I would go on as many group dates as necessary; I would even hold her hand under a napkin if that's what it took to make me stay.

On the whole, the movie theatre wasn't a bad move. The film wasn't entirely terrible, it was predictable Hollywood fare, but at least Anna Faris was amusing. It wasn't like any of us were that invested in the plot anyway; the dark, secluded space had other draws for us. Santana winked at me. Of course I had left Rachel's name off the list when I told my parents about this little excursion, but I was paranoid that they suspected, so a trip out of town was not feasible. The Latina had dutifully picked this place because she knew it was safe for me to let my guard down without fear of being noticed, and close enough to home that my parents wouldn't bat an eyelid.

"This is okay, isn't it?" I whispered to the brunette. I was constantly seeking reassurance; I needed her to know that I wasn't willingly hiding her away, that I was still in this with her. The last thing I wanted was for me bowing to the pressure of my father to be the thing that broke us. It was hard to believe that this was only our second date; we'd already been through so much. I looked over at Brittany and Santana; they looked like any other teenagers in love. I felt sad and angry that this was what I'd been reduced to. It wasn't right; relationships were supposed to be easy and fun.

Rachel smiled and squeezed my hand tightly. She didn't need words, her eyes expressed it all._ I love you so much_ I thought. The L word was occupying my thoughts more and more, desperate to escape my lips. _Not yet_ I told myself again. Nevertheless, I felt the dark clouds that were trying to settle over me disappear. I didn't care how hard it was; I just wanted to be with her. I leant in, cupping her face with my hands. Whenever we kissed it was like everybody else melted away and I needed that now. It reminded me that I wasn't alone. She shouldered the burden with me, and without that, I'd have collapsed under the weight days ago.

The time passed too quickly. I tried to saviour every second to keep me sane when I was trapped back inside those four walls. During the car ride home, my snatched kisses with Rachel were constantly interrupted by Brittany and Santana's eagerness to discuss how many people they had slept with. I tried to ignore them, but their chatter was infectious, and I was curious enough to keep being drawn in.

"I can't believe she only slept with 20 guys in that movie, how unrealistic is that!" Brittany lamented from the front seat. I kept quiet, I had secretly considered it to be quite a high figure, but I knew that my friends were considerably less prudish than I. "Hey, Rach, you know ours, so what's your number?" I tensed at the blonde's question, holding my breath. I had often wondered the same thing, but the casual way Brittany asked surprised me.

Rachel retorted without hesitation or unease. "Sorry Britt, I haven't reached double figures just yet. There have only been three people."

I exhaled quietly, shuffling in the back seat. The intentional use of the word _people _instead of _guys_ of _girls_ stayed with me. I had potentially learnt something about Rachel's sexual identity. It wasn't conclusive though so I tried not to dwell on it. Santana, not taking her eyes of the road, smiled broadly. "You can relax now Q, you're girlfriend is practically a saint."

I glared at her, reddening as Rachel directed her gaze at me. "What did you think; I had a girl and boy waiting in every port?" Everybody was laughing at me. This was definitely not how I pictured the evening ending.

"Quinn thinks that sex makes the angels cry." Brittany added. Santana was laughing so hard that she almost swerved. I sulked, quietly seething. _Thanks a lot you guys. _I thought. There was no point trying to protest, my friends had never understood my decision to wait. We had differing opinions on sex, and they didn't understand mine. Finn had never grasped it either; I think he saw me as a challenge, while my girlfriends thought of me as frigid, or sometimes as a holier than thou Christian girl. Although I was the Captain of the Celibacy Club, my decision wasn't even about God, not really, it was just that my virginity was special to me. Most girls at school saw it as something to be gotten rid of, a hurdle to be gotten over, but I was glad that I hadn't just thrown myself at the first person who asked. I wanted my first time to be meaningful.

"Is that so?" Rachel spoke softly, with just a hint of that familiar mockery that I had come to expect.

I sighed. "Please don't tease me about this." I muttered.

Rachel looked at me, seeing into me. I silently willed her to understand. Her manner turned serious. "I would never. Not about something so important. Your first time should be special Quinn." Santana made a gagging noise, but her eyes were actually agreeing. Despite her banter, I think she actually had a grudging respect for me. Only Brittany seemed confused by the statement.

I ignored them and focused on the brunette. Her voice was tinged with regret, and it was that which compelled me to ask the question. I waited until we were alone, saying our goodbyes a block away from my door. "What was your first time like?" I whispered, bracing myself for whatever came next. I wanted to know everything about Rachel.

Rachel chewed her lip thoughtfully for a moment. "I was 15. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. That's not to say that I didn't believe I was madly in love at the time. I was in Italy for the summer, a small town that looked like something out of a child's picture book. It was beautiful. Anyway, as you can imagine, I fell in love with a local boy and he showed me aspects that tourists never get to see. I felt like we were in our own private world. Nico, that was his name, he made me feel so special. He called me _Stellina, _which literally means little star. Of course, his mother hated me, the Jewish American girl that was stealing her son away. It probably would have fizzled out if not for her disapproval and his stubbornness. That made me feel like I was in my very own Romeo and Juliet story, and I'd be lying if I didn't admit that the excitement of us being star-crossed lovers spurred me on. Afterwards I realised that I had been more in love with the idea of it all, the fairytale, instead of the reality, but by then it was too late. I cried when it was over. I know now that I was too young, I wasn't ready."

My heart clenched. "I'm sorry." I felt a rush of love for the young girl, the 15 year old Rachel that I hadn't even met yet, I wanted to protect her. I wondered how much of that girl remained in the Rachel Berry I knew.

"It's okay; it's part of my history, who I am." She paused, smirking as she studied me. "You want to know about the other two don't you?" I did, but the last thing I wanted was to push her, especially after she had already revealed something so personal. Aside from that, I was all too aware that time wasn't on our side.

I shook my head. "You don't have to tell me your whole romantic history in one night." I replied, placing a soft kiss on her lips. "Besides, I should go. I don't want my dad to send out a search party and find us together. Tonight may have been fun, but I don't want a double date to be your lasting memory if my father murders me." The sharp blast of Santana's car horn cut our next kiss short. I sighed irritably whilst Rachel laughed and reluctantly broke our embrace. The irony wasn't lost on me that we were like star-crossed lovers too. _Was that part of the attraction for her? _I pushed the thought away, it didn't matter. Rachel had liked me before all this. It wasn't a game for her. She knew how much I was risking.

"Don't worry, it wouldn't be. I have lots of other memories of you." She retorted with a wink before walking towards the waiting car that idled impatiently by the curb. "Goodnight Quinn."

When I got home, I couldn't stop thinking about what Rachel said. I felt sad for her that her first time hadn't been like she hoped. I couldn't help but wonder about the others. Although I tried desperately not to obsess about it, I kept coming back to thoughts of Rachel in other people's arms. _What had those relationships been like? How did I compare? _I had no experience. We hadn't even come close to having sex, I'd thought about it sure, my dreams were filled with nothing else some nights, but if it was going to happen it was a long way off. I needed to stop freaking out. Being with Finn had never made me crazy like this. _I didn't love him this much though did I? _I decided that it was useless to try and draw parallels, I didn't know those people, and the only person I knew in this scenario was Rachel.

All I had to go on was the brunette, but she seemed happy, in spite of everything and so all I could do make sure things stayed that way. I decided to plough all my energy into ensuring that another date happened somehow, a proper one. I had no idea how I would accomplish this under my parents noses, but I needed to think of something. I couldn't carry on like this. The next date had to be special. No more disasters, interruptions, curfews or chaperons, it was going to be just me and her together like it should've been all along. My goal was to be the girlfriend that Rachel Berry deserved and nothing was going to prevent me from doing just that.


	14. Chapter 14

**Okay so I found time for an update. It has a spectacularly fluffy ending that I refuse to apologise for because I'm still riding high after the Faberry episode. (308 will forever be known as that, to me, they were just OH SO cannon!) **

**Even the underwhelmedness of the new episode hasn't dampened my spirits. Alright so I admit, divaish Rachel redeemed it for me, but hey if she's gotta be a part of Finchel she needs some compensations. If you were going out with someone as dumb as Finn, you'd spell it out too, wouldn't you?**

**Anyway, enjoy the chapter. Just to clarify, there is a bit of a time jump. So let's just say it's been a few weeks since the last one. Okay? Then read on…**

I decided that during the next few months I wanted no more regrets. There had to be a way to keep everyone happy. I could have it all couldn't I? I distracted my parents with my grades, I volunteered for every extra credit assignment I could get, aced my tests and handed my homework in early. It was a slog, but it worked. The teachers were so dazzled that it filtered back to my mom. Easy really, an upturn in my grades meant more trust, which meant more time alone with Rachel. I made sure that I even slipped in the odd comment about her tutoring me in math.

My grades in that subject were always a sore point for my father, a blemish on my otherwise spotless report card. In the past he had lavished money on private tuition, to no avail, so even he couldn't remain antagonistic when he saw that I was doing better. Sure, it may not have been all my own work, but I'm not a saint, I never claimed I was. I was just glad that although he was stubbornly unwilling for me to be friends with Rachel, he didn't openly despise her now. She was useful in his eyes, a commodity, and although it pained me to buy into the charade, at least I could mention her name in his presence without him exploding. It was exhausting to have to censor everything I said. I had lost count of the times I had almost slipped up when my mom asked me how my evening had been, or the occasions during dinner, that I could swear my father was able to read the deceit in my eyes and words unspoken on my lips. I could scarcely breathe. My web of lies had been keeping me awake at night, so it was nice to be able to indulge in some half-truths as a kind of respite.

School was better too. The rumour mill had moved on. It helped that Finn Hudson had a new girlfriend, this girl Candace who was as tedious as him, but conventionally good looking enough for them to warrant the title of Mckinley's new hottest couple. I was glad; I couldn't take the looks that Finn kept throwing me. A girl to focus on was just what he needed. Santana and I may have given that fledgling relationship a nudge in the right direction, but it wasn't meddling; it was a force for good. By the time that the news circulated that Puck may or may not have given a cheerleader a STD, which by the way was none of my doing, my relationship with Rachel was firmly on the backburner with regards to gossip.

Ironically, during this time, as a couple, things were heating up between us. My hard won freedom gave us the opportunity for more dates. They were secret, but at least they weren't chaperoned. The chance to get away from Lima meant that we didn't need to be so careful and we took full advantage of that. It felt so good to be able to walk hand in hand and kiss without fear of reprisals. It gave me a glimpse of what life could be like and I couldn't get enough.

"What we're doing, this is alright isn't it?" We were walking back to the car after a date at a lovely restaurant that Rachel's dad recommended. I was happy, but the prospect of going home cast a shadow over our goodbye, as it always did. Me knowing that I faced a whole night before I could see the brunette again, she all too aware that there was nothing she could do to help. The oppressiveness of my house beckoned to me, stretched out over the miles that I had put between us and my hometown. I could never fully relax.

Rachel looked down at our linked hands back to me, slightly puzzled. I squeezed her hand tighter. "I don't mean that, I just, I wish I could show you off, and that we could hang out with my parents like we do at your house. I don't want to hide anymore. I'm just so sick and tired of it."

We seemed to have been having variations of this conversation for a while, but I felt like every time I made some progress with my parents that I was waiting for the roof to cave in under the weight of things I hadn't said. I wondered if there was ever going to be the right time for the truth. It seemed like everyone was content except me. I hated putting a downer on the only times I felt joy, but all the same, I couldn't understand why Rachel, who was so unashamedly herself, would put up with this, with me. I tried, but I couldn't be perfect for everyone and being what my parents wanted made me feel like I was short-changing myself and my girlfriend. It was an endless tug of war and I wanted to stop playing. I sighed, leaning into the brunette for comfort.

"I wish I could make it all okay for you Quinn." Rachel smiled at me so openly, tears in her eyes.

"You do." I whispered. "More than you know, it's everything else." We had reached Rachel's car, but I wasn't ready to go home. I stalled, pulling her into me, kissing her until my lungs burned impatiently for air. When we broke away, Rachel fished into her pocket for the keys.

"It's 10.30, time to get you home before your parents miss you." She reminded me gently. I scowled. Craziness overtook me, a desperation that I hadn't felt since the day I threw my coffee over some kid to prove myself. I took the keys and flung them as far as I could.

In hindsight that probably wasn't the best idea. When we couldn't find them, Rachel pouted. She had to talk her dads to come pick us up and retrieve the spare set of keys from home. She was mad. "I'm sorry." I mumbled as she stared stonily ahead, her gaze fixed on the back of her Hiram's head. He smirked, trying not to laugh, and I crumbled, my lips curving into a smile.

"It's not funny Quinn." She replied sternly. I felt like a chastised child. "I'm really sorry." I repeated, more sincere this time. She had never acted like this towards me before, so serious. Usually there was humour lurking underneath so I knew that I'd really upset her. I decided to fix it with honesty, relaying everything that I had been feeling these past weeks. "It's just I hate this. All the sneaking around, the lies, the snatched moments here and there, I thought I could handle this, but I don't want to anymore."

"What are you saying?" Rachel asked, chewing her lip as she waited for my answer.

"I'm going to tell my parents the truth."

Rachel turned to me, her anger forgotten. "You need to think about this, the repercussions of what you just said. You think things are bad now, but at least we get to see each other. What happens if they send you away? We could end up spending the next few months in different cities. What then? When Daddy came out, his parents disowned him; he almost ended up on the streets. I don't want you to have to face that." I looked at Leroy and he nodded sadly, confirming the story.

I shrunk back. It had been so easy saying those words, but in my haste I had glossed over the reality of what my parents were capable of. I wanted the fairytale, but sometimes you take refuge in secrets and lies for a reason. I began to cry, loud body racking sobs, the force of which scared me. I had never cried like that before, it was like I split open and all my sorrow just pooled out until I was spent. "What am I going to do?" I choked out through my tears. Rachel had no answer; she just clung to me tighter, blinking back teardrops of her own as she tried to be strong for me. I loved her so much for that.

As we got closer to home, I composed myself and began to repair my ravaged reflection. Make-up hides a multitude of woes. By the time we reached my door, I looked almost identical to the girl that had left a few hours before, but something had changed, the dam had broken. "I'm sorry I ruined everything." I retorted on the front steps, feeling foolish and tired. "Apologise to your dads' for me-"Rachel put a finger on my lips, silencing me.

"You didn't." She smiled, kissing my cheek. I let her. The house was dark, my parents weren't home yet. I think even if my parents had been waiting on the porch I still would have let her. I needed it. "Listen, I know you think that you have to be this perfect girlfriend, but its okay, I do understand the pressure that you're under. It would make anyone crack up. You, Quinn Fabray, are only human, and I love you all the more for that."

I stumbled back against the doorframe. "Did you just say…?"

Rachel grinned. "You heard me, I love you." She wrapped her arms around me.

"I wanted to say it first." I mumbled against her neck.

Rachel rolled her eyes, still beaming as she looked up at me. "You can't control everything Quinn." She retorted. To emphasise this, she kissed me, hard, taking the control firmly into her own hands. I laughed, thinking that for once, letting someone else take the reins wasn't such a bad thing after all.

"I love you too." I whispered. Letting those words come out finally was a huge relief. It was one less secret to carry, and at least this one, was a truth that I wasn't afraid to voice, at least not to the girl standing in front of me. Those 3 words made me stronger as though nothing could hurt me. I had a reason to keep fighting. Going inside, the repressive atmosphere dissipated under the force of my radiant, unwavering joy. Now that I knew for certain that Rachel Berry loved me that was enough. I cradled the knowledge as I retreated to my bedroom; the warmth I carried made it feel more like a home, although nothing inside had altered and I was still by myself.

No matter what, I knew that I would look back on tonight as one of the greatest times of my life. It never failed to amaze me how Rachel Berry could turn everything around. During that car ride, I had been ready to fling myself under the wheels of a passing truck, and now, I was so happy that my heart was fit to burst in my chest. "I love Rachel Berry." I declared boldly into the empty room. I would never get sick of saying it. I adored the way it sounded. I flung myself onto my pillows, crushing my toy lamb into a tight embrace. I didn't want to sleep, I'd have been glad to stay awake all night in fact. Dreams are fleeting, they fade with the morning light, whereas, how I felt right then, that was a forever feeling.


	15. Chapter 15

**Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all! I'm sorry to say that you may not be feeling very jolly after this update. I'm sorry, after the nice fluffy end of the last chapter, it's kind of like a punch in the face, but that's just how I was feeling. So, yeah, my present to you is a bucket of angst, cold water on the Faberry happiness parade!**

**I hope you like the chapter anyway. Let me know your thoughts.**

I was surprised to see my mother at breakfast. Normally, I just filled my thermos and was good to go and face the day. It suited me, I wasn't a morning person and neither was she. Alarm bells rang immediately, although I couldn't pinpoint what it was that I might have done. Seeing my mother anytime before noon usually meant that she wanted a private word with me and that was never good. I busied myself with my morning routine, waiting, hoping that she wouldn't see how on edge I was.

"Quinnie, I need to talk to you about that Rachel Berry girl." I nearly scolded myself on the freshly made coffee, dropping my flask, forgotten into the sink. I gripped the porcelain, forcing myself to take a steadying breath. I thought we had put all this Rachel stuff to rest of late, but here it was, at the forefront of my mother's mind, worrying her enough to confront me alone. _It might be nothing_ I tried to tell myself, but even I wasn't that naïve. I turned, burying my anxiety deep.

I used all my skills to project an outward show of disinterest, feigning boredom even as my nerves were jangling. I'm not sure how successful it was, but I had to try. "What's this about?" I drawled. "I'm going to be late for school." I wasn't, I had plenty of time, but this wasn't a conversation that I wanted to dawdle over. Bad news, if that's what this was, needed to come fast, like ripping off a Band-Aid. I braced myself for whatever bombshell my mother was about to drop. Nevertheless, the words that came out of her mouth ripped through me with more force than I could have ever foreseen.

"School can wait. I saw you last night." I stopped breathing for a second and the kitchen dimmed before my eyes. _This cannot be happening. _I collapsed down onto the nearest stool, my body trembling. I didn't trust my knees not to give.

"What?" I spluttered, still clutching at the misguided hope that maybe she had seen something else, something entirely more innocent. _Not the kiss, oh god, please… _my mind screamed at me uselessly. I scrambled for a more harmless explanation, anything to stop my world caving in. There was nothing to cling too; there was nothing else she could mean. _How could this happen? _We were so careful, we always were. I remembered clearly, the house had been in darkness, cold and unoccupied. "How?" I breathed, not even bothering to argue. There was no fight in me then, I could feel myself sinking. The voice that had fought its way out didn't even resemble mine.

"I came home early from the Christian Wine Tasting. I felt one of my migraines coming on, so I got a cab."

That explained the darkness. I looked up at her fearfully. "Dad?" I had lost the ability to formulate sentences; it hurt to even utter that. My chest was on fire, it felt like it was locking up tight, either in order to protect my heart for what was to come, or to try and prevent it from caving in.

"I came home alone, thank god." I waited for her to say something, anything that signalled how she felt about this. Her tone was a sneer that gave away nothing but her usual dislike for me. I would have preferred it if she screamed at me, at least I would know where I stood. I could handle that. This felt like conversational limbo, or purgatory. She didn't elaborate.

"Are you going to tell him?" I asked, disgusted with myself for the way my question had taken on a pleading tone. I hated the way that I suddenly needed her. I bit my tongue to prevent myself from openly begging. I had to keep some dignity.

She looked at me like I was totally insane for a moment before composing herself. With both knew that this news would kill my father's hopes for me. I had frustrated him all my life, most poignantly in my first act of being born. I had displeased him by not being the son he longed for, something I'd had no control over and although I had a similar lack of control my feelings for Rachel, he wouldn't see it like that; he would consider it to be something I chose to act on. This would be my father's greatest disappointment and there would be no coming back from it. I held my breath.

"That depends on you." My mother retorted, throwing the gauntlet of responsibility firmly back to me. I looked at her, this monosyllabic exchange was the longest I could remember us having for a while, but there was no pleasure in that. This wasn't a happy scenario and I wished that I could prevent it from ever happening._ Why me? Why me?_

"Are you saying that you'll keep my secret?" I replied in disbelief.

"Make no mistake; I'm not doing this for you. Your father can never know about this. That means that this _infatuation_ you seem to have with the Berry girl, you end it now. I mean really end it, no more sneaking around, because if I get even one hint that you are continuing to lie, then I won't protect you. Your father will hear everything and you will have to take your chances with his mercy." She spat out the word infatuation as though it was poison. I knew she was trivialising everything that I had with Rachel but I couldn't find the strength to contradict her.

My thoughts were occupied solely by my father. We both knew that Russell's capacity for mercy wasn't far-reaching and my mother was counting on that very thing. I felt sick. My own mom was asking me to give up the only good thing that I had or risk losing everything else. I visualised my father's wrath and the mere imagining caused me to shrink back into my seat. I shuddered.

"Now Quinnie, get to school, we can't have you being late, that wouldn't do at all." Just like that she had switched back to her charming yet disconnected mother persona. I couldn't be around her anymore or I might say something rash.

I slunk out of the house with my head down, cursing my life and God with every step. Last night I had been so happy. Who was I kidding? Since I'd known Rachel I'd experienced a whole wealth of emotions that I hadn't thought were open to me. I couldn't go back to how things were before, pretending I was content, not when I'd had a taste of the real thing, but I couldn't move forward either, the danger was too great. I couldn't even cry. I felt utterly desolate. _What the hell am I supposed to do?_ The one person whose advice I wanted was the person I was forbidden to talk to. The scary thing was that not even Rachel Berry could make everything alright this time.

I walked towards my car in a stunned daze. If another vehicle had mounted the sidewalk and crushed me in that instant, I believe it would have scarcely registered. I tried to tell myself that this couldn't be happening, that such spectacular lows couldn't follow such an almighty high in such a quick succession. It wasn't right. _Welcome to your shitty life _a voice in my head reminded me. I wanted so badly to be someone else, a girl that things like this didn't happen to, a girl with a shiny outlook and supportive family, but I was stuck being me.

"Fuck you." I snarled as I slipped into the driver's seat.I wanted to scream at the heavens until my voice cracked from the strain, but what good would it do? "Fuck you!" I repeated, slightly louder this time, pounding on the steering wheel with my knuckles. I envisaged my mother as the recipient, her mouth curled up in mock horror. It made me feel slightly better, but it was nowhere near enough. Would anything be sufficient in this situation? I doubted it. I started the ignition with a sigh and drove silently in the direction of the school. _Just another day, you can do this._

I didn't have a class with Rachel for a couple of hours, normally that would be a source of irritation for me, but on that day I was entirely glad. I couldn't face her. If I saw her I would fall into her arms and it would just get harder to disentangle myself. I steered clear of my locker on my way in, just in case she was waiting for me there. Something as simple as avoiding her sent a jolt of pain and loathing through me. _How can I do this? _My phone buzzed repeatedly heralding the start of the school day in usual fashion. I didn't check the messages, knowing that one of the senders would be Rachel, but I couldn't bring myself to turn off my cell phone either. I made a detour, heading towards the nearest bathroom. I could lock myself away until the start of class, if I waited until the late bell then there was no chance of me encountering anyone.

When I got there, the bathroom was full of girls chattering excitedly. They must have been either freshman or sophomores if the way they applied their make-up and pulled their skirts up higher, away from their parents' watchful eyes was any indication. I scowled, I was outnumbered. I wished more than anything that I had just stayed in my car, floored the accelerator and kept going. I glared at them all as I pushed my way to a vacant stall. Their vapid chatter filtered through, only making me angrier. I was jealous of them. They were all friends and a dark-haired girl who clocked me on the way in was telling the others about her date last night. The flippant way she discussed it, taking the privilege that she could date whoever she wanted for granted, hurt me. I wanted to call Rachel, but I knew she would see through my excuses and scour the school searching for me, so I didn't. It sounds stupid but I already missed her. The bell rang and the girls funnelled out, leaving me alone finally.

I had no idea what to do. I was a mess. I tried to calm down, punching or kicking the wall wouldn't accomplish anything except getting me sent to the nurse's office. I didn't want a referral to Miss Pillsbury either, that would be a red flag for my father and I needed him to stay in the dark about this. There was only one way that this was going to end well. I reached inside myself and brought out my default coping mechanism. I shut myself down. _Nothing can hurt you if you don't let yourself feel it. _So instead of screaming or crying, I went to the mirror, fixed my make-up and plastered on a smile. It was the Fabray way and I knew how to easily put on an outward show that would deflect from whatever I felt inside. When I was done, I marched to class as though I didn't have a care in the world. . _Quinn Fabray doesn't feel anything _I told myself, repeating my old mantra. It had gotten me through a lot, maybe it could save me now.

I forced my shoulders back and my head high subconsciously. You see, when you've played make-believe for as long as I have, it becomes second nature; I hadn't lost that just because I had put aside my façade for a few weeks. It was with mild trepidation that I stepped out, but I needn't have been concerned. I found that my mask fit as snugly as ever. That knowledge should have scared me, but right then I found a measure of comfort it in. I had my safety net back and that could only be a good thing because I'd never fallen faster.


	16. Chapter 16

**Sorry that it has been a while. I hope you all had a good Christmas. Here is a belated Christmas present for you all, I think you'll be pleased that it is decidedly fluffier than the last. What can I say; I'm in a happy mood lol. **

**It contains my favourite things, The Unholy Trinity being epic friends and Faberry goodness, so from my POV I couldn't ask for more. I hope you like it too and I'd love to hear your thoughts as ever.**

**Happy New Year Folks! If you want some New Year's Eve Faberry goodness check out my oneshot "Elevators and Assumptions". **

The first lesson of the day that I shared with Rachel was fast approaching and I couldn't handle the idea of seeing her, I knew that she would see straight through me, she always had. I'd never been able to deny her anything, including the truth, and once she'd got it out of me there was no hiding. If she knew, that meant it was real and I had to face it. I wasn't ready to do what needed to be done. Looking my father in the eye and saying those dreaded words wouldn't just change everything, it would destroy it. My position may have been precarious but I wasn't prepared to cut all ties yet, I was only 17 years old and for all my parents' faults I still needed their shelter. The security of knowing I had a home to go back to each night and food in my belly. I had heard the horror stories and I didn't want to be another statistic. So I clutched at the only other available option, avoidance.

I raced through the hall and instead of heading for class I rushed to the safe haven of the disused janitor's closet. Kids went there to make out but mercifully, as I predicted, at that time of day it was unoccupied. I took out my phone and ignored the urgent blinking messages, refusing to acknowledge the mounting number of missed calls. I fired out a quick message, no more than **SOS JC **and waited. Santana came moments later, Brittany at her heels. She didn't bother to be discrete or whisper conspiratorially into the dark as I would have done, simply charged in and hunkered down beside me awaiting instruction. One look at my face and they knew it was bad, Britt even offered me a quick hug. "Can we get out of here for a while?" I muttered softly. Santana stared at me and I knew exactly what she was trying to tell me, my life would be hell if I got caught. I'd thought of little else while I was waiting for her to show up and I decided that it was worth the risk. _My life already sucks. _ With a little nod of her head she took my hand and led me out.

Under different circumstances it would have been exciting. As she started her car I thought of the way that Brittany had been unsuccessfully trying to get us girls to take a spontaneous road trip all year. This was far from ideal, but my companions smiled at me and turned the stereo up loud, sharing my thought. I was relieved to be heading away from Lima of course, it was what I had asked for, a respite dutifully provided by my loyal best friends but my heart ached as I imagined Rachel's mournful face as she settled in next to my empty chair. My fingers brushed over my phone keypad writing variants of a message that I knew I wouldn't send. I felt like I was deserting her, and I was, if only for a few hours. She deserved to know what was going on. "I'm the worst girlfriend in the world." I wasn't sure that my voice even carried over the pounding bass, but Brittany leaned over to me from the backseat.

"No you aren't. You are one of the most loving people I know; your heart is even bigger than Lord Tubbington's and I bet you give amazing lady kisses."

Santana smiled warmly and I knew that if I hadn't stolen the front seat, unwittingly putting distance between them, she would have kissed the blonde. "B's right. Don't put yourself down; you've had a lot of shit to deal with."I grinned, using my cheesiest smile. We quickly changed the subject, I didn't want this to turn into a pity party or an afterschool special and they knew it. This was my escape. Just for the afternoon I was going to pretend that I was the normal carefree teen that I longed to be.

So that is what we did. We drove for miles and miles, covering endless stretches of road, just chatting and singing along badly to Santana's CD collection. The sunlight streamed through the open top of the cherry red convertible illuminating our faces, as I watched my friends it struck me how young we all were. I sometimes forgot. _I wish we didn't have to grow up so fast. _ A light breeze ruffled my hair, sending it fluttering over my cheeks and I smiled sadly, thoughts of a certain brunette never quite banished. I shut my eyes and imagined her fingers stroking my blonde curls, but I tried not to dwell on that idea too long, especially since my fingers itched to dial her number. I dangled my slender hand out of the car window instead drawing harmless shapes in the air.

We stopped to get slushies and I asked Brittany if she wanted to switch places. The two girls had been shooting desperate looks at each other for hours and it seemed wrong of me to sit between them. I stretched out languidly in the backseat, taking the straw between my teeth. I beamed as Santana's hand rested comfortably on the other's thigh. I held in a sigh not wanting to ruin their moment. I was so happy for them but I couldn't help but envy the ease of their relationship. "How did you do it?" I asked finally. The car was idling quietly as we sipped from the large cups and I couldn't take it anymore.

"Do what Q?" They asked with their voices in unison. They gazed at each other, stifling a laugh as they linked pinkies.

"Come out to your parents?" I enquired solemnly, the rapidly melting purple goo in my cup no longer holding any appeal for me.

"I just told my parents that I love Santana." Brittany stated easily as though it was the most normal thing in the world. It was that simple for her, she just loved, and in spite of my predicament I had to smile at her. We were worlds apart. I wished that I could be more like her and not agonise over everything.

I held my breath for Santana's answer, I knew her parents well, and although not as severe as mine, their views were pretty traditional. "I just told them the truth. I made it plain that I was gay. They took it kind of hard at first, I think my mom was disappointed that I wasn't going to be marrying any nice Latino boy like she'd planned, but once they discovered it was B that I had fallen for, well, how can you not love her? They are rooting for us now."

I turned away as they kissed, my eyes burning. I knew it could never be like that for me. My parents would never be accepting and my mom had proved that. I'd hoped that she would be an ally helping me persuade my father, but that was never going to happen now. I had a choice to make and it was mine alone. I felt like I was on a cliff edge looking down into the abyss. _Was I willing to sacrifice everything for Rachel Berry?_ The decision was obvious, but that didn't make it easy.

"You can stay with me, there's plenty of room." Santana remarked, cutting into my internal angst fest. I was touched. I longed to say yes and never look back, but I had to think of the practicalities. I knew that my dad wouldn't let me go; he'd drag my back kicking and screaming and keep me under lock and key until college. I visualised him bringing in a squad of 'experts' to try and de-gay me and I shuddered knowing that notion wasn't a wild estimation. Unless, I was faced with the alternative in which he disowned me entirely. Either way I had to think about school, paying for college, my future. I had no income of my own.

"Maybe I could get a job to pay for living costs. Are my grades good enough for a full scholarship?" I mumbled, mostly thinking aloud.

"We can work this all out." Santana replied as Brittany affirmed the plan with a vigorous nod. Again I was struck by the consideration that we shouldn't have to be dealing with problems like this, it was all so grown up, another world encroaching too quickly on the tail end of our childhood. Times like this I felt like I was 27 not 17. Nonetheless I allowed myself to imagine that it really could be done, that all hope wasn't lost. It was an amazing feeling. I pictured this bright utopian future within my grasp and I knew that I couldn't let it slip away because of fear. _My mind is made up. No take backs_ I told myself.

"Can you take me back to school?" Santana dutifully did a U-turn, buckling Brittany's seatbelt as we went. We allowed ourselves another happy blast of singing, our spirits lifted by the idea that everything might work out after all. I pushed away the dark painful twisting in my gut, burying my gnawing doubts before they could resurface. _I'm Quinn Fabray and I will not be beaten._

School was nearly over as I raced back inside, I flew through the halls, no longer mindful of being caught. I fought to keep my emotions in check as I slid through the door of the appropriate classroom, my face a mask of mock seriousness. "I have a message that Principal Figgins urgently needs to see Rachel Berry." Remarkably my voice was even and the teacher dismissed Rachel with a wave of her hand, slightly irate but powerless to prevent the disruption.

"What the hell is going on?" Rachel demanded, seeing through my ruse immediately. It didn't help when I dissolved into helpless giggles, giddy with happiness. She stared at me, her face flushed with anger. "Where have you been?"

"I'll explain later." I replied breathlessly, crushing her to me in a forceful, almost bruising kiss. I nipped at her bottom lip playfully and her eyes widened at my boldness. I had always been cautious at school, but I was throwing that to the wind now. I simply didn't care. When we found our way on instinct to my earlier hiding place, a ripple of laughter escaped at the parallel, only to be silenced by Rachel's equally fierce kisses. Her mouth lingered over my earlobe, her teeth brushing gently against the flesh and I moaned loudly. I don't think my level of need had ever been so intense, it blocked out everything, our surroundings, and my worries. I wanted her, nothing else mattered. I could see my desire reflected in the dark pools of her eyes, they were alight with passion. "I love you so much." I breathed before all the air was squashed from my lungs.

"I love you too." Her voice was similarly choked and I knew that soon we would be reaching a point of no return. I didn't want our first time to be in a closet, so I kissed her once more and then began untangling myself. She resisted, placing gentle kisses along my jaw line.

"Rachel, stop." I whispered firmly. She twisted her body towards me, our hips touching. I shivered. "We can't, not here."

"You're right. Not yet." She sighed in agreement never removing her eyes from mine. It was like she awoke from a dream then; she had barely had a chance to catch her breath and her trademark smirk in place once more. It was as though it had never left her face. "So, I've gathered that you missed me, but where were you?"

I didn't really know how to begin broaching the conversation with my mother and the ensuing distance that I sought to put between us. It occurred to me that I had failed dismally at embodying my old ice queen persona. I had lasted merely a few hours out of Rachel's arms. _I'm so whipped. _I opted for a condensed version of the truth. "I went for a drive with Brittany and Santana; I had a lot to think about."

She quirked her eyebrow, using my own trait against me, I grinned. "Oh really, do you care to enlighten me as to why you drove off into the sunset with two hot girls, Quinn Fabray?" I laughed at the way her mind had twisted the events of the afternoon. My earlier sadness seemed a lifetime away.

"You know me; I'm a sucker for a pretty face."


	17. Chapter 17

**This chapter is longer than I expected, I intended it as just fluffy filler, which it still kind of is. I hope you enjoy it. Mr and Mr Berry are such fun to write. I've kind of modelled Leroy on my own dad, he makes a mockery of everything too lol.**

**Everything is Faberry and nothing hurts!**

I eventually told Rachel all about what my mom had said. She knew I was upset and got it out of me. She had a knack for getting me to open up that was kind of unnerving. It went against my natural grain. I was glad she knew though. I needed her support more than ever. The time was coming when I'd have to start applying to colleges and with that came a reality check. I'd had my heart set on Yale for years with my father's blessing. He didn't know that I dreamed of doing theatre studies and music but broaching the subject hadn't seemed so daunting when he was willing to foot the bill. Once I made it there he couldn't stop me from studying whatever I liked, but now the idea of simply getting there seemed like a mammoth task.

After I'd sat Rachel down and filled her in on everything, she didn't say much, which frankly was what I expected. She was much more in control of her emotions than me. I watched her get up, leave the room, come back with a tumbler full of water and drink it down in three gulps. When it was gone she placed the empty glass on her desk. I lay down on her comforter and looked up at the ceiling trying to think I some way that I could make this all alright. I closed my eyes and willed the jumble of my thoughts into some sort of order. I was frustrated; it shouldn't be like this. That was not the way I wanted us to be, I didn't want to be the girlfriend that offloaded all her drama whenever we were together. I sighed, wondering if I had ever not been that girl to Rachel. _How does she put up with me?_

Moments later I heard Rachel's printer start up. I looked over. She still hadn't spoken, but now I knew that it was because she was formulating a plan. I waited, biting my lip anxiously. I prayed it wasn't something like _'how to assassinate your father in 5 easy steps'_ as right then I don't think I could have laughed it off. The brunette finally walked over to me in smug silence and handed me a large sheath pages about financial aid for Yale undergraduates. Triumph was written all over her face. I just grinned manically, not quite believing the ease with which she solved my dilemmas.

Every time I thought I couldn't possibly adore her more, that my heart was full to the brim, gestures like this caused a fresh wave of love for the brunette to wash over me. "Please never stop being you." I whispered as I pulled her onto my lap.

"Cross my heart." She replied, her words half buried into my chest. All the heartache and the joy had been building up to moments like this one. The brunette looked up at me detecting my increase in heart rate. "What's wrong Quinn?" She enquired anxiously.

I reached out my hand to calm her. "Nothing." I took a deep breath and forced myself to voice the question I had been dying to ask all afternoon. I was making myself vulnerable by being the one to say this, but for once I didn't mind. I needed to ask. It was getting late; I didn't have much time on my side. My heart hammered against my ribcage. "Can I stay here tonight?" I stammered.

"Of course, if you don't want to go home I can make up the spare bedroom for you, but what are you going to tell your mom and dad?"

"Forget them, I'll make something up." I muttered dismissively. I didn't care about my parents' right then and I certainly didn't want to think of them with what I had in mind. Rachel looked at me bewildered. I shook my head and stared at her willing the brunette to understand my meaning. I licked my lips. "I don't think that you understand me Rach, I mean can I stay here all night, in your room, alone, with you." Realisation hit her and caused a faint blush. I grinned as I watched her lip twitch, the ghost of a smile. "Can I take that as a yes?" She nodded. I gently eased away from her making a move to lock the door. She watched me as I trekked the entire length of the room, smirking as I nudged the lock in place with a firm click.

"All set." The seductive tone of her voice made me gasp and I raced back to the bed, nearly overshooting my landing in my haste to be next to her. She laughed and I pretended to pout for a nano-second before my hormones took over. I reached out and placed a lingering kiss on her collarbone, our eyes fixed on each other, smouldering. She climbed on top of me, her petite frame surprisingly strong and forceful; I was more than happy to let her take the lead, aware that I was a novice. The kiss was building in intensity and I was content to just switch off my brain for once and let my body take over. I had never felt anything like this before and I wanted to savour every second.

"Quinn, maybe we shouldn't-" I didn't want to hear whatever came next because I had a horrible feeling that it was going to bring this all to an end and that was the last thing I wanted. I kissed her again eager to stop the words. "Quinn, I-"

Again I didn't let her finish. "If you are worried about your dads', I can be quiet." Her eyes widened as she wrestled with that mental image. _Oh my god, did I say that out loud?_ She took a deep breath and licked her lips whilstI blushed furiously. Evidently I had forgotten to switch my brain back on again before speaking and as a result that infuriating smirk had plastered itself back onto her face.

"It's not just about my dads', although that is part of it, I guess. I just think that maybe now isn't the right time. Sex is a big deal to you Quinn, and I don't want you to rush into this, that's all. Your first time should be special."

I smiled. It meant a lot to me that she understood and she was supportive about the decisions I had made regarding my virginity. I didn't want to wait anymore. "It will be special if it's with you."

"I know, it's just that I wouldn't want you to regret anything, I know what it's like when you get caught up in the moment and do something that you aren't ready for, remember? I don't want that for you."

"I'm a big girl Rachel, I didn't make this decision lightly, and I've been thinking about it a lot actually. I waited because I wanted to be in love and I am. Just let me show you how much I want this…" I caressed her thigh, trailing my hand up higher, pressing against the soft flesh with my fingertips. The brunette moaned, squeezing her eyes shut and I grinned. I may be less experienced than the girl in front of me but I was far from clueless. "You made me feel more excited in the two minutes I spoke to you in that hallway than Finn did for 2 years, if that doesn't prove to you how deep I'm in this then-" It was her turn to interrupt me suddenly, tugging at my T-shirt. I groaned. Her mouth was all over my chest. _This is really happening. _It felt so good I couldn't believe that it had taken us this long. _Why the fuck didn't I jump her that first day? What was I waiting for? _I knew that I wouldn't or couldn't have done that but Rachel was saying my name, over and over and it was literally the greatest sound in the world. I was losing control.

"We have all night Quinn, slow down, it's okay." Rachel was saying. I heard the words but I couldn't string them together, nothing made sense, I was drifting, they seemed so far away. I realised I was clutching at the button on her jeans as though my life depended on it so I took a steadying breath.

"Sorry, I just can't help it, you're so…" I didn't get a chance to finish my sentence.

"Rachel, honey, are you home?" Leroy's voice boomed through the door and suddenly he was knocking. "Why is this door locked? You know we have an open door policy." Rachel jumped up as though she had been electrocuted. I stared at her, a deer in the headlights, frantically searching for my top. I threw it on hurriedly, my only hope being that it wasn't on backwards.

"Just a second dad." Rachel replied and I marvelled at her level of control. She sounded composed. _God, I hope she never has cause to lie to me. _When we couldn't stall any longer, Rachel opened the door and I sat there on the bed convinced that the man could read what he had just stumbled into on every inch of my face. As it turns out, he could. He glanced at Rachel in a way that said a thousand things and I knew that the brunette would be subjected to a talk as soon as I was gone.

"Hello Quinn, I didn't realise you were here." He remarked. I couldn't read his expression or tone. _Please don't be finding this amusing. _I hoped I had imagined the quirk of a smile as he surveyed my stricken features. I squirmed, wishing that a black hole would swallow me up. The embarrassment had surpassed any level that I had previously experienced, eclipsing all my most painful memories to date.

"Good evening Mr Berry." I managed. My voice sounded strangled. I looked down, my toes becoming incredibly engrossing as I sought to avoid his face.

"Are you staying for dinner?" I nearly lost it then, because there was no doubt now that he was enjoying this, the gently mocking tone all too familiar.

"Actually dad, Quinn was thinking of staying the night." I glared at Rachel.

"So I see. Dinner will be ready in 10."

If I thought that exchange was uncomfortable, dinner was a whole other story. I just couldn't get used to the Berry family dynamic no matter how much I was exposed to it. Every thinly veiled double entendre made me almost choke. Rachel meanwhile seemed almost unperturbed at our near miss. Other than the occasional blush or dig in the ribs she gave no indication that she was uneasy. I tried not to wonder if such things had happened before. Her only comment to me about the situation was directly afterwards when she said "I'm so glad you locked the door" as we stumbled downstairs.I kept my head down and just tried to get through it; the more uncomfortable I seemed the more Leroy tried to goad me. I shrugged. Hiram alone seemed oblivious to the comments flying across the table.

"I think a sleepover is a wonderful idea." He gushed after Leroy mentioned I was thinking of staying the night. "I'll make up the spare bedroom." I tried to make my excuses but he wasn't taking no for an answer. So, I found myself in the middle of an impromptu Berry Family movie night. I fully expected Rachel's dad to pull out some Teen Sex comedy like _Superbad_ but luckily Rachel swooped in and chose some new indie flick, thus saving me some humiliation at least.

"Don't sulk, my dad doesn't mean anything by it. He just makes jokes, that's how he deals with things you know, it's nothing personal. He likes you." She whispered to me as the opening credits began. I nodded, because she wasn't telling me anything I didn't already know or expect, it was just that this wasn't how I had thought the night would go. I decided not to worry; it could have been a lot worse. I was snuggled up against her on the couch and I felt a little better about the whole thing and the world in general with Rachel at my side.

"Sorry, you're stuck in here." She commiserated later as we finally retreated to bed.

"Can't I sleep with you? I promise I'll behave." She toyed with the idea of throwing a pillow at me before deciding against the full-scale war that would ensue. She knew I wouldn't let it go until I won and it was getting late. Instead she took my hand and led me out of the room, guiding me over the tell-tale squeaky floorboard so that we wouldn't get found out again.

"Okay, but the first sign of any funny business and you are straight back here. I gave my word to my dad."

I hugged her, scooting up onto her bed happily. "You were in the kitchen for a while, how did the talk go? He's not going to like stop me from seeing you is he, because I already have one ban in place, two would be rather ridiculous."

"No, nothing like that, everything is cool, no need to worry." She kissed me gently on the forehead and turned out the light. "I've been thinking that perhaps it was a good thing. Now I can make sure that our first time together is really special." She wrapped her arms around my waist and I smiled into the darkness.


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey guys, sorry for the delay. I had trouble with this chapter. I knew exactly what I wanted to happen but I couldn't write it well. After a quick re-write, here we are. The main purpose of this chapter was to set Quinn up with an empty house. However, I couldn't resist a showdown with Mama Fabray. I figured it was about time for Quinn to use her newfound Lady Balls and fight back. **

**I know it was kind of evil, but I'm strangely proud of Quinn regardless. It seemed only right that payback came from playing her mom at her own game. She's fiercely protective of her life and Rachel and she wants to do this on her own terms, so she did what she had to. **

**Let me know what you think, I'd love to get over 100 reviews before this story ends.**

I woke up to discover that I had 23 missed calls and 6 voicemail messages. The worst part was the dawning realisation that they were all from my mother. I groaned as I agonised over whether or not to return any of her calls. I had been gone all night and she wasn't totally clueless. I was rumbled, yet again. With a heavy heart I began to listen to the first voicemail. I hung up a few seconds into the message; it was too early to have to deal with the dizzying mix of her piercing tones and false concern. In the space of those scant moments I had pictured a million different scenarios for my homecoming and they all ended in me being horrifically outted to my father. Whilst I'll admit that I had taken the tentative steps required in order to come to terms with the idea of getting out of the closet, I knew that I'd rather not be forced out any time, but especially now when that push was likely to cause me to fall hard on my face. I had things that I needed to do first, preferably getting through the last months of High School at the very least.

Rachel started to stir next to me, I glanced at her alarm clock and I knew that I couldn't stall much longer._ Time to wake up. _So, as great as the temptation was to pull the blankets back over my head and snuggle closer to the warmth of the brunette, I got up and began dressing. Her normally immaculate room looked like a bomb had exploded all over it and that was my fault. My stuff was strewn all over the place, forgotten in the excitement of yesterday. I hadn't even attempted to re-locate any of it to the spare room. _I hope Leroy doesn't poke his head in for an early morning wake up call. _That was the last thing I needed as I thought as I hunted for my sneakers. I already had one angry parent on my back.

"You're going? But, it's so early." Rachel mumbled sleepily as I placed a gentle kiss of the bridge of her nose.

"I know, I'm sorry." I waved my phone in her general direction to clarify. "It's my mom, she desperately wants me home, I guess." I tried not to sound as nervous as I felt but Rachel picked up on it and promptly sat bolt upright in bed. It amazed me that the insightful brown eyes studying me had been drowsy only moments before. _Rachel Berry is either really concerned for me or a fantastic morning person. _I settled for both.

"Is everything okay?" That blanket statement covered a multitude of things. I knew exactly what she meant though and smiled, in what I hoped to be, a reassuring manner.

"Don't worry, everything will be fine." I was determined that this would prove to be the case. I would make everything alright somehow, I had no idea what I was going to do, but I was ready to make a leap of faith. I hadn't forgotten Santana's offer and I was going to apply for financial aid, so even if everything went to hell back home, I had some kind of back-up plan. Things would work out; they would be okay because they simply had to be. _Maybe not okay for my parents, but okay for me and definitely better than okay for Rachel_.

"I love you." I called as I slipped out of the door. I threw all my stuff in the back of the car haphazardly and set my phone to hands free in case my mother decided to choose that moment to reach out again. The last thing I needed was to get pulled over. I was about to drive away when I noticed movement at Rachel's bedroom window. I should have seen it coming, Rachel was never one to let me slip quietly away, and especially not if I was leaving to face the firing squad. She cared too much. I gazed up. She was leaning out in all her morning glory, completely at ease with revealing her unbrushed hair and crumpled PJs to whoever might be passing. I grinned. _She only sees me._

"Call me!" She yelled loudly. I stepped out of my car and got a closer look at her precarious position. She really was unlike anybody else I had ever met and I still had to pinch myself whenever I looked at her. _This is my girlfriend. How did I get so lucky?_

I finally spoke up, feeling it necessary to be the voice of reason. "You're crazy. Be careful." I tried to be stern but it was impossible to suppress my laughter and my warning was lost.

"You wouldn't change me." I laughed harder, powerless to argue. She was right, she was always right.

Knowing that I'd be uncomfortable with a public declaration of love in her driveway, no matter how slight the chance of being observed, Rachel opted to blow me a kiss. I caught it with one hand and clenched my fist as though it might escape. I was touched and my voice cracked a little when I spoke again. "I promise I'll call you, now get back inside before you fall." I stood out there until I was satisfied that the window was 100% closed. Then after one final wave, I turned back to my waiting car and I drove away.

My mother phoned again as I was yards from the house. "QUINNIE! I've been calling and calling! I need you home this instant-" The sound was like a drill burrowing into my skull. My restfulness from the good night's sleep immediately started to evaporate. I gritted my teeth.

"I'm literally less than 2 minutes away mom; I'll see you in a few." I explained exasperatedly before hanging up. I seemed to be getting into that habit. _Oh well. _I didn't care that I had cut her off mid rant, she would have my attention soon enough.

I stepped into the house with a mounting feeling of dread. My mother was waiting for me by the door; she took one look at me and led me into my father's den. The walk down the hallway felt like being sent to the gallows, I gulped and pictured the walk to the hangman's noose. Melodramatic comparison you may think, but I'm just trying to be honest, set the scene for you about how big a deal this potentially was for me. I hope you understand. I tried to remain calm but it felt like I was trying to swallow broken glass. My heart beat loudly in my chest. My mom didn't say a word and neither did I. My head was bowed and I counted my steps. _One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six._

The countdown continued and the door of the study beckoned. It was ajar, that was virtually unheard of on the occasions that my father was in there at the same time as we, me and my mother, were also in the house. I tensed as I approached. I'd never felt welcome amongst the oak panelling and overstuffed leather armchairs. The atmosphere was almost oppressively male and I could calculate the number of times I had been invited in one hand. My father was standing by the window. My mother and I lined up next to him. I presented myself before him and had to curb the impulse to either salute or courtesy. I had only just come into the room and I already wanted to leave. It was airless and I felt stifled. Trapped like a butterfly under glass. That's how I always felt during prolonged periods in my father's presence, but that day it was instantaneous. I braced myself, but his reception of me was the total opposite of what I expected, he clasped my hand and I almost jumped out of my skin.

"Dad…?" My confusion was plain; whatever was occurring here had nothing to do with my relationship with Rachel, it couldn't have based on that reaction. I wasn't sure whether or not to feel relieved. It didn't mean I was safe; it just strung out the inevitable. It felt like torture. My dad looked upset. Something big had clearly taken place in my absence, so if not my secret, then what? _What's happening? Why had my mom been so keen to get a hold of me, if not to rat me out?_ I cleared my throat awkwardly. "What's wrong?" I had premonitions of everything from my dad revealing he was bankrupt to telling me that he had been diagnosed with some rare illness and was at death's door. I bit my lip and waited for the news.

"Quinnie, your uncle is in the hospital. I don't want to alarm you but he has been visited by a priest several times, so obviously his prognosis doesn't look good. Your mother and I have to go out to Virginia tomorrow and we don't know how long we'll have to stay."

I was already doing the calculations in my head; Virginia was roughly 6 hours away, too far to keep driving back and forth. Although I was worried for my uncle, my immediate and pressing concern was that I was going to be dragged all that way for some indeterminate amount of time. That was the last thing I wanted right now. The idea of the car ride itself, trapped in a metal box for hours on end with only my parents for company was enough to make me want to tear out my hair. _What if we were there for weeks? _I couldn't bring myself to consider not seeing Rachel for that long. "What about me, am I going too?" I made sure my voice gave anyway no hint of how I was reacting to this bombshell.

If I seemed too eager to be alone then my dad would become suspicious and force me to tag along, so I had to be careful, especially because my mom wasn't exactly being subtle about her displeasure regarding the arrangement. "Your mother had reservations about leaving you here alone but we don't want to disrupt your schooling at such a crucial time, so we discussed it and decided that ultimately the best thing would be for you to stay here, provided we can trust you to remain in the house unsupervised. You know that I won't stand for being made a fool of, so it comes down to this, can we trust you, Quinn?"

I looked over at my mother's scowling face and then back to my father. "Of course daddy, I won't let you down, I promise." I was already lost in the daydream of having the house to myself. I wouldn't have to hide away in my room or keep my head down at meal-times. It was freedom, pure and simple and I intended to enjoy it for as long as it lasted.

I barely paid attention to the length list of ground rules. I knew them off by heart already. I mentally checked them off one by one trying not to smirk. I planned to pretty much disregard every one. So much so that I might as well have had my fingers crossed behind my back. It wasn't that I actively enjoyed disobeying my parents, it was that the behavioural contract they had thought up was borderline archaic. Some of them I could understand, but others were pedantic. For example: 'No friends to stay over or staying out past 10.30 on a school night. At the weekends, no more than 3 friends allowed over at one time and lights out by 11, no exceptions.' _Did my parents honestly expect me to comply with that?_ I barely stuck to those aforementioned rules when my parents were around. Whereas, 'No boys allowed' I could see the sense in that and I certainly wouldn't be inviting boys over in the way that my father feared.

'No parties and/or loud music.'I was hoping that this rule would be the first one broken, there hadn't been a proper party since the start of the year and I knew everybody would be chomping at the bit to have some fun. I figured that it would be enough that I only going to disregard the first part of the promise 'No drinking/smoking or drugs.' There were plenty more like that. I eventually tuned out, until I heard the final rule. 'Go to church every Sunday morning without fail.' Again, that was clearly a ridiculous statement; the only time I did that anyway was when my parents took me. _Who were they kidding? _Nevertheless, I nodded in all the right places and looked thoughtful and submissive during any breaks in the lecture. It was enough to convince my father and he nodded once. It signified approval, but more of his decision than me. I watched he leave, presumably to pack and waited for my mother's inevitable onslaught. She barely held her tongue until he was out of earshot.

"Just so you know, your father and I are far from united on this. If I hear one whisper that you have even thought about doing something you shouldn't, I'll drive back to Lima and take charge of you myself. That is a promise, don't test me, Quinn." I'd never really seen her lose her cool so rapidly before. It was unnerving, but all the same it was strangely comforting, it humanised her. Judy Fabray wasn't a robot after all. Nevertheless, I could only take so much of her wrath. She was hissing into my ear and I stepped back. I needed some distance so that I wouldn't throttle her. "I'm serious Quinn, if you bring that Berry girl here, if she even sets foot on the doorstep, I'll make sure that your father knows exactly what kind of company his daughter prefers."

"Her name is Rachel." I retorted wearily even though I knew I was wasting my breath. I promptly decided to change tact, get through to her in the way that would grant me most success. As a gamble it could either blow up in my face or pay off hugely and I was praying for the latter. "By the way, you can save your threats mother. I'm tired of it, I learnt blackmail from the best, remember? I'm going to enjoy my little vacation and you aren't going to do a thing about it. I plan to invite over whoever I chose, and regardless of my guest list, you won't breathe a word." She glared at me unconvinced, but I wasn't finished yet. My lips twisted into a cold, cruel smile. This stand-off was far from over but I hoped that when I was done, it would be our last. "You are going to let me tell daddy in my own way, you see, it's for your own good actually if you do. We've both got things to lose here, don't forget. I doubt that daddy would take kindly to you having known about my secret all this time. How do you think he'll react to the news that you kept it quiet?" I let the question hang there.

Her eyes widened as the implications of my words sank in. I leant back against the armrest with my arms folded. I didn't expect a rebuke but I wanted to be prepared if one came. My mother kept her jaw locked tight. I'll admit that gave me a perverse thrill to see my mother's exterior ruffled, and if that makes me a bad person, then so be it. _The ball is in your court._ The thing about the Fabray's is that we carefully pick our battles and therefore we know when we are outmatched. I watched her slink away and can only imagine the look of sheer triumph that graced my features as I gloated. I almost wished that I had a mirror, so that I could capture it in my mind's eye and store it up for later use. _1-0_ I thought with a smile, I'd never really beaten her at her own game before and I felt lightheaded. It was like a happy delirium. The next thing I did was run upstairs, practically skipping in my haste to call Rachel and share with her good news.


	19. Chapter 19

**I had writers block for this chapter, until last night when I heard this song. Then this just poured out of me. I really hope you like it. Happy Faberry fluff was what I was in the mood for…**

**The song in question, that I've based Quinn's tattoo on, is **_**"Existentialism on Prom Night"**_** by **_**Straylight Run**_**. I urge you to listen to it; I've played it about a million times since. I know that Quinn is more of a punk fan in this story, but I figure it's not too much of a leap that she could like indie rock too. I'd already decided that Rachel be a tattoo fan, it fits into my mental picture of her during this story. I'm channeling Lea and her rock chick vibes I guess lol.**

I had a suspicion that my parents would call to check up on me before their car even fully cleared the driveway. That would be my mother's doing, baiting my father as always. There wasn't much I could do to prevent it except try not to sneer when they did eventually phone. However, it was getting increasingly difficult to play the compliant, doting daughter when I couldn't stand either of them. _Maybe I'll make a good actress after all. _ To my mother's credit, she waited an hour before calling; I could tell it killed her as she fumbled for a suitable excuse. In the end she settled for telling me not to use the dishwasher because it wasn't working. I assured her sweetly that I wouldn't as I stared, my eyes locked on the offending appliance. It was happily humming away and I wondered if she could hear it in the background disproving her lie.

"Okay, mom, whatever you say." I ignored her thinly veiled warnings wrapped in false sweetness as she reminded me again about the house rules. It was for appearances, we both knew how this was going to play out.

Rachel came over the moment I was sure the coast was clear, which was pretty much straight after I hung up the phone. Although it hadn't been that long since I'd seen her, hours really, it felt like days. I sometimes worried that my feelings were too intense. It scared me that I couldn't seem to be away from her, _was that normal?_ My consolation was that the other girl felt the same, so if I was in this too deep, so was she. We'd gone off the deep end, up to our necks, but I didn't mind one bit. I pulled her into me, the faded T-shirt she was wearing bunching beneath my fingertips as I held her tightly.

"I can't breathe, Quinn." She mumbled.

I jumped back. "Sorry." I ran my fingers over her exposed skin, lingering before I moved to smooth out the fabric of her T-shirt. I traced the parts of her hip tattoo that were visible, the partial image peeking out through her low slung black denim shorts. She squirmed under my teasing. It reminded me how little of her body I'd actually seen and I exhaled loudly, licking my lips. "I still can't believe you have 6 of these already, your fake ID must be flawless."

"Jealous?" She breathed her breath hitching as I continued to caress her. I nodded.

"Yes actually." Her tattoos were one of the first things that I was eager to know about from the day I clocked one while we were studying in the library. Her designated uniform did little to mask the vivid illustration on her collarbone, and my gaze had been drawn to the bright colours. She had shown me right there and then and explained the story behind the hummingbird. The symbolism seemed so apt for her, and as she explained her choices, I felt that I had somehow gotten to know Rachel Berry on a deeper level.

"As nice as this is, we should probably move inside, I wouldn't put it past your mother to have recruited the neighbours as her own army of spies." The words broke the spell of my thoughts, bringing me back to the present. Reluctantly I released her.

I appraised her more fully as she walked in. "Excellent taste." I smirked, inclining my head towards the living room speakers and back to the design on her t-shirt. "Snap."

"It was a present from my girlfriend actually, you'd like her, and she does indeed have impeccable taste, particularly in music." I grinned, kissing her. We lounged on the couch for a while, wrapped up in each other as the playlist flowed over us.

"So, what shall we do today, before the party I mean?" Rachel asked finally. She knew that I wanted to make the most out of my liberty and we couldn't really stay here any longer. My lips already felt bruised. I shrugged, for the moment I was content curled against her, or so I thought, until my stomach rumbled loudly in protest. "That's settled then, let's go eat." We ate a leisurely meal at Breadstix, talking all the while. I had a surplus of energy; I couldn't stop fidgeting in the booth. It felt like the air was thick with potential. It was like I could do anything and I wanted to capitalise on that feeling. Total freedom wasn't something I experienced often.

"You have your fake ID right?" The mischievous gleam in my eye didn't go unnoticed, and Rachel raised her left eyebrow as she tried to work out what I was planning.

"Sure, I was going to get some drinks for the party after this."

"Hold that thought, I have an idea." Unsurprisingly, when I told her, Rachel was supportive of my plan. We finished up our food first. I had no desire to eat anymore but my girlfriend insisted I clear my plate before we could leave. I was so excited that she had agreed to drive me there straight away that I agreed. I wasn't nervous, it felt right. I knew exactly what I wanted. The more I thought about it, the more convinced I became.

The tattoo studio was a stereotypical kind of place, exactly as I visualised it, located a few towns over. If Rachel trusted it then I wasn't worried. Our hands linked, I went inside. _I can't believe I'm doing this. _Rachel rushed and embraced the owner. He was skinny guy with long black hair and multiple facial piercings. It was clear that his skin was his canvas and I stared at him in awe. The designs were beautiful. He seemed happy to see Rachel and they chatted happily while I loitered in the background. It made sense, she had told me that she'd had a consultation at the studio, for a possible new tattoo, and although that hadn't happened yet, he liked her ideas so much that he'd gotten her to bring her sketch pad over to show him. Rachel revealed that he had even paid her for some of the designs.

"This must be Quinn, I've heard great things." He approached me and stuck out his hand. I smiled, feeling at ease around him immediately. "A virgin I take it? I love a clean slate; there is something so satisfying about leaving your mark on a newbie's unblemished skin." My smile widened in the face of his enthusiasm. "So, Rachel here tells me that you've got the design all picked out, is that right?" I nodded and handed him the piece of paper from my wallet. I was happy I had kept it there.

When Rachel had passed the note in class, I expected a joke or some sarcastic comment. I unfolded the sheet and there, in her unmistakable handwriting were two simple sentences._**Sing me something soft, sad and delicate, or loud and out of key. Sing me anything...**_ They were the lyrics from one of my favorite songs and on the back, she had added in smaller letters, using pink ink _**Choir room 3pm? Pretty please xx R xx**_

She had been trying to get me to sing to her since my apology song to Santana. She didn't understand my unwillingness or grasp the fact that the choir room was off limits. It was the domain of the Glee Club kids and theatre geeks. Unless you wanted to be a part of Show Choir, which I didn't, you stayed away. They were a separate entity to the rest of the school, the untouchables. I didn't stop Rachel from joining if she wanted, but I refused to the end, she auditioned but chose not to join. She said that the club would stifle her, their routines were too rigid and their set lists too full of eighties power ballads.

I got the impression that she had butted heads with the director Mr Schuester, because after her try-out, rumours were flying that she had stormed out and that things had gotten pretty volatile. Rachel herself had refused to confirm or deny this, but given her stunted answers when I asked about it, and the way the Glee kids eyed her in the halls, enlightened me that it was mostly true. Regardless, she still loved to sing and didn't see why she shouldn't be allowed to use the choir room if she wanted, providing that it was empty. The note caused me to relent and that was one of the first of many times that we sang together. Sometimes we could go weeks without performing a duet or singing to each other, other days we might do a string of songs. There was no rhyme of reason to it and that seemed to make Rachel happy. She liked when I was spontaneous or unpredictable. _So do I._

When she saw what the tattooist was holding, she squealed. I had remained tight-lipped during the drive about what design I wanted, telling her only that the writing would go across my rib cage and that she would be pleased by what I'd chosen.

"Quinn, I can't believe you kept that."

"Of course I did, it meant a lot to me Rach."

"You mean a lot to me." Out of the corner of my eye I saw the guy rolling her eyes and pretending to gag. I just grinned, nothing could burst my bubble.

"Are you going to get one too?" I knew that she'd been thinking about a 7th since she came to Ohio and saving up some money.

"Not this time. I'm just going to stay and hold your hand."

I was glad she did. The vibrations against my ribs as the needles got to work made me breathless and nauseous. It was intense, and Rachel could see that I was struggling at some points, so she distracted me by singing softly. I was amazed once again that I had managed to keep hold of such a miraculous girl. I focused on her voice and let it carry me away. I knew I would have to go back again for another session, but all of that ceased to matter as I admired the artistry taking shape in the mirror. He had copied Rachel's handwriting exactly, even down to the 3 tiny stars that she had used in place of the ellipsis. I couldn't be happier.

"Now for phase two of your stereotypical underage girl home alone rebellion, let's party!" Rachel laughed, and my pouting only seemed to make her worse. We had to stay in the lot for an extra 5 minutes as she fought to keep her hysterics under control enough to drive.

"I'm not a fucking cliché." I muttered, which set her off again.

"Lighten up babe, you're an adorable cliché and better yet you make one hell of a sexy rebel." She placed a kiss on my cheek and started the car. "I'm sorry, don't pout please, you're Quinn Fabray, it doesn't suit you."

I plastered an exaggerated smirk on my face. "You're right. I embrace the unoriginal poser that I've become, happy now? Let's go or else the guests will be partying without us, and I don't like the idea of Puck being in my house unsupervised."


	20. Chapter 20

**This update is mainly filler comprised of Quinn musings and Faberry happiness so I hope that is okay with you all. It just happened and I wasn't going to complain after my recent spate of writer's block.**

**With regard to the events revealed in this chapter, I hope my sudden mention of secret Quick friendship doesn't jar with anyone. It's kind of a bolt out of the blue, but I suddenly had the idea that if Quinn needed an escape from the rigidity of her "Queen Bee" persona, he would be the perfect ally to encourage the real Q. **

**I haven't mentioned him much before so in theory nothing in previous chapters is contradictory and it seems feasible to me that they would run into each other, because in my head, the character I have created for Quinn has a lot of shared tastes with Puck. I consider him to be a good potential collaborator for both girls. I trust you will indulge me.**

Getting the house ready for the party didn't take long at all as I had known it wouldn't, but since I was unable to shower I volunteered to hide the breakables and otherwise set everything up. Rachel wanted to lend a hand but I assured her that this wasn't my first rodeo; I hadn't got to be Queen Bee without knowing how to easily placate the masses. Plenty of liquor, loud music and empty shadowy spaces were pretty much all it took and I had those things in abundance. It was mind-numbingly simple in fact so I quickly got bored. Before I could get distracted by my waning attention span, I dusted myself off and admired my handiwork, snatching up one of my father's silver cigar cases that I had previously overlooked.

I moved over to the sound system for my final task, the one I had been avoiding with good reason. The touch of a button sent a drearily predictable male vocal harmony vibrating through the powerful speakers and I grimaced. I fucking hate boy bands. _It's my party and I can rock out if I want to_, I thought, squirming as I loaded up my pre-approved party playlist, wistful for the well-loved tunes that had filled the house earlier when it was just me and Rachel, but there was nothing I could do. I'd learnt not to argue with Santana about what constituted appropriate drinking soundtracks and I'd mainly arranged this party for her to blow off steam anyway, her dad had been giving her grief and if there was one thing I could always relate to it was parental strife. So that was that, and I was looking forward to the revelry in any case, just not the musical selection. It may have been my house, but the mob mentality ruled so if they wanted rap by numbers or unoriginal R n B for vanilla rich kids, then that is what I would provide or else my iPod would be cast aside carelessly in favour of another. Once, at a past event, I had dared to click shuffle and narrowly avoided my iPod landing in a discarded red cup filled with foamy beer.

It irked me even now. I understood that people wanted to dance, however what I forever failed to comprehend was why they felt the need to grind all over each other to such repetitive beats and infantile lyrics. For all my years amongst the in-crowd I was no closer to comprehending how they could bear to exist like that. _Why didn't the popular kids possess good taste, they had everything going for them and they had the power to blaze a trail, so why play it so safe?_ I had no idea. Day after day, they continued to copy what the MTV culture deemed acceptable, letting others dictate how to dress or speak or what music they should download. It was pathetic really, all these other kids looked up to them, and yet they were as much blind followers as anybody else. I had tried to rebel in the beginning, but it was going against a well established tide and I had soon learnt not to struggle. In those days I had wanted nothing more than to belong, whatever the cost.

I suppose that is when I crafted my two distinct personas, the Quinn Fabray at school, who played by the rules and the real me, the other that few people glimpsed. That girl stood outside the confines of those walls and impatiently dyed her hair rainbow hues and yelled back angry lyrics, most of which belonged to songs that her friends had never heard, against the darkened walls of dingy clubs that she had snuck into via less than honest means. I was that person all the time now, thanks to Rachel giving me the strength to break out of my enforced patterns and be who I wanted. My parents were the final stumbling block but they were temporarily gone and I was discovering how to overcome them too, I had already stood up to my mother and such a deed would have been unheard of months ago. I finally recognised the face in the mirror and I'd never felt happier.

My phone beeped, drawing me out of my contemplations. I was pleased; it reminded me that while I had put the past away, the present was advancing upon me. The clock was ticking and I needed to get ready for the party. I smiled as I read the message from Puck. Everybody always thought that I'd just tolerated him as Finn's friend whilst we dated and I did nothing to especially dissuade them from believing that. My grin widened as I typed a response. His cheeky banter reminded me of a million secret nights that I had never revealed to anyone; even Rachel was unaware of the majority of what we'd done. You see, the boy was my only ally during the period of forbidden anti-Quinn pursuits. The explanation was innocent enough, it was no great conspiracy. I had run into him randomly one summer night at a gig, he was dancing manically complete with a drunken girl on his arm and I'd crowd surfed directly over him so there was no conceivable way to hide. Once he knew, I collided with him everywhere and I think he looked for me on purpose. There was always that same twinkle in his eye whenever we crossed paths. I expected him to tell Finn and Santana, but he never did, I think he liked the idea of having a kindred spirit to hang out with finally. I admit that I did too, my secret life sometimes felt lonely and he always added an extra layer of fun to proceedings.

I'd long ago noticed that he was different, striding through the halls with a proud Mohawk and lopsided grin but had always chosen not to dwell on it. Unlike me, probably because he was a guy he could get away with flouting the rules and rigid social order of Mckinley. Boys, especially if they were popular were expected to rebel whilst girls conformed. It was a frustrating double standard, but that was just the way things worked, for example, it showed strength not weakness on his part to stand out and girls loved that he was somewhat of a misfit. I was wary of him because I recognised elements of myself in his character that I was trying to curb so therefore until recently I avoided him at school, more than ever after we'd begun to embark on our rendezvous. On the occasions we were thrown together, I acted antagonistic to him unless we were entirely alone and nobody saw through it or queried it. I could tell that sometimes the boy himself was wholly convinced that I actually hated him and I felt bad that he was subjected to my Jekylland Hyde lifestyle.

Then Rachel came along and the dynamic changed. They openly became friends and at first I was jealous, not only because I assumed correctly that he was attempting to make a move, but even after I warned him off, I was also upset because neither of them cared what anyone thought and such worries used to consume me. I can say with the sum of my being that I don't miss the old gilded cage of my previous status, not now or then, not ever. I decided that now that I was free, I would finally be myself without restraint. My hidden bromance with Puck was thus allowed to flourish and I fully intended to make the most of his unique talents for troublemaking and pranks whilst my parents were away.

I grabbed a couple of the chilled bottles, feeling more excited for the night ahead and rushed upstairs to check on Rachel's progress and get dressed myself. "How are you doing in here, babe?" I asked, craning my head around my partially closed bedroom door.

The brunette spun around and took a beverage from me. I meanwhile stood transfixed. Her long hair was drying in loose curls at her shoulders that begged to be touched. I reached out and played with a strand gently as my gaze raked the length of her body. She was wearing a short navy and red playsuit that made her bare legs look incredible. My eyes lingered boldly over her delicately muscled calves that betrayed her dedicated and continued love affair with dancing. I swallowed hard, my heart racing. The dizzying affect she'd had on me from that first moment hadn't faded and I knew it never would.

She cleared her throat, causing me to bring my stare back upwards grudgingly. "You like?" She retorted playfully. I nodded, rendered speechless and suddenly wishing that I could cancel the imminent arrival of a house full of teenagers. I wanted Rachel all to myself. I licked my lips before sweeping her into a kiss that showed just how much I appreciated her outfit choice. She tasted sweet like the liquid she had consumed, but even so, she was unmistakably was still Rachel flavoured and I smiled into the embrace. "We better get you out of those clothes." she whispered, tugging at my skirt forcefully. I collapsed into her and groaned as I registered how close our bodies had become.

"Don't tempt me." I whined, using all my reserves of will power to break away. Luckily the dull throb of my ribs helped ground me before I got too carried away.

I stripped off my clothes with exaggerated care; I had been wearing nothing but a bra on my torso since the tattoo so there wasn't much to remove, yet I could feel Rachel's eyes burning into my back as I undressed and stood surveying the contents of my wardrobe. The uniform dictated that my outfit choices could be all me, popular or not, exempt from the judgement of my peers, so I was spoilt for choice thanks to a generous allowance from my parents. I rummaged for a suitably baggy vest top, but I was still unconvinced that it wouldn't rub. As I considered a solution, I shrugged on my beloved grey skinny jeans and spun to face Rachel. "Any ideas?" I requested quietly.

The brunette disappeared dutifully so I used her absence to change from the lurid pink one I was wearing into a subtler lacy black bra. I'd had to pick my moment. If I revealed much more flesh in front of Rachel, preventing us from taking the next step would require more self-control that either of us possessed. She reappeared just minutes later clutching a pair of scissors and her eyes darkened as she clocked the miniscule yet obvious change to my attire.

"Wow." She gasped. I didn't blush. Rachel wisely busied herself slashing the material of the top so that it ended just below the clasp of my bra and was able to cover my modesty without brushing the surface of my dressing. I smiled. It wasn't much but it at least gave the illusion of clothing. I checked my reflection before opting to hide my unruly hair under a beanie hat. Outfit chosen, I tensed my abs, concerned by the amount of my stomach on display. My girlfriend appeared over my shoulder. "You look beautiful, Quinn." She remarked with total sincerity and placed a loving kiss against the side of my throat. I relaxed.

"So do you." I wasn't just returning the compliment. I meant it, but before I could say anymore the doorbell rang 4 times in quick succession signalling Puck's arrival. Everybody else wouldn't be far behind. I took Rachel's hand and escorted her downstairs.

"Jesus, no need to break my door down." I muttered affectionately as I welcomed Puck inside.

He grinned widely as he eyed the bandage. "Badass." He murmured, almost under his breath. I left him and Rachel chatting as I fetched him a drink. He took it gratefully. "Aren't you the hostess with the mostest" he remarked handing me his own contribution to the festivities wordlessly.

I emptied the bag onto the table, sorting through the heap. "What, no love fountains?" I sneered sarcastically. I still hadn't forgiven him for that night.

"Nah, I only use them when I need to cockblock your sweet ass and although it never fails, I presumed that Berry was too far gone to fall for all that now, was I wrong?" The question earned him a hard punch on the bicep from Rachel. Before the violence could escalate into a full blown war, the doorbell rang again and Puck raced to let everybody else in. I let him go, powerless to stop him even if I'd wanted to. He was like an excited child. Parties were his preferred domain and he was firmly in his comfort zone.

I, on the other hand, was rapidly regretting the intrusion, especially since Rachel was looking so fantastic. I stepped back over to my girlfriend's side, but was left confused when she shot me a look. I discerned that it was laced with sympathy so I quirked my eyebrow in puzzlement until I realised that her fingertips had snaked backwards and hit the play button. I nodded grimly as the music assaulted my eardrums and took a large swallow of my drink to compensate. _I'm far too sober to deal with Flo Rida, _I internally lamented.Rachel grasped my arm. Suddenly everything seemed substantially more bearable.

"Dance with me." She commanded. I obliged, letting myself be guided. I could deny her nothing.


	21. Chapter 21

**This is mostly just happy Faberry fluff and epic friendship involving some of my favourite ND characters. What can I say; I was in a good mood after the V-day episode. Can you blame me? Plus, that Faberry/Achele picture that Lea tweeted, it's cuteness is burned into my retinas for all time.**

**With regards to the update, it's not just filler. Underneath all the fluff, I did want to show that Quinn's insecurities are never far away. That's an important aspect of her character. Also, I like to highlight the differences between her and Rachel. She has her future figured out with regards to Yale, whereas the brunette's outlook isn't nearly so fixed and rigid.**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy this. Reviews are love. I'm determined to reach 100… **

I woke up feeling like death, but at the same time I was filled with overwhelming cheerfulness. The party was much like a million others that had gone before it, filled with the usual drunken debauchery. I had lingering mental images of body shots and beer pong and I was also able to vividly recall the night ending with a very drunk and intoxicated Brittany flinging her bra over my living room door. All in all, it was fairly typical of how house parties usually went in my social circle. The only real difference was that I didn't have to rush to clean up the mess and yet, as I danced the night away and downed drink after disgusting drink that Puck mixed for me, I noticed a shift. I was genuinely happy. I had everything I wanted, good friends, perfect girlfriend and no disapproving parents. I felt so secure that I didn't have to fight to curb my jealousy like I had done at previous parties. No matter what, I knew that Rachel was mine. I looked over at her, still snoring softly, buried amongst the mountain of pillows I had propped her up with before passing out myself. Despite her claims of having no gag reflex, I was taking no chances.

Hung-over as I may have been, my inbuilt sense of etiquette that my mother had painfully instilled in me over the years, dictated that my overnight guests needed breakfast. Kissing the sleeping brunette gently I rushed about the house, checking upon each in turn. I realised enviously that they were all sound asleep but I was confident that the smell of pancakes would rouse them, vegan or otherwise. If that didn't work, a swift elbow would definitely do the trick. I cringed when I found that Santana and Brittany were curled up in my parent's bed. _I'll have to change the sheets. _I thought with faint distaste. _It could be worse though, it could've been Puck._ Few had forgotten the rumours about him infecting the whole cheerleading squad with Chlamydia, and whilst I was certain it wasn't true, I had my suspicions that Puck's bedroom habits were far from what I considered ordinary.

Despite my friends adding to my workload, I couldn't begrudge them. After all, I'd had similar thoughts about Rachel all night long and it was only the amount of liquor that we'd both consumed that stopped us. I smiled as my brain conjured up fragments of the heated make-out session we'd managed to indulge in. Although only glimpses, it was enough evidence that we'd had a lot of fun. Puck was face down on the couch where I had left him which meant everyone was accounted for and I was free to begin preparing breakfast. I made myself a strong black coffee and took some painkillers first; I'm not some kind of sadist. Pancakes are child's play even if you aren't fully functioning, which is why I chose them. In addition, I had already committed a vegan recipe to memory which made things simpler. I'd sampled them before and was confident that the others wouldn't balk at the difference especially since none of them were exactly foodies anyway. Once they were done I carried the batches to each recipient, delighting in my duty of shaking them awake. Santana looked about ready to murder me until she saw what I was offering. Whereas, Brittany's first instinct was to hug me, unabashed nakedness and all. It wasn't surprising, she was lucky not to suffer due to alcohol consumption; the blonde was an anomaly that way.

Puck, on the other hand, barely managed a grin before shovelling the food into his mouth. _That's gratitude for you. _"Boys are such pigs." I muttered with a smirk.

"You know it, babe." He retorted with a wink, oinking at me as I retreated.

I saved mine and Rachel's for last and crawled into bed with the plates. I kissed her awake because it's the only imaginable way to wake up your girlfriend and in my opinion, the perfect start to the day. I wished every sunrise could begin like that.

"Ah, the joy of no rules." Rachel murmured happily against my lips.

"Oh there are rules, so many. It's just lucky for you that I'm out to break as many as possible." I purred into her ear.

Her eyes widened, darkening with mischief and desire. She smirked. "Is that so?" All traces of lethargy had been wiped away. In response I kissed her forcefully, wrapping my arms around her. I wasn't hungry any more, not for pancakes at least. My fingertips edged underneath the borrowed shirt that she had slept in, lingering over the warm skin that I uncovered. My lips joined the dance across her stomach and she sighed happily. "Good morning to you too." She chuckled breathlessly.

"It gets better, I made breakfast."

"You spoil me." She stroked my hair, smoothing the messy curls away from my face. I gazed up at her and our eyes locked.

"You deserve it." I replied. She treated me to a final languid kiss with a brief tantalising sweep of tongue before pulling away to attack the stack of pancakes enthusiastically. She didn't need to ask if they were vegan. I joined her in the feast. My fork had barely finished scraping the plate clean when the trio jumped on us.

Our friends all piled on the bed roughly to thank me. The appreciation concluded with a very animated group hug. Brittany, by some mysterious means ended up in my lap to Santana's chagrin. As I grinned, the Latina stared daggers at me, in spite of the fact that I had done nothing to encourage her girlfriend and my own was sitting inches away. Everyone found this reaction predictably hilarious and soon the group had collapsed in a fit of almost hysterical giggling, even Santana.

Normally I would be sickened by displays of affection of this magnitude. I wasn't the touchy feely type with anyone besides Rachel, and I don't know if I was weakened by the hang-over or if she had just softened me irrevocably, but either way I was oddly touched by what I had witnessed. "The ice queen has melted, long live cuddly Quinn!" Santana remarked. The others cheered. I on the other hand, took my opportunity and lunged.

"I'll show you who's cuddly." I grappled with the Latina, play fighting until my sore ribs urged me to admit defeat.

"That was hot." Brittany admitted without embarrassment. Rachel and Puck both nodded before high-fiving when they realised they had unintentionally mimicked each other. Santana winked and kissed the blonde which only caused Puck to stare more intently. I simply surveyed the scene with a fond smile and an eye roll. It dawned of me. _They're losers unquestionably, but they're MY losers. _It felt good to have a strong network of friends to rely on. They knew the real me and they hadn't run, that meant they were here to stay.

"You ate my pancakes, which means you're all stuck with me, My BFF's, you know that, right?"

"Damn, I didn't realise breakfast came with strings attached." Puck muttered sarcastically, smirking at me. I punched him on the arm. "You girls need to stop hitting me. It's not cool." Rachel didn't miss a beat. She reached up and ruffled his Mohawk instead.

"Better?"

He scowled. "I change my mind, let's stick to the hitting. Jeez, you're all such chicks." We all beamed at him with our best good girl smiles until he cracked, letting out a snort of approval.

After a comfortable pause, Rachel spoke up. "So, what do you guys want to do for the day?" The only sound was four heads unanimously flopping back down against the mattress. _That's that riddle solved. _A lazy day was the only real option.

I managed to get rid of my houseguests a little after 5pm, which wasn't bad considering that we didn't get up until late. I initially imagined having to throw them out sometime late in the evening since none of them seemed especially keen to leave. Rachel stayed at my insistence. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy hanging out with them all, just that I was desperate for some alone time with my favourite brunette. Santana and Brittany were blatant exhibitionists and Puck clearly was open to the idea of two pairs of attractive girls making out in front of him, but I drew the line at having an audience for too long. I encouraged Rachel to take a long hot shower while I began the cleanup operation. I was so well practiced that it didn't take long to restore the house to its former appearance. I think even the brunette was surprised how quickly I managed to dispose of everything.

It came as no shocking bombshell to either of us that we ended up back in my bed. We hadn't really wanted to vacate it in the first place. Our make-out session seemed to increase in urgency, as they had a tendency of doing lately and it occurred to me that we hadn't really spoken about taking things to the next level since her dad had caught us. I disentangled myself from her embrace with my chest pounding. I was aware that I was already sporting a rapidly darkening bruise that would swell and bloom into a brilliant purple badge of honour by the next day.

"Rach, can I ask you something?" She nodded with a faint hum of agreement, clearly still distracted as her fingers traced a map across my skin. "I can't concentrate with you doing that." I mumbled. She shuffled away a fraction and I immediately regretted saying anything because the gap between us seemed too large. I tried not to pout because this was my idea after all.

"Go ahead, I'll behave."

"It's just, well, do you mind that we haven't…that we aren't…?" I blushed as she studied me, unable to get the words out.

"Are you seriously asking me if I'm mad that we haven't had sex?" Her expression was one of utter disbelief and my face went crimson, almost matching my love-bite.

I hastily struggled to explain. "We haven't really talked about it and last night Santana said that guys think about sex once every 3 seconds and girls want it almost as much as guys do so…clearly you have needs and I…" I trailed off awkwardly. I shuddered. I was rambling. I cursed my choice of words. _Needs. _I sounded like one of those pamphlets that Miss Pilsbury was so fond of handing out.

Rachel sniggered. "Oh Quinn, you're adorable. You've been worrying about this haven't you? Don't. I meant what I said. I love you and I want this to be special. I'm not some horny jock, you know, of course I want to, I really do, but I'm not in any rush."

I bit my lip nervously. "You're sure?"

Rachel nodded deliberately slowly. "Trust me, okay; it'll be worth the wait." My stomach clenched. _I don't doubt it. _ The brunette cradled me gently and I immediately felt better. _I need to stop letting the doubts creep in_ I told myself. I smiled down at Rachel, feeling calmer again. She grinned. "Oh my god, look at that hickey. It's a good thing that your parents aren't back tomorrow. I think it's possible to see the mark I left on you from space!"

I touched the tender flesh and it pulsed of its own accord against my fingers. "As flattered as I am, maybe you should leave this particular skill of your CV." I retorted with a smirk.

"I don't know, it might turn on the admissions board." We both giggled at the ridiculous image.

"Where are you thinking of applying to anyway?" I meant it casually, but once the question was out, I realised that I hadn't actually asked anything about Rachel's plans for the future before. It was a glaring omission on my part. I hadn't taken the time to consider our relationship beyond our high school bubble. My prior concerns were always about protecting us from my parent's detection and yet there was the very real danger of separation of a different kind looming on the horizon. Although it was still months and months away, I knew that the future would encroach too fast. I had always considered it to be only a positive, escape from Lima, a fresh start, no parents, but suddenly it occurred to me that Rachel might be far away too. That scared me. We had been through too much for her to slip through my fingers.

Her answer was non-committal. "I'm keeping my options open." I frowned. I didn't want vague. I wanted assurance. I wanted to know so that I could address the potential hurdles, be ready. I could brace myself, armed with all the facts and possible scenarios.

"What does that mean?" My tone was more accusatory that I had intended, my fear undercutting everything else.

Rachel wasn't flustered by my mini meltdown. She never was. "It means just that. I don't know yet. I'm exploring a few different avenues. As soon as I'm sure, I'll tell you. You'll know when I do." It was so irrefutably logical that I couldn't argue. I held my tongue so I wouldn't snap. I longed to make a cutting remark about how enlightened Rachel was, but I curbed my anger, remembering how my father had called her a hippie. I didn't want to react like him, all judgemental. _STOP IT. Quinn Fabray. _I chastised myself. It was like a verbal slap and it worked.

I didn't want to stress out over the future anymore; I wanted to just enjoy the present. We were together, loved up and alone in my house. What could be better? I kissed her again, blocking out my irrational thoughts. I felt her smile into it and that grounded me again. _Don't sabotage this_ I warned myself._ Everything's fine. Stop freaking out over things that might never happen. _My inner voice was right. I shook away the uncertainties. Rachel had told me the truth, what more could I ask for. I couldn't be angry at that. So, I spoke my truth to back to her. "I love you." I said.


	22. Chapter 22

**I know I shouldn't be updating again so soon, especially given some of my poor neglected fics, but I cannot help myself. I'm excited to get this up. I've had the idea since knowing that Rachel's sex number and I've been biding my time and it's been killing me. **

**You all thought that the drama would come from her parents, huh. Well I threw in a curve ball. Don't hate me, I warned you that we'd come back to tattoos didn't I? It can't be fluffy forever. **

**Let's say that some time has passed since the last chapter. Just how much is up to you. (I personally have a couple of weeks in mind but whatever you like.) Actually this angsty chapter is totally at odds to my happiness and how I feel about Faberry on the show. The promo has convinced me that they are endgame and I will not be dissuaded.**

**The roses are inspired by the genius of Blink 182. **_**"She left me roses by the stairs." **_**I love that lyric. Also, if you google blue roses, you will find the symbolism quite telling…**

Isn't it funny how quickly the best laid plans can unravel. I had everything figured out. Since our conversation after the party, I hadn't been able to stop thinking about it. What was I really waiting for after all? I knew the answer, I was waiting for love, and here it was in front of me. So, I had made my mind up. It had taken some preparation, but finally everything was set. I'd arranged for Brittany to keep Rachel occupied so that I could make the house look perfect. It was Saturday afternoon and the blonde had a dance class full of kids to teach, so she was more than willing to take the help. I told my girlfriend that I had plans with Puck, but in reality I was determined to give her another first time. I wanted Rachel to have an experience that wasn't bittersweet, that she could look back on happily. I never expected something as harmless as a glass of lemonade to ruin everything.

Everything had started so promisingly. I thought nothing could bring me down, I was riding high and not even the news that my parents would be heading back the next week mattered to me. The sun was shining and it seemed that zilch could go wrong. Rachel and I were in the garden basking in the warmth. I was grilling some vegetable skewers whilst Rachel lounged. She'd pulled an all-nighter to study for an exam, so she was exhausted. Nevertheless she was adamant that she wanted to see me, so I let her doze before Brittany picked her up. It was an idyllic scene as I picture it now. The brunette woke up in time for the food; she had a sixth sense like that and I couldn't stop myself smiling as I handed her the plate. I'd got into the habit of cooking for her, but I liked it. Clearly however, I wasn't channelling Martha Steward as much as I thought I was because Rachel grimaced and pushed the plate away. I was momentarily offended until I had a taste of my own. It was terrible. I was actually proud of Rachel for masking her disgust so tactfully. I spit my mine out and rushed to fill my mouth with a more pleasant flavour. Unfortunately, I must have been having a spectacularly off day.

The lemonade I had reached for went flying and the contents of my glass landed in the brunette's lap. She shivered as the ice cubes bombarded her. I immediately started trying to mop her up, but the tumbler had been full and as a result she was completely drenched. Rachel pulled her skirt off, rolling her hips and shimmying as the wet fabric clung to her. That was when I saw it. The tattoo was high on the inside of her thigh, normally concealed under layers of clothing. My gaze fixed directly upon the image of a blue rose, the stem and blue petals curved around her flesh and I followed the path with my eyes.

Rachel was already heading inside, in search of clean clothes. I stopped her. "I haven't seen this one before, what other secrets have you been keeping, Berry?" I joked with a smirk. She turned away from me, but not quickly enough. I saw the flicker of anxiety shimmering in those brown pools. "What's wrong?" I hadn't meant anything by my comments and her reaction was troubling.

"This one's…uh…personal."

"Aren't they all?" I remembered the stories she had told me about the art that adorned her body. "What's so special about this one?" She didn't answer and I could feel myself getting worked up. I took a deep breath. "Rachel?"

"Do we have to talk about this now, I'm in my underwear and I'm freezing." I conceded that she had a point but I wasn't letting this go. _How could I when she was being so cagey?_ I followed her indoors. She shrugged on some of my clothes at random from the fresh laundry folded on the counter. Normally I loved the sight of her wearing my clothes, but I was preoccupied. "So?" I asked, trying not to lay it down as an ultimatum. We never fought and I didn't want to start then.

"You have to promise you won't overreact." I snorted, rolling my eyes. "I'm serious, are you sure you want to know?"

My stomach clenched, but I nodded wearily. "The whole truth." I muttered foolishly. She started telling me about her life in Paris. She had already spoken frequently about that time, so at first, I wasn't surprised. I already knew that she hung out with an older, arty crowd. They were painters and musicians and writers and she recalled fondly how some of the group spent lazy afternoons sketching passersby in cafés whilst others, herself included, performed on the streets. They didn't do it for money, just purely for the love of their craft. The depiction she crafted into my imagination made me want to jump onto the next plane to the continent. However, it seemed that there was a rather glaring omission in her previous tales.

She had left out Lena, a girl who apparently had heard her sing one day and stopped to listen. Rachel didn't use the words love at first sight, but I could read between the lines. The more she said, my heart sank, there was just something about the way that she spoke, the look of her face. It ignited by deepest insecurities. The ex-girlfriend was older, worldly wise in a way I could never aspire to be, I hadn't even lived yet. It was all so glamorous. How _could I compete with a Russian Ballerina living in Paris?_ It was like something out of a romance novel and I immediately began to feel inferior, compared with the stunning, passionate woman that my mind's eye conjured up to torment me. I pictured her them dancing and they just fit together. I had never felt like such a small town girl in my life.

Rachel was still talking, plying me with information that I was no longer sure I wanted to be subjected to. "She used to leave me a trail of rose petals to her door on the days that we were due to meet there, different colours depending on her mood. They were clues. I needed them, she was …I guess you could say volatile." That fitted alongside my mental image and I chewed unnoticed on my bottom lip anxiously. _I bet she's gorgeous too. _The brunette continued oblivious as I squirmed like a fish on a hook. "Anyway, one day, she dyed the petals. They were the most beautiful colour I'd ever seen-" I squeezed my eyes shut. I didn't want to hear anymore. Rachel was lost in her recollection and it felt like I didn't even exist. _Why did it have to be roses? _ I was reminded of the petals that I had intended to scatter before my seduction and suddenly felt a little sick.

"Do you still love her?" I hadn't meant to ask out loud, but I couldn't unsay the words. Rachel snapped out her memories. I'd hurt her, the words stung.

"I can't believe you just asked me that."

"Why not. You were practically swooning." My voice sounded bitter and jealous. I didn't like it. This conversation wasn't turning out like I expected. I wished I'd never even seen the tattoo, although it was inevitable. I would have noticed it sooner or later. I would have preferred the latter or never ideally. _Why did she have to get a tattoo?_ I thought. I knew though, I could understand and therefore I couldn't even be truly angry like I wanted. I longed to rant and yet, it was hypocritical. _Wasn't I wearing my heart on my skin too, after all? _

"I was reminiscing, can't I have memories? You seem to forget that I did have a life before you." She snapped. This was the most furious I had ever seen her, but I didn't relent. My outrage matched, if not eclipsed hers. I had no illusions of her being a nun, I by now knew her romantic history, or at least I thought I did. It appeared that she had left a large proportion of the pages blank

"How could I, with that to remind me!" Her previous life and love was etched all over her body. Lena was immortalised. The tattoos didn't seem so endearing now; they served to highlight what I had missed and what I didn't know. She had kept me in the dark about a significant aspect of her life. _What else is she lying about? What other things has she neglected to mention. _I sighed, my anger turning to sadness. "You know everything about me; I've told you the whole lot. Were you ever going to tell me about her?"

"Of course I was. I was just scared that you'd react like this." She exhaled sharply, clasping her arms across her chest. "Please, you need to calm down. I'm sorry, but honestly it's all in the past; we broke up long before I even met you. I swear I was going to tell you, I just didn't want you to get upset. It's hardly protocol to bring up your ex in the early days of a relationship."

Everything she had said made sense but I could only focus on the timeframe. "How long?" The fact that it was recent made the omission worse. This wasn't irrelevant ancient history. It felt like a betrayal. I stared at Rachel intently. "Tell me the truth, that's all I want." I implored.

"About a month before I came to Lima." She admitted quietly. It was worse than I feared.

"4 weeks! Oh, so what, I'm your fucking rebound girl? That's just fantastic."

"Quinn, come on, you're being ridiculous, and you know it's not like that. I love you."

"You don't get to call me ridiculous or tell you love me right now. You knew how hard it was for me to trust people, Rachel. Suddenly I just discover that you casually neglected to mention this huge part of your life."

"Don't." She reached out to take my hand, but I snatched it away. "You wanted the truth, there it is. You aren't being fair. I can't rewrite history."

"I'm not being fair, are you serious? You lied to me. For all I know you could have been pining for another girl the whole time we've been together. I don't know what to think."

"I was trying to protect you, that's all. Just let me explain so you understand. Me and her, it was very off and on, we were honestly apart for almost as long as we were together. The relationship was over long before she ended it, that was just confirmation. I need you to believe that. " She was crying silently, tears running freely over her face. "It was nothing like what we have." It was almost a plea.

"I can't even begin to process this. She dumped you, and instead of locking yourself in your room with ice cream and sad music like a normal person, you just moved on. New town and new girl, is that it?" Our entire relationship felt trivialised in the wake of this news. I couldn't get over the fact that I was just a distraction to her. "If you left Ohio tomorrow, how long would it take you to forget about me, 4 weeks, 5 or maybe 6, if I'm lucky?"

"That's an awful thing to say. " Rachel was sobbing now. I think I was too, I felt strangely numbed. Looking back, I think I had begun to shut down as a defence mechanism, regardless I felt detached. I watched her unsympathetically as she fought to compose herself. "I don't know how else I can prove to you that it was a totally different situation. We were together for 8 months and I wasn't happy for half that time. All we did was fight. She was so possessive; she would fly into a rage if I even looked at another girl. Don't you see, Quinn, we weren't good for each other; I was just too wilful to see it. My dads' even tried to warn me off her, but I didn't listen…"

I softened slightly now that I knew she wasn't wishing for those days back and she was unlikely to leap in the Russian sex bomb's arms if she walked through the door, but I couldn't get over the fact that she had failed to share something so significant. I knew Rachel Berry wasn't an open book when I met her, the mystery was part of the appeal, but nonetheless, she had lied and it hurt me. Before I could respond, Rachel's phone began to ring accompanied by several blasts of a car horn. Brittany had arrived. "You should go." I mumbled softly, wiping away my tears self-consciously even though the blonde had thus far stayed in the driveway.

"I'm not leaving. I refuse to go anywhere with you this mad at me. We need to talk about this properly, Quinn."

Brittany was knocking now. I could hear her pounding against the door. "Please, just go. I need some time, okay?" Rachel stood resolute. She shook her head.

"No. I don't care about some stupid dance class!" She yelled.

"So go home, it doesn't matter, I'm just asking you to respect that I need to be alone."

She did leave then, once it was clear that I wasn't about to back down. I think she was afraid that I might say something I couldn't take back if she stayed. After I heard the car pull away, I stormed back outside, slamming the screen door to the patio forcefully. It didn't really help. I realised that the barbeque was still on, charring the neglected skewers to a cinder. I stomped over and extinguished the flames with Rachel's untouched beverage, watching the smoke rise as the grill spluttered. In that moment, the mere sight of the lemonade was enough to provoke an onslaught of fresh sobs. I cried, curled up on my lounger until the light faded from the sky.


	23. Chapter 23

**This is far from my best chapter and I probably would have rewritten it if I didn't feel so uninspired. Blame Glee for holding my heart hostage for 7 weeks. I can barely even stand to write anything Quinn centric right now because I am so sad. **

**My only consolation is that Faberry couldn't be any more cannon unless Quinn screamed "I love you!" in Rachel's face and snogged her senseless. I know I wear faberry goggles but there is literally no other way to interpret her asking Rachel if she was singing only to Finn…**

**Anyway, back to the update. I love writing Quinntana friendship and I firmly believe that Santana would always be the one to snap Quinn out of her despair and self-pity. After all, look at when she tried to get punk Quinn back on the Cheerios, she didn't pull any punches but it came from a caring place. I really like how their friendship has evolved in this story too, so that is what this chapter is in celebration of.**

Santana found me crying silently in the darkness. I hadn't moved and I was shivering, exposed to the elements in my denim shorts and t-shirt. She scooped me up into her arms and held me until I quietened a little. I knew I should have been concerned how effortlessly she appeared to be able to break into my house, but in that instant I was just glad to see her. The intimacy was clumsy and awkward and yet she had reached out anyway. Santana had tried. I was touched by the sentiment, especially since hugging was an unheard of between the two of us. I was aware how unnatural gestures like this felt for my friend, how rarely she revealed her gentler side and I almost felt as though I should insult her just to get things back on track. She broke away before I could even open my mouth so I didn't get a chance to revert to sarcasm. To be honest, I wasn't sure I could've said anything, even given all the time in the world. I had no fire within me to use to summon up an adequately barbed retort.

The other girl began explaining her presence when it became apparent that I wasn't going to volunteer any information about how I came to be in this state. I took some painfully shaky breaths and listened. "Brittany called me, I've been trying to reach you for hours, and you haven't been answering your phone or your door. I was scared shitless, Q." I had already guessed that the blonde would be behind her Santana's desire to be with me because whether or not Rachel had decided to go with her and regardless of her excuses, Brittany would know something was up. It was a misconception that the girl was stupid, she was actually very astute and shrewd when it came to deciphering people's feelings and emotions. I was pretty sure that the blonde could have utterly decoded my every secret if she had wanted to. "What the fuck?" Santana finally demanded, her impatience winning out.

I imagined that Rachel would remain tight-lipped about our row, so all the other girls had to work with were unfounded suspicions and concerns unless I shared more. I was torn, as much as I wanted a shoulder to cry on, I wasn't sure Santana was the right person for the job. I gazed at her and pondered how much to tell her. In the end though, in spite of everything, my doubts and desires to keep it to myself, the whole story came out in a garbled rush, punctuated by tears. I needed to vent. Crying and cursing on my own could only help me so much, I needed perspective. I needed Santana's straightforward approach. She never sugar coated anything to soften the blow and I needed a dose of her wisdom.

"And then I pretty much forced her out the door…" I finished with a ragged sigh.

"You're such an idiot." The Latina retorted. I stared at her in disbelief. I obviously didn't expect her to pander to me, but I did expect slightly more sympathy once she knew the whole story. _She's not pulling any punches, huh?_

"You're supposed to be my friend, who's side are you on?" I huffed indignantly.

Santana was unwavering. "As much as it pains me to say this, I'm firmly team Berry this time. You totally overreacted. Come on, it's not like you didn't know she had exes, and we've all got things in our pasts that we wish we could change. So she didn't tell you some things, so what, it sounds to me like it was for you own good anyway."

"Yeah, but San-" I began. My friend didn't let me finish.

"No. You've had your little pity party, now here's the truth, take it or leave it. That girl, for reasons unknown to me, totally adores you. She's been there through all the bullshit with your family, hell she even went on group dates with me and Britt's, if that's not love, I don't know what is. She never once judged you for anything you've done and your past is far from rosy. Jeez, you were using Finn up until _hours_ before you hooked up with her!" My eyes widened, it was a gross exaggeration but nonetheless I could see the point she was trying to make.

I sniffed loudly. _How did everything go so wrong so fast? _"I never lied though, did I?" I mumbled sadly.

Santana lifted my chin up with the palm of her hand so that our eyes met. She kept her fingers in place so that I couldn't look away. "Neither did she, Q. Jesus, don't make me go round in circles. She thought she was doing the right thing." I sighed. The Latina wasn't done. "How would you have reacted if she told you about this girl from the start? I'll tell you, you'd have freaked out and accused Berry of still being hung up on her ex. She was in a no-win situation. Cut her some slack."

"It just hurt. She's Rachel Berry, the most amazing girl I've ever met and I'm just…well I'm the pretty blonde girl who is destined to peak in high school aren't I? I'm small-time and I got scared, what if she's just settling for this while she's in Lima, what if she leaves me, what if I'm not good enough?"

Santana shook her head sadly. Her voice was gentler. "I've never known anybody with such a low option of their self. You are so off base that it's scary. I've seen the way Rachel looks at you, she's head over heels. She's not going anywhere unless you push her away." She took my hand and squeezed it. I couldn't deny that she was right. "Do I really have to tell you what to do now, go! What are you still doing here?" She exclaimed loudly, pushing me towards the door. I hesitated, everything suddenly crashing down over me. _What if she doesn't want to talk to me? What will I do if I've fucked everything up? _Rachel and I had never fought before and I'd never really cared enough to argue with Finn so I had no idea how to go about making amends.

I tried and failed to voice some of my fears out loud "What if…?" I couldn't bear to finish my own sentence so it hung there heavy with possibility. Santana nudged me inside again. _She never did put up with any bullshit _I reminded myself. I threw a sweatshirt on for warmth and forced my feet into my battered sneakers.

"I know what this is really about." I was halfway out the door and Santana's statement caught me by surprise. I spun around to face her, waiting to see what other insights she would throw my way. My eyebrow rose curiously of its own accord. _Well? _"It's about sex, isn't it? You are so transparent." I blushed and immediately hated my body for betraying me. _So much for secrets._

"How did we get to this point, where you can see through me without even trying?" I'd always considered Brittany to be the reader of people and yet here was Santana, standing beside me with the full knowledge of the inner workings of my mind. _I really must be transparent, she's right._ I told myself. I sighed.

"It's nothing new, I always could." Santana replied with a smirk. "Don't fret your candles and champagne aren't going anywhere. They'll still be there in the morning, or… whenever." She added with a wink. The way she was leering at me made me want to punch her so I clenched my fists, knowing that taking out my frustrations on my only ally was far from a good plan. As much as I hated to admit it, I needed Santana Lopez.

"Can you please not joke about this?" I muttered angrily.

"Hey, I'm not mocking, I'm proud of you for finally deciding to put out." I groaned. This kind of talk was exactly what I'd been hoping to avoid. It was why I didn't involve her in my preparations in the first place.

"Don't, it's a big deal for me, okay." _And it probably won't be happening now in any case_, my inner voice silently added. I pictured the anguish on Rachel's face as she left. It was highly likely that the brunette hated me right now. Undoubtedly, I hadn't reacted well to the revelation and our first fight hadn't shown me in a good light. _Please god, don't let me have blown this._

"I won't say another word." I scarcely believed the Latina. Sex was one of her favourite topics, and she especially enjoyed the discomfort that I felt whenever she brought it up. I knew I hadn't heard the last of this, but I had bigger concerns in that moment. I rushed towards the door with the other girl close behind. "Goodnight Q, call me!" She called as she headed to her car. I just nodded, relieved that she had been tactful enough to resist saying good luck. I didn't need any reminders about the situation I was in or how hopeless it might be. I needed more than luck, I needed a miracle.

I got in my car and tried to psyche myself up for the ride to Rachel's house. I recalled how angry she was. _Maybe I should give her more time? _I thought and yet, at the same time I couldn't shake the notion that if I did, things might just get worse. I sat there for a while clutching the steering wheel. I flipped the stereo on, only to silence it again when some saccharine love song blasted out. I knew I was stalling but I couldn't remember a time before in my life when so much had apparently hinged upon my next move. _No pressure then. _It was like a high stakes game of chess and everybody knew the winning tactics except for me. I was out my depth; I'd never had so much to lose, or someone that I cared about so deeply before. I ached to apologise, but on the other hand, every time I turned the key in the ignition I pictured Lena, my mental composition of her, dancing behind my eyes, mocking me with a smug smile. _4 weeks, 4 weeks…_ she taunted endlessly in a singsong voice.

I screamed without a sound, my vocal chords too destroyed from all the sobbing to grant me such a release. I thumped my fists against the steering wheel in increasing frustration, hard enough to bruise. There was something reassuring about wearing a physical mark of my anguish. In the same breath though, I was reminded of Rachel, beautiful snapshots of her fighting for dominance inside my brain. There was a battle going on between my hopes and my fears and although I knew which one I wanted to be stronger that realisation wasn't necessarily enough to ensure a champion of my choosing. _I can't do this. What if I make things worse?_

"Suck it up Fabray, just do this, hear her out, you owe her that." I remarked bitterly as I studied my puffy red-rimmed eyes in the mirror. My mind made up, I started the engine and pulled away from my driveway. I was making myself no promises. My jaw was set in determination at the same time as the rest of me was trembling. _I'm a walking fucking contradiction._ All I could think about was that I still couldn't get a handle on how I felt. I had been bombarded with so much information, first from Rachel and then in the form of Santana talking at me, that I just couldn't take it in. I was in a tailspin.

My prevailing consideration that kept surfacing through the muddy whirlpool of my insides was that this was not how I had expected to spend my last few days of freedom. _Timing is everything._ I kept seeing the image of myself and Rachel curled up in my bed, candlelight flickering over our bare skin, so real that I could almost reach out to caress Rachel's hair. I could feel its feather softness between my fingers and that scene was, without a doubt, what should really be happening right now, not this. _I'd let her go. Why did I let her go? _I knew the answer, and I also knew that I had been partly justified in the way I'd acted but that knowledge didn't make me feel any better and it certainly didn't make the drive any less lonely. My heart sank and I felt sick when I even tried to consider what I might have lost. I had no idea what was going to happen next, it was largely out of my control and that scared me more than anything.

"Please Rachel, let me in." I called, my voice cracking from the strain. I waited on the doorstep, locked in an agonising countdown as my knuckled rapped the wood over and over again. She peered through the narrow chink of light, out into the shadows as she pushed open the door. She swayed as though it was a large effort to do so. I surveyed the brunette wanting to take her in my arms and sweep away the misery that I saw reflected in her slight frame. I longed to wipe away the tears I had caused, but she too far away, shielded by the wooden barrier she clung to. I stepped forward, letting the light illuminate my face harshly, not caring. In response, the brunette appraised me with watery eyes, sighing as she took on board the state of both of us. Standing there, it was plain to see that she thought this could have all been avoided.

"Are you finally ready to listen?" I nodded dumbly, biting my lip as she allowed me inside.


	24. Chapter 24

**I'm so sorry for the delay. I have been busy and it doesn't help that the universe has been conspiring against me to insure that when I do have time to write I feel thoroughly uninspired and generally blah.**

**I hope that this chapter is worth waiting for. It isn't my best in my opinion, but it's necessary to wade through all the dialogue to move the plot on. One thing I do like about this chapter however, is the role reversal at the end. Rachel is always the giver of comfort so it was nice to have her on the receiving end for once and to be able to expose her vulnerabilities. Please let me know what you think. I'd love to hear if you are satisfied with how I dealt with the aftermath to the row and the whole ex-girlfriend situation.**

"I fucked up, I know I did. I should have just let you explain properly." Rachel's teary eyed stare was making my heart ache. I needed to undo my part in this; I had caused things to spiral out of control. Standing in front of her at that moment, I knew that I had to get my words out first before she started speaking. It was important to say them before the blame for our first row settled firmly on her shoulders. Rachel shouldn't carry all the guilt. On balance, it occurred to me that she wasn't really that deeply at fault. She was trying to spare my feelings; it was all she had ever done. I took a deep breath and narrowed the gap between us, moving closer to the armchair that she had sunk into wordlessly after I followed her inside. "I was wrong to react like that, I'm so sorry." I had no better phrases than those, words weren't my forte and apologies weren't something that I was used to readily giving. Rachel made me want to re-write my rules and break through all my barriers. I hoped she could see that.

On the way over, I had spent the entire drive thinking of all the ways she had supported me since we'd met. It was the final boost I needed to shake me out of the grip of my insecurities. I ran through all the incidences in my mind, everything from the little things she had done, like not holding my hand in public until I was ready, to the self-sacrifice involved in the continued secrecy of our relationship around my parents. The thing that struck me most of all was when I recalled her telling me that I could do whatever was necessary to placate my mother, even denying her existence. Effectively I was forcing her back into the closet around my family, but she had never complained. She had put aside her own feelings for me numerous times. I was ashamed that I had been so quick to assume the worst. _Santana's right, I am an idiot_. I waited for her response, silently praying for forgiveness to a god that I wasn't sure I even believed in.

Rachel nodded with a heavy sigh that reverberated through her whole body. "It wasn't all you, you were right, I knew how hard it was for you to let me in, and I should have-"

I cut her off. "No. This is my emotional baggage. I'm a mess. I'm neurotic, insecure and jealous. I wish I wasn't…I…" I crouched down so that we were at eye level and took her hand, relieved that she didn't pull away. "I'll admit that I don't always know what the hell I'm doing, I'm not good at this, but I'm trying. Rachel, you are the best thing that ever happened to me and I don't think I could bear it if my craziness ruined us."

The brunette smiled. "I always knew that you were highly strung, Quinn, from that first day. Funnily enough, it's what I love about you. I love how deeply you feel, how much you care. You approach everything with your whole heart, it's messy, but it's also beautiful."

I sniffed, failing to blink back fresh tears. "I don't deserve you." I choked out.

"Maybe not, but you've got me. I tried to tell you this afternoon, this is for keeps, the real thing, and I'm not planning on going anywhere."

She leant forward and pulled me onto her lap, curling her legs around mine and pinning me there. In spite of the differences in stature we fit rather comfortably like that and I felt her grinning into the kiss that I wasted no time in initiating. I had come to talk, but non-verbal communication always seemed to work better so I let my body speak for me. I trusted that I could infuse the kiss with everything that I stumbled over verbally. We stayed like that for a long time, entwined, breaking apart only to snatch urgent breaths in order to temporarily pacify the burning sensation in our lungs. Prior to this, I had never really understood how people could just kiss and make up. Santana and Brittany were always rowing and then making out. The Latina always said that there was a thin line between anger and passion, which was her reasoning behind the appeal of make-up sex. It wasn't like that with Rachel. Kissing her wasn't a quick fix or a hormone surge to me. In her arms I finally comprehended what it really meant. It was a connection and I wanted to say like that forever. However, the brunette pulled away, bring me back down to earth and reminding me why I was actually there. "We need to finish our conversation." Rachel urged breathlessly at last.

Reluctantly I got up and moved to the couch, guiding the brunette alongside me by the hand. I wasn't willing to sever all contact. "Okay, so I'll admit that the time frame of all this hurt me. It was all a bit close for comfort and it touched a nerve, but I think I understand that this wasn't exactly a conventional set-up." I replied tentatively.

Rachel shrugged. "When do I ever do conventional?" She turned to me then, her expression serious. "I mean it, Quinn. I want to tell you everything. I don't want to paper over the cracks only for things to fester and get worse next time." I nodded because although her attempts at frankness had blown up in the brunette's face earlier, deep down that was what all I had ever wanted too. Rachel noticed and smiled. "Ask me anything."

I thought hard for a moment, pondering how deeply I dared to dig. My mind was formulating all kinds of ugly questions, mostly based on jealousy. I silenced the green eyed monster that was rearing in the forefront of my mind once more. This was my chance and I wasn't going to squander it. I plumped for the question that had been smouldering behind my eyes for hours. "Was she the first girl that you…? I mean, did you know that you liked girls before her? Or…" I had to know if Lena was the catalyst in Rachel's coming out story.

Rachel shook her head. "Oh Quinn, is that what you were so scared of. It wasn't like that. None of the 'brave new world' stuff. Lena showed me a lot of things, but I can assure you that I was already comfortable with my sexual orientation before I ever met her." I didn't know if hearing the truth laid out bare like that made it better or worse, but at least it was a step forward in banishing the idealistic image I had been harbouring. The more Rachel said about Lena, the less romantic it all seemed. I was suddenly glad that this girl didn't get to have that claim over Rachel. My girlfriend took in my solemn face with a laugh, misinterpreting my expression. "I thought you'd be pleased that your overly romantic imaginings had been proved untrue. Yet you're staring at me like I just kicked a puppy." Clearly she hadn't forgotten my false impression about her having a boy and girl in every state and had taken it more to heart that I intended.

"That's not why I'm upset. It's just; you are so in touch with yourself, so assured. It's kind of intimidating. You make me feel like a lost little girl, as though I am playing catch up to you all the time." I blurted out. I regretted it slightly when I detected the sadness that flared in Rachel's gaze. _I'm sorry._ _God, I sound like such a bitch. _This was why I didn't trust words, they distorted from my brain to my jaw, coming out wrong. I didn't want her to take the things I had said as being bitter or resentful so I opened my mouth to make amends. Rachel jumped in, speaking first.

"It's okay. Don't apologise, I understand. I didn't mean to make you feel like that, not for one second, but I can't change what has already happened." She exhaled noisily, massaging her temples as though that action would smooth out her jumbled thoughts. I could relate my mind was racing at a similar speed. It was evident that there was a great deal to discuss, on Rachel's side at least. I watched it building up inside of her, holding my tongue because she undoubtedly needed to purge this and say her piece. "You see, I have that effect on people, and you aren't the first person to say so. I've been travelling around the world since before I learned to walk, always moving. It was a restless existence. My dads' worked a lot so I was left to find my way mostly alone and experience all these new things. I don't regret that, it's been amazing; though, the one drawback is that it has made me older than my years. You know when we first met, and I told you that I wasn't much of a party animal; well truthfully, it's more that I had gotten fed up of that whole scene. I feel like all the normal adolescent benchmarks passed me by too soon, like I've already done all the things that my peers are only just discovering. Can you be world-weary at 17?"

I squeezed her hand and lent my head into her shoulder in a gesture of comfort until I was convinced that I had gotten her smiling again. I realised that I had been more unfair than I had previously considered, blinkered. I had been quick to lament how hard it was for me to let people in, and I didn't stop to think how difficult it must have been for Rachel to even contemplate forming attachments to people knowing that it could all be so temporary. _She just throws herself into everything._ I was aware that she was fearless, and as a consequence I had assumed that it was effortless, but the brunette was showing me that wasn't strictly the case. _I guess we're both seeing different sides of each other today._

"Then I met you and that feeling went away. So I don't want to sound patronising but please don't be in such a rush to grow up. You won't be 17 forever, and you'll probably never feel like this again, the good or the bad. Hold onto it, for as long as you can." I kissed her again, before pressing my lips lightly against her closed eyelids in the hope that I could revive her tired brown orbs and make them sparkle. It had been a long day. We lay on the couch together, both of us contemplating everything that had happened.

"I have another question." I whispered after a considerable pause. "If that's alright." I added as an afterthought after regarding her slumped shoulders. We both urgently needed sleep, the earlier anger and crying had exhausted us, but I couldn't settle yet. There was one more thing weighing on me.

She sat up, smirking and rolled her eyes in a way that signified that the 'ask me anything' card was still available to play. Although, before I could voice my concern she launched into rambling. "Is it about the fact that my first same sex experience wasn't with who you thought, because that was just some girl from boarding school and-" I put my finger to her lips, silencing her before she could share extra information that I could safely do without. The spirit of our newfound honesty only extended so far. I didn't think I was ready to hear about her first time with a girl, especially after what I had been planning. There was only so many ex girlfriends that I could handle in one day.

"No, it's not. I remembered that you said that she was the one who ended things and I wondered what happened. I have to know, what was the thing that finally severed the ties between you two for good?"

Rachel's mood darkened. "She cheated on me. She had sex with a girl from my dance school at least once that I'm aware of. I didn't ask if it had happened before but I firmly believe that she engineered it so that I would walk in and find them together that time. The look on her face, it wasn't a coincidence, it couldn't have been and there were roses which meant she knew I was coming…" Pain bloomed in my chest as I thought of the petals I had at home. I'd nearly scattered them and I didn't even want to contemplate how the sight might have made the brunette feel. _It all harks back to roses. _They were rapidly becoming my most detested flower in the light of this development.

"That's horrible." I remarked, pulling Rachel closer.

"Yeah well, I tried to tell you, she wasn't a nice person in the end. Who am I kidding, she never was. I'm just relieved that I came out of the other side. That part of my life was…" She faltered. The girl looked so broken that I couldn't blame her any longer from wanting to escape from that piece of her history. It dawned on me that it wasn't just me she was shielding from this, but herself too. "I was at rock bottom." She stammered, confirming my theory. I scooped her up tightly into the safety of my arms and stroked her hair without thinking. It had always worked for calming me.

"It's okay." I was confident that it would be. I'd had a glimpse of what it would be like to lose Rachel and I was determined that nothing like that would even come close to happening again.

"I love you." She responded, the words somewhat muted, buried as she clung to me.

"I know, and I love you too, more than anything." I retorted, still stroking her hair.

"Don't forget it."

"I couldn't even if I wanted to." I knew that I'd never be far from her anymore, no matter what. The hours after we'd fought felt like days. That was why neither of us were surprised that I'd been led back to her door so soon. After all, I'd always gravitated towards her, hadn't I? And now as my girlfriend, Rachel Berry was my world. That world had been re-angled a little in the wake of what I'd discovered, but if anything it was for the better. I was beginning to gather a deeper understanding of what lay within those brown eyes. Rachel was truly letting me in.


	25. Chapter 25

**I'm so sorry for the delay; real life has really been kicking my ass lately. I hope that the length and fluffiness of this chapter makes up for the wait. I felt like after the drama of the last few chapters, some happy faberry interaction was needed and this is what came of that idea.**

**Plus, it was nice to peel away another little segment of the complex character that is Quinn Fabray. I have a bit of a weakness for the notion of secret geek Fabray, and girls in glasses are very hot, so I just couldn't stop myself. I don't think anything I have written earlier on in the story contradicts this, so apologises if I missed anything that does.**

The first thing I did when I got home was collect the bag of rose petals from their hiding place and sling them into the waste paper basket beside my desk. I threw them hard and pressed them down with the sole of my shoe, relishing the crunching sound and how therapeutic the action proved to be. I savoured the destruction for a moment before taking the liner to the trash, although it was less than half-full. _If I never see another rose again, it might be too soon_, I lamented as I wandered back through the kitchen.

I had been reluctant to leave Rachel's house, I was always was, but this time the feeling was more intense. I'd come so close to losing her and I just wanted to hold her forever, until I was sure that she felt safe with me again. In any case, it was no great surprise that we awoke curled up on the couch, but what happened next was unusual and also ensured that breakfast had the potential to be a very awkward affair. Sometime after falling asleep we had been discovered and tucked in my either one or both of her dads, which sounds like a very sweet gesture, and would have been, if it had ended there, but that wasn't the case. When the brunette peeled off the blanket, she discovered a sticky backed Polaroid of us in an unconventional sleeping position attached to the wool fibres. Underneath, the caption read, _**one for the album? I'm glad you two made up, sweetie, love you xxx**_

I blushed as my gaze lingered over the photograph, but Rachel found the whole situation hilarious. I had to admit that it was quite funny to see the tiny brunette captured portraying the big spoon as we huddled together in deep sleep.

"At least there are no bad feelings." I replied with a smile. I was genuinely relieved; the last thing I wanted was to be the cause of bad feeling amongst the Berry's.

"My dads' adore you, Quinn." Rachel guaranteed, her laughter quickly dying away as she pulled me into a tight hug.

"Do they do this a lot, the spontaneous and embarrassing Polaroid's?" I thought back to the time we almost were caught out, if not for a locked door, and my face flushed crimson again. _God, I hope not _my inner voice finished, in lieu of a response from the brunette.

Finally my girlfriend nodded, grinning as she picked up on my train of thought. "Whenever the opportunity presents itself yes, actually this one is actually pretty tame. They usually capture me at my most mortifying, especially when alcohol is a contributing factor." The girl grimaced. "I think that their little collection mostly serves as something to blackmail me with, useful for keeping their wayward daughter in line, that kind of thing. I never have learnt my lesson and hidden the camera, or better yet, turned it against them, more fool me."

I smirked, raising my eyebrow. "What does a girl have to do to catch a glimpse of the rest of these?" Rachel scowled, hitting me on the shoulder as I rejoiced at the mental images provided by this idea, but I persisted. "I mean it; I bet some of them are really juicy."

"They are really not, believe me. They are awful. I just thank God, that both of the Berry men are both blissfully ignorant of facebook." I sniggered at the possibilities, unable to bite my tongue, and she shot daggers at me. "Don't even think about it, Quinn Fabray."

"Cross my heart." I remarked as earnestly as I could manage. I struggled to keep a straight face as I did my best Girl Guide's salute. _We better pray that Santana never finds out about this._ Rachel pouted for a while, but I distracted her by peppering gentle kisses across her jaw line, knowing that she couldn't stay annoyed for long under these circumstances. Eventually the sound of her contented giggles in my ear began to drive me crazy and I drew her in for a proper kiss, not caring about morning breath or anything other factors. It all ceased to matter, I saw only her. I certainly didn't suspect that we had an audience.

"Ahem, morning girls." Hiram and Leroy chirped in unison. It seemed to me that they had timed the intrusion so that it occurred in the exact instant that the kiss deepened and my tongue massaged their daughter's. The sound of them speaking was like a bucket of freezing cold water being dashed against my face. I jumped out of my skin, all too aware of the way my hand was comfortably resting under Rachel's t-shirt. I removed it quickly, with all the finesse of those guys you see failing spectacularly to do that impressive trick involving the tablecloth. I noticed Rachel's neck flush, which helped my own nerves a little, but nevertheless I was unable to stop myself from stepping backwards so fast that I almost fell. All I could think was that I had been caught red handed with my hand in the cookie jar. Parents have the worst timing in the world; you can quote me on that.

I winced as both Mr Berry's appeared to focus solely on my awkwardness. "It's lovely to see you back, Quinn." Leroy added after a moment. I nodded, keeping my head bowed so that my curls masked my face, utterly humiliated and left flustered once again at the skilful hands of Mr Berry.

"Thanks, I should, uh, be going now." I managed to retort, stammering nervously as I continued to trip over myself. I had never felt more inept in my life. Clearly, I was handling this all wrong, though I was powerless to prevent the circle from happening. In spite of everything Rachel had tried to do, multiple times, to convince me that her parents were cool, I remained a gibbering wreck during circumstance like these. I couldn't get used to this level of banter, which only seemed to encourage her dads'. I couldn't really blame them either, I was an easy target. Rachel wasn't much help either, bemused that former Queen Bee, the all powerful, Quinn Fabray would be reduced to this, but thankfully she didn't give me a hard time, two Berry's were more than enough to have on my case right then.

"Well, there's a lot to get ready before your parents' arrival." The brunette volunteered good-naturedly as I all but fled from the room. "Call me." She mouthed with a grin as I reached the front door.

"I will. I love you."I whispered. Her grin stretched and I could tell she was overjoyed that it was getting easier for me to say those words in front of others. That wasn't why I said them though; I spoke the three words because they felt truer than ever. It never failed to catch me off guard that every time I thought my feelings for the girl had reached a pinnacle, the emotions expanded to fill yet another part of me.

"Me too." The way she said that, conveying so much in two simple words, killed me. That was occupied my mind as I made my way home and what compelled me in my first task. I had made up my mind to get rid of the flowers long before, but this just compounded the fact that I didn't want to waste a second. I knew that just being aware of them in their hiding place would sour my mood and I didn't want that, everything else could wait. Job done all too soon though, I now wished I hadn't been so hasty in leaving Rachel. _What do I do now?_

Suddenly I thought of the perfect distraction from all the cleaning I should have been doing or the pile of homework gathering dust on my desk. I went to my parent's room at once, even though doing so caused me to shudder violently. Being there when I shouldn't be made me feel strangely unsettled, amplifying the general dislike I had for sharing my parents' personal space. The room was cold and sterile, like the rest of the house, but there was an inherent lifelessness within that the other rooms lacked, and it was without even a whisper of personality. Worse still, I felt like I was being watched and judged despite being quite obviously alone. I raced to the closet to find what I needed so that I didn't have to linger. _Enough is enough. _The dusty cardboard box was heavier than it looked, and as I carried it to my room, I was anxious that all the contents might fall out of the bottom, making the few steps across the hallway laborious. Regardless, I was sure it would be worth the trouble if I found what I was hoping for. Without delay, I began dragging out the albums whilst simultaneously sifting through the loose photos that had escaped the bindings. _Don't rush. _It was hard not to, I had a specific picture in mind and none of the others would do. I intended to find it before the exercise got tedious and I gave up.

As a result, I forced myself to ignore the stilted posed portraits and cherub cheeked baby snaps. I poured over the pages, I started to worry that the photo I was looking for had been conveniently 'misplaced' by my mother. I heard her voice in my ear, clear as a bell. _Only the best photos make the album, Quinnie._ That was most certainly true, but in this case, I didn't want the best, I craved exactly the opposite. My heart sank as I dove deeper into the cardboard treasure chest and found no trace of the event in question, and I began to lose hope.

"Why can't my parents' be more like Rachel's dads'?" I muttered, brushing away a stray cobweb that had decided to make a new home for itself on my shirt, the strands clung stubbornly and I cursed, only milliseconds from abandoning my plan. Luckily, that was when I found it, right at the bottom, bent and curled at the corners. The sight soothed my frayed temper and I sighed in relief that it had been spared my overbearing mother's ruthless quest for the idyllic. Smiling manically, I messaged my girlfriend.

**I know it's not the same, but maybe letting you see this will even the score for earlier…**I held up the image and snapped it with my phone camera. It attached easily with the touch of a button, and underneath I added. **Now show me yours? ;)** Then I hit send. While I waited for a reply, I stuffed the albums back into the box and secured them back into the dark corner where they would undoubtedly stay. The Fabrays weren't the biggest fans of nostalgic trips down memory lane. I'm not sure why, but the picture in question however, I kept out. I fixed it onto the back of my door where it could easily be seen wherever I chose to sit in the room. The act likely served as a reminder, and more than that, as a mini-rebellion against the impersonal cream walls. I don't know entirely, yet I enjoyed thinking of it as a little 'fuck you' to the regime I was stuck living in.

Rachel's response to my revelation came quickly. **Is this really you?**

I reached for my keypad. ** The one and only…**

The message had barely been received and the brunette was calling me. I picked up on the first ring. "Wow, Quinn, I had no idea-"

"That your badass girlfriend was really such a geek?" I countered, turning my gaze fondly back to the photograph. I could remember the exact moment it was taken, my sister had been given a new camera for her birthday, amongst other things, and whilst she quickly tired of the majority of her gifts, the camera had a lasting appeal. There were days when I thought it was permanently attached to her eye socket, and naturally, like everything back then, Frannie used it as an instrument of torture. She just loved to torment me, and knowing how self-conscious I was as a shy 13 year old that hadn't yet discovered rock music, contact lenses or hair products, taking me unawares on film was a logically cruel game to play. I mostly learnt to avoid her or managed to destroy the evidence fairly swiftly, however a few mementos of that time slipped through the net.

To me, until rather more recently that I would care to admit, that one slightly blurry image of a younger Quinn Fabray, peering owlishly at the lens, caught mid clumsy, ill-rehearsed dance step, alone in her bedroom, had seemed more embarrassing than a thousand naked baby photos. You see, I'd been conditioned to distance myself from that girl, to be ashamed of her. I'd not yet realised that the perfection my parents chased didn't exist and that they were wrong to project their unrealistic aspirations onto me. I was so naïve and eager to please that I bought their lies and banished that girl, changed her to fit the mould everyone else found acceptable. That was my fate, until the arrival of Rachel Berry into my life sparked an epiphany, the real me didn't have to be relegated to secrets and shadows, released in occasional bursts. I could just be me. I could find that girl in the picture again.

I could almost hear Rachel's grimace through the phone. She hated it when I tried to be self-deprecating. "You were not, and never will be, anything other than beautiful."

"Thanks, Rach."

She continued as I beamed at the compliment. "Anyway, I was going to say, before your interruption, that I had no idea you wore glasses."I groaned, all the taunts and nicknames I'd endured, vivid in my consciousness.

"Yep, since I was a kid."

The brunette couldn't keep the bewilderment out of her voice. "I don't understand how I could have missed this. We've studied together, woken up together, partied all night. I've never even seen you putting in contacts…"

I ran my fingers through my hair with a shrug that she couldn't see. I spoke as though it was obvious, because to me, it was. "It's not something I'm keen to advertise." I mumbled. At the height of my popularity, admitting a weakness like that would have been akin to signing my own death certificate. Even now that I had stepped away from that tainted limelight, the stigma of being a four-eyed loser was hard to shake.

Rachel was incredulous. "Why not, I think it's sexy." I imagined her face, grateful that she couldn't see mine. I tried not to blush. "You don't still have a pair by any chance, do you? Her voice had taken on a seductive, breathy lilt, but for once, I detected no undertone of sarcasm. _She isn't teasing._ Hot and bothered by the unanticipated effect that this news seemed to having on the brunette, I made some indistinguishable noise, my eyes travelling to my bedside cabinet of their own accord.

"Maybe." I choked out, smirking at the black wide-rimmed spectacles that were lying unseen within touching distance if I cared to wear them, which I rarely did, except under the confines of these four walls. It occurred to me that I had miraculously gained the upper hand, which coincidently never happened; therefore I had no choice but to exploit my opportunity. "Rachel Berry, I don't believe it, do you have a thing for girls in glasses?"It was my turn to be faintly mocking and I milked it for all it was worth.

"So what if I do, it's a perfectly reasonable-" I cut her off before she could commence a full-blown rant.

"I'll remember that." I remarked smugly.

"Quinn? Could you maybe…I mean, would you be willing to…uh…model them for me sometimes." I sniggered at her bashfulness. It was a side of the girl that I hadn't seen before and I adored it.

"That depends, I guess." I remarked, pausing. It gave me a thrill to wield a little power, especially since I could hear her erratic breathing on the other end of the phone line, encouraging me to be naughty. "You have to make a choice and that decision is, what is it worth to you."

"What do you want?"

I didn't miss a beat. "That's easy; I want a peek at the Berry wall of shame. The photos, Rach, you have to show me." With that, I hung up, savouring my small victory as I left her to ponder what I had suggested. Ironically, holding the brunette to ransom hadn't been part of my initial plan. I'd intended to make her feel better about her dads' style of blackmail, but somehow, this had happened, and I wasn't sorry that it had.

As suspected, I didn't have to wait long for my answer. The text, when it came was only one word long. **Deal.**

That night as I settled down to sleep, I glimpsed the photo before rolling over. I smiled because it had become more than a symbol of distain for the way things were, it emphasised how things were at present, and the way they could continue to be. That picture told me once more that Rachel Berry wasn't like the masses. She wasn't a girl with one dimensional desires or shallow tastes and in actual fact, it was the traits that I thought would turn her off that drew her in further. She fascinated me. This girl was willing to love and accept every version of me, and that picture was my everlasting proof. I wouldn't forget again in a hurry how blessed I was.


	26. Chapter 26

**Here I am again with another update. I'm trying to finish up this story quicker since I am currently swamped by ongoing fics, so you shouldn't have epic waits between chapters. That can only be a good thing, right? **

**This wasn't what I had originally planned for the chapter, but then I remembered that Mama Fabray still wasn't back, and I felt that I needed to remedy that. Then, all the angst started raining down. I did try and soften the blows with some faberry goodness though, so I hope you forgive me.**

In the days that followed the photos and revelations, I quickly adapted and became comfortable with unveiling my geeky alter-ego. It wasn't easy, but it helped that my parents weren't home yet and I had a lot of further incentive to embrace the change, in the form of my gorgeous girlfriend and her relentless encouragement. Therefore, it was almost unavoidable that during my waking hours at home my glasses were never off and it was no longer second nature to slip in my contacts. If truth be told, it was becoming a chore and I was working up the courage to forsake them all together, I just needed another Rachel Berry shaped nudge. Not that she hadn't been attempting to persuade me of the merits of this new look during any moment we had spent together since my secret came out, but it was just that I couldn't get enough of her very special methods. As a result, I'd be lying if I didn't admit to playing down how much thought I had already given to being myself at school. I couldn't help it, it was amusing to get under her skin and make her think she had work for it, especially when I reaped the rewards.

"I think you should outline your leading arguments again." I murmured breathlessly, squirming as she straddled me and I was pinned to the couch. Her strength, fuelled by desire, was surprising, and I doubted I could have resisted even if I had wanted to. She dismantled my loose bun, tearing at hair pins until my curls came free, her fingers twisting in the blonde waves as she grasped the back of my neck and steered my mouth to hers. She kissed me fiercely, stealing my giggles. It didn't feel like a game anymore, but if it was, she had definitely won. I was glad that I was already seated since my knees would have struggled to hold me in that instant. I felt like I had swallowed liquid fire. Her hands were roaming freely now, making my head swim.

"You are so fucking sexy." She purred, tugging at the buttons on my shirt impatiently, her lip curling in annoyance when they wouldn't comply fast enough. Rachel rarely swore, and hearing the word, coupled with the husk of her voice, unravelled me more. She pressed her ear to my lips to catch every syllable of the moan that escaped, relishing it before moving to trace the ink across my skin. I often wondered if she would spend hours caressing the tattoo if I let her, she simply couldn't stop herself. Not that I minded. It was as if she still didn't dare to believe it was real. "I can't believe you're mine." It was a cracked whisper, heavy with emotion. I would normally protest to the idea of ownership, but with Rachel, her slight possessiveness was just another facet to adore. Besides, I was no hypocrite, and it was a trait I shared after all. I had singled her out as belonging to me in those early days when Puck was sniffing around, hadn't I? So I grinned, my muscles jumping as her fingertips flickered lightly across my bare skin.

"Rachel…" I began; my eyes alight as I tilted my head to gesture in the direction of the staircase. That was as far as I got however, the rest of my proposition died in my mouth as I was silenced by the recognisable sound of my dad's jeep. _Shit. Why now? _Nevertheless, in spite of the annoyance, I thanked my lucky stars that he had purchased such a gas guzzler with a loud engine, calmed by the success of the warning system. I disentangled myself from my girlfriend indelicately with a sigh and hastily made sure that there wasn't as much as a single button out of place. I watched as the brunette clicked the TV off mute and the noises of some inane reality show filled the room. I shot her a look of thanks at the exact moment that the key turned in the lock.

"Quinnie, are you home?"

"I'm in the den, daddy." I retorted, trying to overlook how strangled my response sounded. Rachel smirked, both at the nickname and my discomfort, but didn't comment. He appeared with my mother at his heels, already deep in conversation about the state of the house and the pile of bills and various other topics that were of no concern to me.

He surveyed the haphazard scene and turned his attention back to me. "I'm glad to see that you haven't suffered for company in our absence. It's Rachel, isn't it?" She dutifully got up and extended her hand, which my dad shook stiffly. I could detect that he had been caught off guard that I wasn't alone, but he didn't show it aside from a minuscule clench of his jaw that I had long ago learned to look out for. Nobody else in the room noticed, and he smiled broadly at the brunette. _Charming to a fault. _I pictured him schmoozing all the non-entities at work and hoped he didn't see her like that. I didn't want Rachel to just be tolerated, swept up in his act and I prayed he would have the good grace to tone it down.

"Yes sir, Rachel Berry." Out of the corner of my eye I witnessed my mother glowering and took a deep breath in an effort to stem my rage. "Your daughter and I were just doing some last minute studying for our history exam. I apologise for the mess, whilst I find that flashcards are an invaluable tool, alas they don't create themselves." My father nodded and I exhaled, amazed by her off-the cuff explanation and the way that it seemed to pacify the man.

My mother, on the other hand, wasn't fooled. She tutted, not loud enough for my father to hear, but detectable at any rate, I ignored the sound. I wasn't perturbed, after all she had memorised my class schedule since the third grade so she was likely to see through the lie. It didn't matter so long as my father didn't. Judy Fabray didn't trouble me, our little altercation before she left would mean that she would be on her best behaviour. Whilst that didn't necessarily equal that we would all be able to leave unscathed, it gave me some leeway. Regardless, I couldn't afford to underestimate her and put myself in the firing line. "It's my fault, when you said you weren't coming back for a few more days, I assumed-" my dad shrugged off my words with a disinterested wave of his hand.

"That was the plan, but you know your mother, once she gets a bee in her bonnet." Rachel and I smiled politely. The woman in question stepped forward with a frozen smile.

"All I said was that I felt we'd left you alone long enough." She kept her tone light and breezy but I saw through it. She chuckled and it sent a shiver through me. "I missed my youngest daughter, is that a crime?" Everybody shook their heads, still smiling. My jaw was beginning to ache. The hug that followed was the most awkward thing I had ever endured, which is saying a lot in light of everything that has happened in my life to date. I actually counted the seconds _1,2, 3, 4,_ until I could break away, all the while, picturing myself grabbing Rachel's hand and running far away. The brunette picked up on my tension, it was impossible not to, and I couldn't blame her for wanting to flee Dudley Road as fast as she could. It was safer for her anyway, so I let her go when she made her excuses to leave. She did have somewhere valid to be anyway, so it's not like she was cutting and running.

The only thing that hurt was the inevitably hostile reactions I would have to deflect once she was gone. I braced myself, but my father's tact was remarkably gentle. He spoke up only moments after I lead Rachel out; I was still standing in the doorway. "It's nice to see you keeping on top of your studies, I was concerned that we'd come home to folly, or at least slothfulness." He pointed back towards the TV that was still on in the living room as he said this with a sly smile across his face and I grimaced at this oversight. "I meant what I said, Quinn, woe betides you if your grades have gone down even a point this semester. Whether your mother and I are here or not, this school year has to be your top priority." I kept my mouth shut and nodded, grateful that he had focused in on my perceived failings in place of passing judgement over Rachel. That was his final words on the issue.

However, I wasn't so blessed with my mother, she pulled me into the kitchen the first chance she got, eager to spout her angry bile. "You neglected to mention that the girl was a tattooed freak!" The hushed volume made it worse somehow, as if Rachel was a dirty secret, and my mother didn't want her mouth sullied by the act of talking about her. I'd kept quiet for so long that my temper ran away with me, the red mist of my fury taking hold.

"You're calling her a freak, really, that's rich. You're a goddamn robot!" I snapped back without thinking. My outburst was rewarded with another first, a stinging slap across the cheek. My mother had hit me. I was stunned. I started walking away before things could escalate further, but the woman wasn't done. She stopped me in my tracks.

"Is that what these are for?" I spun around bewildered. I had no idea what she meant, having completely forgotten that I was still wearing my glasses. "I don't understand you, Quinn, we give you every privilege and you're content to throw it back in our faces and associate with _those_ kinds of people. That mohawked boy was bad enough, but now…Look, I know you thought was unaware of you sneaking out at night with him, but I'm not clueless." I opened my mouth to defend the people that she called immoral misfits, but I saw only as friends, yet she closed me down before I could blink. I was still reeling from the slap and the words felt a million times harsher. It was all too much to bear; everything was coming to a head, all at once. "It's ridiculous; they treat their imperfections as badges of honour." She sneered. "Is that the type of girl you want to be?"

_YES, _I wanted to yell. _At least that's real. People are flawed; deal with it. _In any case, what I actually said was, "Diversity is something to be celebrated." I tried to reason. I was cautious that I had to defuse the situation, not provoke it. "Why can't you just accept me?" I added, exasperated, and feeling worn down. I was fighting a losing battle, that much was clear, but I wasn't just going to storm off like a child. I needed to at least attempt to resolve this, for my own sanity if nothing else. _Screaming at her won't help_ I told myself repeatedly.

It was useless. She wasn't even listening, not fully, not the way I wanted. "I'm not saying you have to conform in every way, I let you dye your hair this summer, didn't I? I bought you those hideous clothes, but it's gone far enough, maybe if I'd put my foot down sooner, you wouldn't be…"

"Gay, I wouldn't be a lesbian, go ahead you can say it, you won't burn in hell just for saying the words."

My mother blanched, shrinking away from me. "Stop this, you're 17 years old, you have no idea who you're going to be, what you'll want, even a year from now."

"No, YOU have no idea who I'm going to be or what I want. That's the problem here, I'm perfectly fine with who I am right now." It was my turn and I stared her down as she tried to interrupt. "It makes sad to think that whoever I become, it won't be good enough for you, but I'm done, as of now, I'm sick of fighting and banging my head against a brick wall trying to please you."

The door slammed with a finality that undoubtedly shook us both. I was at a loss, Rachel had gone for dinner with her dads' and I had no idea where, even if I'd been keen to show up at a restaurant blinded by tears. I could have called her but I didn't want to ruin her evening and watch her drop everything for my drama. She had done that often enough. As an alternative, I sought my second refuge. The Latina glimpsed my weariness and recognised the battle-scars that only parents are capable of inflicting. She welcomed me in.

"Judy finally flipped her lid?" I didn't ask how she knew, Santana was more perceptive that she seemed and she had managed to scrape together various pieces information regarding my fucked up family dynamic over the years of our friendship. It was entirely possible that she had swiped my file from the school office once upon a time. She knew how volatile both my parents were, and was also sufficiently astute to be able to figure out that if my father had blown a gasket I wouldn't be standing here, or anywhere in all likelihood. I nodded grimly, collapsing into her soft armchair and letting it cradle me. "It was bad." It wasn't a question, but I nodded again anyway, the tears already falling.


	27. Chapter 27

**If you take nothing else from this story, take my advice, and watch **_**Heathers **_**if you haven't already seen it. Honestly, it's such a good film and fits perfectly into my headcannon for my version of Quinn within this story and I can totally imagine her relating to it considering that she was stuck being a popular girl whilst secretly hating everything that they stood for and wanting an escape. **

**Also, I couldn't resist some mild Finn bashing at the beginning because it has been such a long time and his 'heroics' in the finale really irritated me. He is neither a hero nor a saint and I'm so tired of the writers painting him like that. Anyway, enough about that, just enjoy the new update.**

"My offer still stands." The Latina whispered softly. I tore my glance away from the flat screen mounted on the wall. We'd been curled up on her couch with warm buttery popcorn to watch _Heathers_ and I was predictably, utterly absorbed from start to finish. I wasn't the type of girl to take refuge in standard chick flicks, in fact, the prospect of sitting through 90 minutes of a generic romantic comedy made me want to poke my eyes out. My first date with Finn had consisted of being spoon-fed the rehashed flawed hero gets the girl plotline and I was so bored rigid and began to fabricate alternative stories in my head just to get through it. In most the hero met a gristly death and the girl discovered that feminism was more than just a word, but anyway, the point is that I couldn't stand most Hollywood fodder. Alarm bells should have rung from the moment we sat down in those theatre seats, especially when my boyfriend had expressed a desire to be an actor. I hadn't wanted to see it, but our blatant incompatibility was striking from day 1. _You dodged a bullet, Lucy Q. _I was glad that my memory could be jogged about something to be grateful for; it was nice to see that even in the mess I was now in, things could have been a lot worse for me.

Actually, I couldn't believe that I was that same girl from that day to this, and often I wanted to pinch myself. Particularly since the act of looking out of the window highlighted that the city landmarks and the people walking the streets had stayed mostly the same. _On the one hand, so little time has passed, yet it feels like I have lived two lifetimes, both the nightmarish and the near idyllic. _I still had to take refuge in lies; however they meant I had Rachel. These lies permitted me freedom rather than reinforcing the bars of my cage, therefore I could see light at the end of the tunnel. There was still a long way to go, but was more myself than I had previously dreamed of being, and I savoured that progress.

My friend nudged me back into the present. I smiled at her, once again expressing my gratitude that she had put my favourite film into the DVD player without asking. The other girl knew exactly what I needed; rendering words unnecessary and it didn't hurt to be reminded of our closeness now. Santana was aware that, although the movie was probably considered dated and didn't have a traditionally uplifting plot; it had been at the top of my immediate go-to list for a long time, residing there from the first watch. It didn't matter to either of us that I had long ago memorised the script word for word and was able to anticipate what was happening on the screen, the truth was that if I needed to cheer up or unwind after a stressful day it was always my first choice, never failing to raise a smile. It had worked countless times, and it didn't fail me on that gloomy evening. Once again, in spite of everything, my tears had dried long before the credits rolled.

"You'll have to refresh my memory, in between nearly losing Rachel, and now this; I've had a lot on my mind lately." I muttered dryly, I knew what she meant; I was simply scared to think about the repercussions of her suggestion, even notwithstanding everything that had happened, the idea of actually living home was no less daunting than it would have been for any 17 year old girl. I wanted to leave, but on my terms, not be forced out by a witch hunt. I couldn't hide the truth from my mother, but my father finding out was still my deepest, darkest fear and I had to live every day acknowledging that with a single slip of either mine, or worse Judy's loose tongue, the sky could fall.

Santana rolled her eyes, not fooled for a second. "You know exactly what I'm talking about." I sighed, taking a long drawn out breath. It always came back to me having to discuss this, make plans that I was terrified to implement. It felt like there was nothing I could do to prepare myself for all of this. I'd been going over and over scenarios in my head with increased desperation from the moment my mother hit me, yet whatever way I played it I was set up to lose. So far as I could tell, I had two choices, I could either retreat back into Narnia, repress my feelings and deny my girlfriend, or step fully out, face my dad's wrath and contend with the possibility of being disowned and thereby homeless. _How do I fix this? _I had no answer. My resignation flowed out unchecked. It scared me how defeated I sounded.

"You have no clue how tempting that sounds, and to be honest, if I could I'd draw up a petition for your parents to adopt me immediately I'd do it in a heartbeat, but since that is about as realistic as a snowstorm in July, I have to face up to the small problem of how I would even begin to explain my absence to my dad if I left." As I spoke, it struck me that he, on the other hand, was cursed with no such lack of options. He was graced with an abundance of opportunities, able to go down the avenue of the church, subjecting me to what was effectively brainwashing. Furthermore, I had to contend with the possibility that I could be forced to leave my school, home and therefore everyone I cared about behind. I had visions of being shut away in the manner of Rochester's wife, thought of as a shameful mistake, and equipped with nothing but a bible for company. All those thoughts made me shudder. I could feel the beginnings of a tension headache building at the base of my neck and I rubbed the spot helplessly.

"Fuck this, I'm calling Britts." Santana retorted angrily, in contrast, already dialling. "You can't deny that her ideas are the best." The rush of love I heard in her voice was unmistakable and my heart warmed regardless of my own woes. The Latina had a point in any case, Brittany's ideas, although infrequently forthcoming and very unorthodox, hadn't steered us wrong yet. "You should call Berry, you know, I mean she must be done with dinner by now. How long does it take to eat a pile of lentils and a lettuce leaf anyway?" I ignored her thinly veiled dig at Rachel's veganism. As fiercely protective of my girlfriend as I was, I didn't want to start a fight. I needed every ally, and more to the point, it was obvious that mutual antagonism was how the two girls' relationship operated. Santana's insults came from a place of love now.

"I don't know." I murmured, half to myself. I had received a couple of texts from the brunette checking in and I couldn't even begin to reply. _How could I sum up how broken everything was in just a few sentences?_ "I don't want to be that girl, the kind of girlfriend where everything is just 24-7 drama. We only just got back to a good place, it's too much. I can't drag her into this yet again."

Santana pursed her lips, troubled. "Things are okay between you two though, aren't they?" I could hear the lingering reticence in the other girl's tone and raced to reassure her. She'd been a great agony aunt but I didn't want her worrying about my relationship too, especially when that was one of the only things actually going right in my life.

"God yes, Rachel isn't the problem; she's amazing." I gushed, quickly unable to stop my mouth from running away from me. "Before my parents got back I was about to…" I trailed off suddenly, realising too late I was about to confide in the Latina about my sex life or lack thereof. I blushed at the thought of what I might have said if the brakes hadn't gone on, which caused the other girl to grin wolfishly. In the same instant my memories conjured up a vivid recollection of why we could talk candidly about any topic except for this and more colour flooded my cheeks. I'm not a prude; I'm just not Santana Lopez. Assorted snippets of conversation over the years from her and Brittany had been enough to provoke mental images that I could never un-see, and wasn't comfortable imagining my friends engaging in. _Some things should remain private for good reason. _I mused awkwardly.

The Latina wasn't put off by my discomfort. "Now you absolutely must spill, were you seriously just seconds away from unlocking your chastity belt! Wow, I never thought I'd see the day, and it gets better, interrupted by your parents, ouch!" She was literally overjoyed as I sulked. _I guess the touchy feely friendship time is over. _Santana wasn't done though. "Speaking of Mr and Mrs Fabray, I'd assumed that your genetics rendered you physically and psychologically incapable of pleasure, maybe you aren't entirely your father's daughter, after all."

I wasn't amused, comparisons to my parents, even in jest, weren't exactly favourable under normal circumstances and coupled with my less than tolerant mood; she was playing a dangerous game by taunting me. I snapped. "Just stop talking." I barked irritably. "Forget I even mentioned anything."

Somehow I refrained from violence and let the other girl indulge in a fit of giggles as she waited for the blonde to call her back. It was a well known fact that Brittany never picked up the first time, she was too easily distracted and always doing a million things at once. Santana and I habitually took bets on which random place she had left her phone from hour to hour, knowing that it could be hiding anywhere from the fridge to Lord Tubbioungton's playhouse.

"Seriously though, Q, call Rachel." The other girl urged when she had composed herself. I nodded, taking my cell phone from my pocket. For all her lack of tact, Santana was right and if I was honest there was nothing I wanted more than my girlfriend to hold me in her arms whether it was selfish or not. She, like Brittany and even the Latina in front of me, was somebody that I would always be glad to have in my corner. "Hey, maybe I should invite Puck over too, that way the whole gang can put their heads together." It was my turn to chuckle explosively. Whilst the boy was extremely supportive, he was also aggressively protective, like the brother I never had, and I could foresee his contribution being less than helpful. I didn't share with the girl that I pictured him offering to shove a rainbow flag up my father's ass in order to, 'loosen the man up'. I was scarily convinced that my imagination wouldn't be very wide of the mark and I wasn't sure how to feel about that scenario being made real.

"Leave it, I'm calling her." I replied, still smirking. However my finger hadn't even made contact with the button before my phone buzzed, startling us both. It wasn't my girlfriend texting me and my smile contorted into a grimace. Russell Fabray never phoned, he was far too busy for that. He left messages, spelled out carefully in considered language. The phrases were always overly formal with an underlying terseness that evoked his short temper, even in writing. I don't know if that was unique to his contact with me, because I'd always inconvenienced him by not being around when he expected me to, or whether it was destined to be that way regardless of whom you were. Life was one long business meeting and he approached it as such.

**Your mother and I both feel that it would be good to sit down for dinner as a family tonight. The table is set for 8 and she is going to the trouble of cooking so I'd appreciate it if you were prompt. **I cringed, grateful that his eyes weren't on me._ Better check it for poison, _I thought before scrolling down to read the remainder of the message. **Additionally, we have agreed that this time could be well spent with regards to a much-needed update about your schooling and schedules. **_Only home 5 minutes and already laying on the pressure and a guilt trip, well done, dad. _ I steeled myself for an attack masked as parental concern.

"I'm already getting straight A's, what more do they want?" I retorted, exasperated. My hair bore the brunt of my irritation as my fingers tore through it haphazardly. I dared not move right away in case I started pacing and was unable to stop.

Santana loomed over my shoulder, making a loud sound of annoyance in my ear as she read. "I'm guessing that Judy wishes that your grade point average wasn't the only thing that's straight about you." I ignored her temporarily and fired back the reply that I knew my father would be expecting, taking care that no short hand or slang crept in. I didn't want another unnecessary lecture about grammar and the way teenagers these days talk. They already had enough ammunition to fire at me that evening.

**Sorry, Santana needed some emergency tutoring before her big exam tomorrow. We're nearly done. I'll be home in 15 minutes.** I was bluffing, taking heed of how well Rachel's excuse had worked earlier. My dad was a sucker for anything studious and he loved to boast about how smart I was, so it was the perfect cover. I could see his smug smile when he opened his inbox as clearly as if he was sat next to me. I pressed send before I was tempted to add anything else, not wanting the conversation to drag out. Things got complicated when you had to expand on your lies, experience had taught me that.

The Latina turned to me. "Fuck, your mom is really is bringing out the big guns on this." Yet again she had a point. I couldn't remember the last time my mother had cooked. It was definitely a bad omen. Feeling like a lamb to the slaughter, I said my goodbyes to the Latina and headed for home.

I still hadn't contacted Rachel, and I knew I should, especially since the imposed 'radio silence' during dinner would only make her worry more, but before I was fully aware of it, my front door loomed. I had clearly walked the whole journey in a daze and now time had run out. I could hear Santana's voice in my head berating me for leaving my girlfriend in the dark, and I cursed my anxiousness. I had a tendency to resort to autopilot in times of stress and it had cost me my chance to talk to my girlfriend. I knew that without the connection to the brunette it was going to be a long night. I couldn't afford to worry about it anymore though; I had enough on my plate. It was going to near to impossible, locking eyes with my mother and having to keep my mouth shut. _One thing at a time, okay, Fabray. _Not that two or three things at a time were an option. I was struggling with the bare minimum, my head was such a mess that it was an effort to manage to remember to take out my phone. My intention was to silence it before I walked into the wall of raised voices that were already threatening to overload my frazzled senses, but I quickly reconsidered. My parents were rowing and I hadn't even walked in yet, it didn't bode with for the family bonding session. Pulling my cardigan more tightly around myself, I ignored the plan of concentrating solely on myself from that point and hurriedly typed 3 letters to spell out my frantic message. It was all I could do, I couldn't stall any longer. The screen flashed in the snatched seconds before the door opened and I was forced to let my lifeline snap shut and fall lifelessly into my pocket.


	28. Chapter 28

**Not much to say about this chapter really, I intended it as some fluffy faberry filler to downplay all the angst of late and lead into the next chapter which was supposed to be significant, but then this update wrote itself and eclipsed my plans. I'm never one to look a gift horse in the mouth and speedy updates are something to be grateful for me at the moment, so there you go. I hope you like it.**

To say that the family dinner was tense would be downplaying one of the most excruciating experiences of my life. Of course I wasn't expecting a delightful evening and I could never be naïve enough to think that it could even half-way compare to all the nights I had spent at the Berry's, but I hoped at least for some middle ground. I knew that my mother would never spontaneously burst into song across the mashed potatoes and my father would never have me in stitches with a humorous anecdote, and yet I hoped that maybe my family could rival Santana's, Puck's or even Finn's for the span of a few hours. _Is a little civil conversation or some tolerance too much to ask for? _In the Fabray household it clearly was. I spent the entire duration of the meal fielding my father's questions whilst also singlehandedly massaging his ego as a desperate distraction tactic and trying to minimise his suspicion masquerading as concern. If that wasn't enough of a trapeze act, I also kept one eye on my mother's glass, trying to monitor the levels. Silent prayers rang out, increasing in their urgency with every sip she took. I begged every higher power in existence to keep her mouth shut until the stress had me wishing for a full wine glass of my own.

The tension headache I had fought off earlier began to plague me in the middle of the second course, and every bolt of pain made my stomach twist until I could do little but push the food around my plate uselessly. _Just like the old days_. I thought, conjuring up every scraped plate and skipped meal. My father was clearly having similar thoughts and to appease him I forced another forkful of tasteless red meat into my mouth. I have never been singularly more grateful for a napkin than I was then, retching painfully against the cloth barrier, even if my saviour was shaped like a ridiculously deformed swan. I found it ironic that the table decoration was the only thing proper about this banquet, all other etiquette abandoned when the atmosphere became too thick for even seasoned pros like us to ignore. It escalated into an endurance test for us all. _Survival of the fittest_ I thought as my mother's head slumped. I myself was faring just as badly, leaving my dad suitably as the last man standing. "Can I please be excused?" I asked, not for the first time. My mother's slurred response was inaudible and that tipped my father over the edge. _She must have started early even by her standards. _He nodded stiffly and I took my opportunity for escape eagerly, not longer concerned about my duties of wrangling her or acting as a buffer between the warring pair. I had done all I could do and besides that, if I stayed any longer there was a danger that the table would be graced with a new and undesirable centrepiece thanks to my churning stomach.

My bedroom door hadn't even closed before I heard him yelling at her. I turned cranked my speakers up flooding the room with screaming guitars but it was a moment too late to swallow the noise of shattering glass. My temples throbbed in time to the familiar melody and as my vision swam I collapsed onto my bed to seek solace. Looking back, I still don't remember turning my phone on, perhaps the weight of me pressed against my pocket had worked in my favour, but regardless I heard it spring to life and took comfort in Rachel's voice in my ear. She was saying my name over and over. "Rachel…" I eventually croaked, my lips pressed close to the receiver. "I can't shut it out…" I whispered pleadingly, interrupting her with my frantic nonsense. "I need you." I added unashamedly_,_ hearing more questions and concerns from her in those few moments than I'd been exposed to over the duration that dinner had dragged on. I didn't hear most of her reply, lunging upwards just in time to reach my ensuite and spill my guts into the toilet bowl. The poison theory didn't seem so farfetched to me now. The brunette heard it all, as well as undoubtedly the backdrop of sounds from the continued Armageddon downstairs. I couldn't shield her from it and more than I could remove myself, but if she was fazed, she hid it well.

"I'll be at your window." She retorted resolutely when I reached for my phone again and I was reassured by the jangle of car keys in her hand. I was tempted to ask her to stay on the phone with me until she arrived but I was scared that I would either throw up again or start sobbing and I didn't want to distract her. I refused to let Rachel get into an accident because I couldn't wait a few more minutes to hear her voice.

I somehow managed to get the sill open even though my entire body seemed content to let me down. I was utterly out of sync, dizzy and trembling. Rachel had no such co-ordination problems; she sneaked in effortlessly, using the same route that I had used numerous times to sneak out. Only in hindsight would I reflect on the security surrounding my house being so consistently lax. It didn't appear a problem when it constantly worked in my favour and on that occasion, same as I had with Santana, I focused on the comfort, noticing only my girlfriend's strong arms as she pulled me from my huddle on the floor. "Let's get you out of here."

She made it sound so easy. "I'm not sure I can make it that way." I murmured unhappily, pressing my face against her shoulder as a shudder rippled through me. I felt barely steady enough to move at all. _We're trapped. _I had never felt more doomed. I wanted to cry at the hopelessness.

"Then, we'll go through the front door." Rachel stated quickly. I recognised the quiet determination in her voice and I hated that I would have to refute it.

"We can't-" I began. Nevertheless the brunette wasn't about to be dissuaded.

"Yes we can, a truck could reverse into that dining room and they'd be arguing too loudly to hear it." She took my hand, giving me a degree of her strength. "It'll be okay." As I got to my feet she caressed my hair lovingly, her eyes never straying from mine. "Can you walk? I couldn't risk leaving the car out front, but it isn't too far." I nodded as though I was totally unaffected by the request although my knees hadn't stopped shaking. The brunette observed this and gripped me tighter, her arms locked around my waist.

Rachel was right, as always. We slipped away undetected. The click of the car door unlocking was the sweetest sound and I let the soft upholstery engulf me as a substitute to her embrace. "Thank fuck." I rasped as my girlfriend buckled my seatbelt and I felt the engine roar to life. It must have taken every fibre of the brunette's being not to interrogate me during that drive. It made me love her more than ever that she didn't push, waiting for my pulse to stop skyrocketing. She shelved her queries and instead filled the vehicle's interior with soft reassurances and hushed encouragement. I squeezed her hand in lieu of a reply to any of it. Words were totally lost to me. I hoped that the gesture spoke of love, gratitude and relief and of feelings of safety rather than overwhelming fear, but I'm not sure what those brown eyes detected. The distress at the depths of them made me ache though, that I knew.

"I'm sorry." I whispered when she finally bundled me into her house, making an island for us on the couch. "I didn't mean to make you worry."

She hugged me. "Shhhh…I'm fine now that I know you're alright."

"Am I though? Alright I mean?" I had no desire to mention how I'd felt like I was dying. If I opened up that can of worms, it would be like subjecting myself and my body to the last few hours all over again. I decided instead to generalise, skipping over how my chest had threatened to give out right there in my bedroom. _Is that what a heart attack feels like? _I wondered. I'd exposed the limits of my physical strength and it was scary. "I think they finally broke me, and now everything's fucked." I mumbled instead. I shook my head, wishing I could shake it all out and leave the emotions strewn for somebody else to collect

"Not everything." Rachel leant in for a kiss to cement this. I stopped her. It pained me; however, I was acutely aware that I was a mess. I longed for a toothbrush or a mint. She read my mind, her eyes urging me. _It doesn't matter_ those dark pools reflected. _Sod it then_ I reflected with my own hazel orbs. My resolve splintered and I lunged towards the smaller girl, falling forwards in my haste. We both ended up on the rug, sprawled awkwardly in a mass of limbs. It hardly registered that I'd dragged her down, my focus solely on her face. I swept her hair clear and latched onto her waiting mouth, my teeth pulling at her bottom lip almost savagely. "You, Quinn Fabray, are the love of my life and I will do anything to keep you safe." She told me afterwards, chest heaving. It was like I had stolen all her air and with the roles reversed; my own lungs seemed too full.

"Thank you." I could only gaze at her adoringly. I had no more tears left, neither bitter nor joyous, and my eyes burned. She had opened herself to me again and I had to return the favour, as painful as it was to rip open the wounds of the day. "Rachel?" She hummed softly at the mention of her name, looking up from her horizontal position and tickling my skin with her breath. "You can ask me if you want to." I wasn't ready to volunteer the whole tale but she deserved answers to her millions of questions irrespective of my reluctance.

The girl didn't hesitate. "The story will keep for a while longer. You should tell me when you're ready and not a second before." I was stunned that she had seen through my unwillingness once more, it was a skill that would never wear thin for me. _I love you so fucking much Rachel Berry._

"You really saved me tonight, you know."

"And I'll do the same every night until you can leave this town if I have to." It was the most earnest promise anyone had even given me. I pinned it to my heart, a truth tangible enough to hold. I was speechless. She studied me shyly from underneath never-ending jet black lashes. A second flew by followed by another and I floundered trying to decide whether or not to snatch the anticipation that hung over us both.

"I…"_Actions speak louder than words._ Heeding the advice, I helped the girl to her feet. Her mouth curved curiously. She was waiting to see where this would lead. "Let's go upstairs." The request was no louder than an intake of breath. Chocolate eyes widened in realisation.

I didn't let her hand slip free of mine. "Quinn, you don't owe me anything-"

"Take me to bed, Rachel." I interrupted firmly. She turned slightly pink at my boldness but all the same I didn't blink. Sometimes you just have to tear up the rule book. All the planning in the world wouldn't afford me a more perfect and romantic moment than this. I counted every stair on the way to her room, nerves frayed. There were 13, unlucky for some, but not for me. "I love you." The brunette brushed her lips against my skin with every step, echoing my sentiments without words. We didn't have my stash of candles, flowers or pink champagne and I can safely admit that I didn't miss any of those things.

I told her everything the moment that we awoke the next morning. I opened my eyes first and they immediately searched for her. As I watched, the early light diffused by the window, cast a crude halo around her head and I couldn't help but giggle at how appropriate that representation was. The sound woke her and she smiled sleepily. "What's funny?" She asked, wiping her eyes.

"Life." I retorted. I doubt a more dramatic U-turn has ever been recorded. I'd been ready to throw myself from a bridge before and now I felt such indescribable happiness. "Is this real?" I whispered.

The brunette laughed. "I think we've both got the marks to prove it." As she spoke she emphatically caressed a scratch that her nails had left on my back. "See?"

I hadn't meant to reveal my woes then, since those feelings were at total odds to my current emotions, yet as I pulled her towards me, I couldn't stop myself. In the cocoon of warm bed sheets the words just tumbled out. Rachel was outraged and distraught but ultimately not surprised; after all I had always painted my parents in an honest light. _No point sugar coating it._ We were still intertwined, close enough that she could probably have heard my thoughts projected much less my mumblings, so when I sighed, and lamented to myself, of course she listened to all my curses. _Why's it always me? _That was the question that always circled through my mind.

"Sometimes life is just hard." She responded, stealing my hand from the edge of the pillow and tracing a heart onto my palm with her fingertips. I felt soothed instantly. "Don't go to school today, stay here and let me take care of you, Quinn." Her fingers now running freely across my arm and making the tiny hairs stand up. I knew exactly what the day would entail if I agreed, I could picture it so vividly that my body wriggled closer, responding entirely of its own accord. Unfortunately, reality swiftly invaded my fantasies.

"I have to go, perfect attendance for the semester was one of the caveats my father elected to force upon me last night before things turned Lord of the Flies."

"Don't go back to that house at least, not yet. Promise me."

"Come on, Rach, I can't go to school like this, I know I'm still pretty powerful, but even so, eyebrows would be raised by a naked Quinn Fabray roaming the halls." My girlfriend didn't grin. She was unimpressed and her face remained stony. "If we put aside the uniform for a second, there are still things I need, books, and assignments…" In reply, she inclined her head towards her closet where several replica outfits hung. As far as she was concerned, that was the first problem solved and she was already working on the second.

I grinned. "Whoa, wait, that'll never work, you're a midget!" She sulked for a moment, or so it seemed, but I wasn't fooled, her brain was working in overdrive trying to figure out another, better solution.

"Okay, I've got it; we'll go and borrow clothes from Brittany!" She exclaimed triumphantly.

"Rachel, its fine, my mom's comatose and my dad will have left for work." She opened her mouth to argue, but I was already shoving my feet into my boots. "Thank you for caring so much." I countered, kissing her gently before moving towards the door. "It makes me love you even more." I picked up on her flabbergasted sound of disapproval before leaving and in spite of my resolve, I immediately felt bad for dismissing what was a rather excellent plan. Going home was one of those premises that sounded good in theory but was shit scary in practice. In any case, I bluffed and hurried off without further delaying our goodbye; I couldn't have her with me in case I was wrong. The prospect of running in either parent was a baptism of fire and there was no way I wanted that for her. "I'll see you at school, okay?" That was my final word on the matter, I left her no choice.

As I was forced to walk the few blocks to my house alone; I made sure to keep the image of her lying asleep with that dappled 'halo' secured in my mind. The mental picture ensured that I had a smile on my face and the reserves to keep moving forward. _Thank god for Rachel Berry._ I'm not sure if she knows this or whether I should even tell you, but honestly, to this day, I still wake up and fall asleep with that same thought and the vibrant accompanying memory in my head. Therefore, it is also true that the girl continues to rescue me from myself or my circumstances in ways that she isn't even aware of.


	29. Chapter 29

**I've sliced this chapter in half, because, not to spoiler you before you've even begun to read, but Quinn's plan and in particular the ramifications of it, are rather important and as a result I don't want to rush through them, especially as the word count was already stacking up. However, that decision means that this chapter was tricky though, since I'm not really sure what it's supposed to be now, it's like a lead in to a lead in, which doesn't even make sense lol. As it stands, I'm left not entirely happy with the result, I'd love to know your thoughts though. Feedback is love people…**

As predicted my house had been deathly quiet, but all the same I only stayed long enough to carefully scrub the scent of Rachel off my skin. Tiptoeing past my mother's room felt like tempting fate and I wanted nothing more than to run back to the Berry's house and curl up in bed with my girlfriend, disregarding everything from the school day that beckoned us to the cheeky inquisition I would undoubtedly face from Leroy. Regrettably, my only viable option was to arrive at school bright eyed and bushy-tailed, and so I did, in fact I arrived early, hoping that this small act would appease some higher power and in return I would be granted at least one day to coast through classes without any backlash. I didn't expect to find Rachel or any of my friends there already since the school was practically deserted, and so I went to the bathroom and checked my appearance, for the sake of habit and mild boredom more than anything. When I emerged the story was much the same, and so, to kill time, I went to my locker, blissfully casting aside the heavy books that I didn't need until later in an attempt to save my spine.

That decision proved pivotal, leading to a random exchange which in turn sparked a previously forgotten idea deep in the recesses of my brain. The words were so innocuous that at first I barely even registered, not even bothering to look up. "Who are you this week, Clark Kent Barbie?" I recognised the girl's voice as belonging to Kelsy Edwards, a former minion. I smiled unseen because her level of hypocrisy was staggering, she was literally one of the fakest teenage girls I have encountered at this school, a dubious enough 'honour' given the competition. _Prick her and she'd probably bleed silicone, _I thought. "I know you couldn't hack it as Queen, but I still think it's kind of pathetic how your little girlfriend has you desperate to play in the sandbox with the freaks and geeks. Hiding in plain sight is all well and good but it'll take more than YSL's to make you belong, Fabray."

I had heard so much worse, in fact I'd probably said harsher things to the mirror and yet I couldn't let it go. Her attitude reminded me so keenly of my mother that I felt my anger rise. _I'm so sick of being judged._ The girl had chosen the wrong day to provoke me. The desire I had to break her perfect nose threatened to overwhelm my reason, but in spite of the hovering red mist I possessed enough self-control to realise that I couldn't fight her that way. However I reacted, it would have to be under the radar. That is when the previously disregarded plan resurfaced in my consciousness again, the notion had been lurking since before that horribleness with Santana, but when I smoothed things over I foolishly cast it aside and god only knows I had been given plenty of other things to worry about since then, so I never expected my scheme to see the light of day. Yet, there she was smirking at me, smugness radiating from every pore. She anticipated that she'd beaten me down. _Girls like that don't understand the long game._

"Things are going to change at this school." I muttered, my mind fully made up, as the slam of my locker rang out like a gunshot and caught her off guard.

"Don't you get it, the mighty have fallen, and you'll never climb back to the top." She spluttered whereas I just sniggered. The girl didn't comprehend even my basic thought process. _You've got it all wrong; there won't even be the merest hint of a chain of command by the time I'm done. _I may have had no control over my home life, but I refused to bend in the one place that I could still make a difference. It wasn't too late, contrary to what this adversary thought, I still had some sway and I was going to use it to make a final sweep across the board. By graduation this place would be unrecognisable, that was my pledge. If I could rediscover myself beyond the stereotype, why not give everybody a clean slate?

I was convinced that given a little time a solid plan would come together. As it happened, as I already had a lot of the groundwork stored, brewing in my mind, I managed to have everything figured out by the end of first period. However, like all great plots, I couldn't do it alone. There was a lot of work involved to overthrow an established routine, life at school may have changed since I gave up my crown, but tiny cracks didn't tear down foundations. I had to destroy a long ingrained mindset and that was tough. I gathered all my friends at the first opportunity, which was lunch, laying out all my earlier, and in my opinion, air tight, brainstorming for them to scrutinise.

Santana was the first to shoot me down. "This idea sucks; one party isn't going to fix all the wrongs at this school, no matter how inclusive it is."

Brittany piped up in agreement. "Yeah all the student body in one place isn't cool Q, it'll be like _The_ _Hunger Games_, except there are no trees in the gym so we'll have to sleep on smelly exercise mats and everybody knows that all the braniacs have been biding their time, waiting on revenge for all the times I made them do my remedial reading homework. They'll use their combined intellects to wipe us out. I'm not smart, and I failed my summer school Archery class!" The blonde looked genuinely distressed. None of us knew what to say to her outburst so Santana squeezed her hand, smiling reassuringly as whispered what I assume were words of comfort in Spanish.

The Latina eventually turned back to me, frowning. "I won't be winning any cool points by saying this, but my education is important to me, and I really want study Law in the fall… so as lame as it may sound, I'm not sure I can be on board with this."

Puck jumped in before I could. "Jeez, don't get your panties in a bunch. This could be legendary, a bigger deal than anything we've ever done and Satan Badass Lopez wants to wuss out? I can't be hearing this right." He ignored her glare. "Count me in, it's about time this school had a much needed shake up!" The two of them squabbled like kids for a few minutes and I let Brittany referee. Grateful as I was to him for leaping to my defence, his motives hardly matched mine. He was focusing on the party, whereas I saw it purely as means to an end. Besides I was honestly more concerned with how a certain brunette was processing the information. I fixed my gaze on her.

"I agree with Puck." Rachel stated quietly. A considered hush fell over the table. The boy grinned widely and my expression probably matched. Nobody talked over her, waiting to see what else she would add. I think held my breath. "I'm sick of the cliques; every school is the same, from Lima to Luxembourg. Even if we fail, at least we can leave here having tried to make a difference."

"So whipped." Santana finally muttered, not even caring that comment earned her a badly bruised shin from my corner. "Don't say I didn't warn you." She grumbled loudly before the bell saved her from further outrage on my part.

I had other reasons to behave at any rate; I wanted the girl on my side, her party planning skills were an essential element to my success, and so I tried again when we were alone. We only shared one class without any of the others that day, and I took my chance to pounce the second it was offered. "Please, can you just trust me?" I implored, ignoring the scrawlings on the whiteboard. American History had no interest to me then, I was attempting to fix my present after all. "San, come on, I don't get why you are so anti-party all of sudden, we need this!" It was so difficult to restrain myself to hushed tones and I could feel the teacher's glare fall squarely upon me as my enthusiasm took over. I told myself that any reprimands that might come my way from him weren't important and kept my eye-line firmly trained on my best friend's face. I could feel the Latina's tirade coming before it hit me, but I didn't flinch. _Let's get this over with. _She didn't let me down on that score, incapable as ever of holding her tongue..

"That's the point, you need this, and I really don't. I get that you've been dealt a shitty hand lately and I can totally see why you feel the need to cut loose and drown your sorrows and all that. You know I'll always be the first in line to hold your hair back, 'cause you're my home girl, but why at school? Your girlfriend has a fake ID, use it and by all means sink tequila by the buckle load until you can't see straight, or anything else you need to do that won't get me expelled."

"You don't get it, it has to happen here otherwise its worthless, this isn't just about me, I can see why you would think…but honestly, I'm okay, the flawless girlfriend you mentioned took an absolutely nightmarish night and made it…" I trailed off so that I wouldn't blush and changed tact. "The point is, we're seniors and in no time we'll all be scattered, what do you want your legacy to be? Do you want to be remembered as the bitchy side-kick of a fallen Queen Bee, or do you want something lasting? We can dismantle this school, burn it to ashes and rebuilt it how it should've been from day 1." Of course I wasn't being literal, but I had to be dramatic to appeal to the anarchist in the depths of her. I knew she enjoyed the opportunity to cause chaos almost as much as she relished her reputation. I had taken that, sullied it beyond repair, but I was hoping to give her something better. "Just think about it, San.. I could tell she already was, the lesson plan lost as she pondered. I left her to the silence.

"Oh my god! You finally did the nasty with Berry, didn't you!" It wasn't the response I was anticipating in the dying minutes of class. Eyes swivelled to burn holes into me and I inwardly cursed her lack of volume control. "How the hell? What did you do, bend her over the table during family dinner?" She was getting louder if anything and I wished my desk would open and magically swallow me. I stared intently at the floor. "It all makes sense now, you finally got some and now it's all, peace, love and parties for everybody, right?" She was grinning, totally at ease with her misunderstanding of my aims. I don't know why I expected her to get it, since she was famously was compelled by the satisfaction of her own desires and evidently thought the same was true of me. Nevertheless, I consoled myself that it didn't matter why she played her part as long as she did. "I think I liked you better when you were uptight." _Pick your battles. _I told myself. I concerned myself mostly with the difficulty of not countering with anything bitchy seeing as I had no desire to add to the circus she was creating.

"Are you going to help or not?" I snapped back, cutting through her laughter.

"Fuck it, you've appealed to my vanity. I like the idea of all the fresh meat talking about this stunt for years to come, and if we pull it off, well… I don't need to tell you that it was getting exhausting verbally spaying those junior and sophomore bitches day after day. Nobody will be able to touch us, minus the faculty that is." I could tell she was still worried, but the smile that played across her face as she spoke couldn't be faked. _Good work fabray. _I didn't let myself have more than a moment. I wasn't foolish or naïve, I knew it was just the beginning; the hard part was still to come.

Gaining access to the building after hours was, aside from convincing my friends, the simplest part. Brittany's former days of sleuthing, cracking filing cabinets and entering offices made her perfect to score the keys. That was child's play; in fact it was almost laughable how easy she made it look. From where I was standing, the girl could have a really bright future in petty crime if her dancing dreams didn't pay off. The major stumbling block was the guest list. Alcohol, hostility and a lack of adult supervision could create a powder keg and I had no means of diffusing it. In actuality, aside the desirability of the forbidden venue, I didn't have much at all. I was sure once we had them gathered together I could make it work, thanks to another idea of mine that I hadn't yet fully shared, but I still needed something to bait my hook and get the masses through the doors. Surprisingly, the ditzy blonde came to the rescue again. Her solution was perfect, Brittany offered me salvation in the form of fancy dress and I kicked myself for not thinking of utilising the novelty factor myself. What better for an anti-clique party than for the jocks to dress as the misfits and vice versa? With that obstacle overcome, there was nothing big left to plan. _The devil is in the details, _I thought as I swallowed down my nerves brought on by the final piece of the puzzle. I had to focus. It was time to set things in motion. It wasn't long before keys were copied, fliers were printed, costumes were envisioned and underhand tactics were employed to smuggle everything into the gym. To that end I was grateful that our schools elite stance meant hundreds of students in place of thousands, therefore granting us marginally more success at keeping this all under wraps.

I tried not to visualise how easily one overheard conversation or misplaced word could bring things crashing down, instead I focused on all the things I could do right. Hence, it stands to reason that I should explain my secret weapon, the thing that would make my peers loiter past the first keg and remain after the balloons had deflated, or at least that was the expectation I clung to anyway. The thought came to me as I walked past the choir room and heard the voices within. _There is a lot of talent at this school. _Furthermore, it occurred to me that not all of it was known, for example nobody outside of our circle was aware that Puck was an astounding guitar player, or saw the poetry that lined pages of notebooks hidden in Santana's room. At Mckinley we only allowed ourselves to show the parts of ourselves that were necessary, conducive to perpetuating the moulds we had cast ourselves in. We were all too scared of ridicule to break out, and that's what I needed to change. The idea was to set them free, to promote a sort of talent show for the gifts that we buried as it were. _No more barriers. _I'd take the plunge first, more than willing to be the primary casualty of the stage if needs be. Conquering stage-fright didn't seem nearly so difficult after living through numerous confrontations with my mother and the dinner from hell. I had time, purpose, a well-chosen song and several willing partners to help me practice, as well as friends lining up to showcase themselves, all that was left was a leap of faith.

"This is either the best idea I've ever had or the worst." I lamented to Rachel after school that day as my tired eyes scanned my chosen song lyrics for the millionth time. My chest hurt every time I pictured the brightly lights or imagined I could hear the whine of the microphone and I honestly wanted to call the whole thing off, my head warring with my heart over how this would all play out. "It will be okay, won't it; I don't think I could stand it if they laughed me off." I mumbled, already feeling the egg on my face. _This cannot backfire. _

My girlfriend just grinned. "Do you really think Santana and Puck would let you be heckled?" I shook my head, twisting my bottle lip between my teeth. "Honestly Quinn, what you're doing is nothing short of miraculous. I could tell when I first saw you that there was more lurking underneath that pretty and shallow blonde façade, but if somebody had told me then that you'd be plotting to bring down the system that once held you in such high esteem, I'd have laughed in their face. I can't believe how far you've come." I tugged her towards me across the bed, and hugged her tightly, breathing her in. In turn, her lips found my neck and I suddenly had an entirely different reason for my pulse to race.

"You think I'm pretty?"

She giggled. "That's what you took from my speech, really? I'm trying to tell you that I'm so proud of you."

My face curved into an irrepressible grin. "And I'm so in love with you." I retorted, laying her back against the pillows. The song could wait; everything could, except for this.


	30. Chapter 30

**Not much to say really, I'll let the update speak for itself. The song is **_**'Strange' **_**by **_**Tokio Hotel**_** and I strongly urge you all to listen to it. I realise it's probably OOC and too pop for her but, I've been listening to it non-stop lately and the more I do, the more lyrically perfect it seems. It's my fic and I'll pimp my favourite songs if I want to, I guess that is the motto lol. **

The party proved to be eventful for a number of reasons. If truth be told, it was probably memorable not only within my own extensive record of get togethers to date, but also with regards to the history of the school as well. Nobody had ever attempted anything like this, and for good reason, but I think it's best to concentrate on the highs of the evening first. What can I say, it's nice to reminisce about the percentage of the night when I was so happy that I thought I'd burst. _A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down._

My triumph started with my performance, although throughout I didn't feel like celebrating. In my eyes it was a giant bluff. I was standing atop the bleachers in the gym, staring down at my classmates with a fixed expression that I hoped didn't betray my unease. I didn't know what to do with my hands as I awkwardly swayed there, trying not to squirm and fighting to make sure that nothing but the correct words passed my lips. I was painfully aware that it was a long way to the exit and there was so much that could go wrong. _Don't choke! _My inner voice screamed. It didn't help that every time I blinked I viewed formerly pristine blonde curls dampened by vomit that was the consistency of pea soup and heard the cheerleader growl at me like it was yesterday. Regardless, I had somehow managed to get the first verse out, even haunted as I had been by mental images of blue and white pompoms flexed with strings of my stomach lining. They weren't booing and so I continued, growing in confidence steadily and wanting to ensure that the lyrics reached every single ear.

_**Under the radar  
>Out of the system<br>Caught in the spotlight  
>That's my existence<br>You want me to change**_

_**But all I feel is…  
>Strange, strange<br>In your perfect world  
>So strange, strange<br>I feel so absurd in this life…**_

Rachel was beaming at me. I grinned back at her before reluctantly tearing myself away from her petite form, bobbing up and down in front of my eyes. I spun around towards Puck, off to my left, with his guitar. He strummed the chords effortlessly, his voice harmonising better than it ever had in our trial runs. It made me want to shower him with praise and more hugs than he could stomach. I was in awe. If he had any nerves whatsoever he didn't show them, and soon he had me dancing as freely as he was, working the stage like a pro. I'd forgotten myself, lured into the performance and the listeners responded in kind, erupting in loud cheers. It was everything I had wanted. They hadn't laughed or fled and that showed promise for the night ahead as far as I was concerned. I left the stage to a chorus of wolf whistles and high fives, feeling invincible in that moment. _All the effort and risk was totally worth it. _I thought. Eventually, I collapsed into my girlfriend's waiting arms, my body shaking as the effects of adrenaline continued to bombard me.

"Incredible." She breathed, apparently as captivated as I had been when watching Puck. I couldn't believe I warranted such a reaction from her, Rachel possessed the most astounding vocal range I had ever heard. Just that one word from my girlfriend was enough to let loose a batch of fresh tears. She held me tighter, caressing my damp cheeks for a second before pulling me along and into the bathroom.

The sudden privacy was a blessing; I took the proffered paper towels and attacked my face. I was a jangled mess,I'd anticipated a gentle comedown like the crest of a wave and yet no amount of shallow breaths could ground me. Coherent thought was out of the question and similarly, the power of speech was elusive, becoming a function I no longer possessed. I realised huge teardrops were still causing rivers of mascara to flow across my cheeks and shrugged off my losing battle. Instead I twisted to Rachel's eye over again. She responded in a typically sarcastic fashion. "It's your party, you can cry if you want to." The brunette remarked, quickly taking it upon herself to resume the task I had abandoned. It was pointless to contradict her comments, what excuse could I use; it's raining on my face? In place of talking I was simply content to watch her delicately repair my panda eyes, and with every make-up brush or tube she removed from her bag, I gradually felt calmer, soothed by her touch, until I was fully back down to earth. _She's a miracle worker._

"I can't believe I just did that!" Rachel zipped up her handbag and appraised me, not surveying her handiwork, but rather, looking through the layers at my disbelieving eyes.

"I can. You're so much better than you know."

I smiled at her bashfully. "I must have been a saint or something in a past life to deserve you."

"Maybe." Her eyes darkened and I recognised the playful glint therein. My stomach flipped as her tone went down an octave. I knew what that meant. _You have no idea what you do to me, do you? _I mused. Her accompanying smirk tore me up even further, and any aspirations of composure were cast off. "Though, I can't pretend that this time around I'm not delighted to discover you're more morally flexible, because, no lie, tonight I intend to appeal entirely to your wicked side." My girlfriend knew exactly what she was doing, looking deliberately beguiling as she stood there winking at me. I moved fast, pressing her back against the sink and relishing the startled gasp that escaped. _So, you want to play, well, in that case, it's score one to me. _Not that I was in any way capable of keeping a tally, my head was spinning. She didn't have to know how undone I already was just by being near her though, that was my secret.

"Is that a promise?" I teased as my hand boldly trailed down, sweeping across her body until I found the back of her knee. I clutched it gently, almost idly, for a moment and enjoying the second sharp intake of breath she had emitted in as many moments. With a smirk of my own, I lifted leg so that it easily hooked around my hip. My moans mingled with hers and I didn't try to suppress them. I'd never been more appreciative of a fancy dress choice; her phony cheerleading skirt was ridiculously short, allowing me uninhibited access to a wide expanse of flesh. _God bless the perv who invented these, _I thought, the material swishing as my fingertips danced across her thigh. The muscle jumped beneath my touch and I delighted at repeating the process for the other leg and pressing our bodies tightly together. Rachel whimpered softly before connecting our mouths. "I really wish there was a bed in here…" I rasped whilst stopping for air. The level of need in my voice was surprising and I laughed, remembering Santana's earlier comments. _When did I become Quinn Fabray, sex addict? _I couldn't help it; the girl was just so irresistible and her attire wasn't exactly inspiring virtuous thoughts.

Rachel pulled back a little, possessing more self-control than me. "It's probably a good thing there isn't, we'd miss the show and all your hard work."

I sought out her lips again. "Just a few more minutes, I like the view in here much better."

Her mouth moved frantically against mine and the brunette nodded in agreement. "I suppose you have earned it."

I couldn't tell you how many minutes I had stolen when Brittany barged in, only that I was vaguely conscious that it had been more than a few. Time seemed to stand still when my lips were joined to Rachel's. "I could get lost in you." I whispered as the animated blonde urged us out. Rachel blushed and my smile stretched wider. It shocked me that she could shower me with compliments and yet become hopelessly bashful if I dared to do the same. I was already amused at seeing Brittany unrecognisable in full Goth mode complete with black wig and an array of clip on facial piercings, and so I giggled, coy Rachel Berry being the icing on the cake. _Could things get any better? _I pondered, genuinely concerned that the night may have peaked too early.

I couldn't have been more wrong, the Latina's efforts ended up being so moving that I didn't mind being pulled away and the rest of the acts were far from a wash out either. It made me glad that had made a hasty pact with myself upon leaving the bathroom not to overlook a performance now that the bleachers had my full attention again. It didn't even annoy me that the show choir kids had monopolised everything, though I normally would have been exasperated by the hijack, on this occasion I enjoyed their enthusiasm. After all, I couldn't begrudge them when it was their talent that had sparked my interest in the first place, and they possessed enough between them that it remained enchanting.

The next act however went beyond that. I cannot express how big of a bombshell it was to me stood watching as Finn Hudson climbed the steps. I had no clue that he was an enthusiastic and capable drummer and this news served to highlight that I wasn't the only one keeping my passions hidden during our time together. His face lit up once his performance ended and was left overwhelmed by feelings of genuine happiness for him that he had been given such an outlet and felt comfortable enough to participate. _It's never too late in the day to be surprised. _That thought was proved even truer by his next action.

"Just quickly, I want to thank Quinn Fabray for organising this-" Exuberant voices around us drowned him out temporarily, but he battled on, shouting over the clapping. "Also, I've been thinking for a while, and after tonight, I've made my final decision, I'm joining New Directions!" I'd never pegged him for a show choir fan, however his expression was utterly sincere, and therefore it clearly wasn't a joke. _I guess the barriers really are being torn down. _Our eyes met for a millisecond and we both smiled, nodding in recognition of each other until the majority of the boys in school clambered up to join him on the bleachers and a musical free-for- all began. The microphone was wrestled from him by a mulleted hockey player who began a rousing spoof version of the school song.

"Who'd have thought it, Finn Hudson, the party's biggest success story?" I retorted, my incredulity evident to the brunette at my side as I raised my voice to be heard over the reigning chaos. His revelation had eclipsed everything, and become the fitting end. _Let the celebrations begin. _I had done the hard work now or so I thought.

"You aren't going to cry again, are you?" Santana remarked sarcastically at my shoulder. I flipped her off. _Of course she saw. _She raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow in response. "Jeez Fabray, you were like a set of lawn sprinklers, don't tell me that was you trying to be subtle." I sighed, unable to comprehend how she could produce writings that were so at odds with her outer demeanour. What a perfect poster child for what I wanted this evening to be, better than Finn even. "You've gotten so soft in your twilight years, huh?" She continued, gently prodding me. I huffed, unable to dispute it.

"I love you too, San." I muttered. The Latina didn't get an opportunity to reply, Puck appeared and cooed sarcastically at us, silencing her.

"Fuck the love fest, let's party!" He exclaimed and I let him drag me into the thick of the crowd. A throng of writhing bodies swarmed over us and I opted to embrace the madness and dance wholeheartedly with the boy at my side. I wasn't wearing a costume, opting to dress as myself since I had successfully transitioned through the hopefully abolished cliques, but he snatched my glasses, resting them on top of his slicked down Mohawk. Noah was already wearing a bowtie and sweater vest and the specs added a whole other dimension of anti-Puckerman-ness to his ensemble. I couldn't deny that he had catapulted himself headlong into my theme and that only added to my high spirits. I shook my head as he tried to slip a pill into my palm, I didn't even need it. Puck instantly swallowed the dose himself and waggled his tongue at me. "Suit yourself blondie." He answered, catching the attentions of a cute redhead and disappearing just as quickly as he had materialised. I couldn't resent him leaving me alone; especially as he'd pulled this same manoeuvre so frequently that I would have been shocked and disappointed, nearly, if he hadn't done so. I just weaved my way back through the masses to find the rest of my friends, red plastic cup in hand.

I'd like to attest otherwise, but unfortunately the worst case scenario did ultimately happen. So far as I can tell, things started to go wrong around 11.45pm, and escalated quickly. If there were any little hiccups to act as a warning, I must have missed them. Weirdly, the events that sparked the party's downfall weren't for any of the reasons I would have predicted, the vandalism of the school occurred because people started enjoying themselves too much. There is no point outlining all the ways the school got trashed, it wouldn't change anything, and would only end up glorifying the events more than they have been. The essential facts are that I got complacent and took my eye of the ball spectacularly. I was dancing, my body swaying against Rachel's as they burst in, all loud voices, stomping boots and flashing lights. It was intended to be disorientating and it was, everybody in their panic believed that the police had arrived and began to flee, screeching false warnings of "Police!" and such to the others as they ran. I stayed eerily calm somehow, knowing in my gut that they were wrong; the police didn't raid like that. It didn't mean we weren't in serious trouble though, I established as I had a last look around, the more I saw the more misdeeds there were to add to my mental checklist. If the Campus Cops, the title the school security officers gave themselves, decided to actually get the real cops involved, trespassing and criminal damage were just the start of it. I fought against the surge and held my ground. I needed to be heading in the direction of the uniforms, not away.

My contingency was always to step up and take the blame, I may have been done for, but I could at least shield my friends. It was for the best anyway, deemed preferable for my father to kill me for this than something else. I would be safer allowing him to channel his hatred towards my infamous defiant streak rather than my other secrets, even if the end result was the same. _No more school, maybe no more Lima, definitely no more Rachel._ I tried not to dwell on this as I targeted the man I suspected to be the most senior and carefully told him the version of events I had memorised. There were no other options.

"If you want to save your friends you'll have to think up something more original than that." His surly reply wasn't what I had anticipated and I looked at him warily._ Friends? _My heart clenched in my chest, sinking as it hit me. There was only one thing that could have happened and it wasn't the way things were supposed to play out.

"What?" I appealed anyway, needing confirmation of my worst fear. He didn't answer, instead leading me to the principal's office. Rachel and Puck were standing next to the desk just like I'd known they would be._ Too late. _I hadn't got there fast enough. I made some strangled, heartbroken noise, but everyone in the room ignored me. I scoured my brain for something I could say that would make a difference and all the while, Puck continued to claim that Rachel was his girlfriend and he had coerced her into helping him. The rent-a-cops were too clueless to poke holes in his story.

"Don't do this for me." I exclaimed loudly, feeling useless. Again I was overlooked. Rachel spoke over me, backing up her role as partner in crime to the boy. I'd always said that the brunette would make one hell of an actress and by the time she was done adding another layer to the lie, I doubt that I would have believed my own tale. _How long have you been planning this? _It was utterly convincing and I was all but shooed out right there on the spot like some nuisance, a stray dog that had overstayed its welcome. It wasn't right.

I hated feeling so powerless. There was literally nothing I could say or do. I'd lived in Lima all my life, long enough to know how things worked in towns like this. I was still protected by my father's influence and my reputation. In stark contrast were the two of them, he was the notorious troublemaker and she was the new girl, largely unknown to beyond the stereotypes they could see. They judged her on her visible tattoos and striking demeanour, and based on that filled the blanks in their knowledge of her background less than favourably. It was small town scapegoating at its finest and my friends milked the prejudice for all it was worth.

I lingered for as long as I could; terrified of what would happen once I left, though I couldn't prevent the men from forcibly ejecting me for long. I couldn't take it anymore. "Why?" I mouthed silently to Rachel, my face pleading. She glanced at me for a moment before her shining eyes flitted towards the stern face of Russell Fabray, by now just yards away from the open door, waiting to take me home. She smiled; the gesture was more telling than words. I ached from the sadness I glimpsed briefly before her expression flipped back to the default setting of a contrite little girl again. She was in character, I wasn't about to get any more answers.

Puck on the other hand didn't care how he was perceived; it wasn't part of the con for him. The boy took the opportunity to lean in close and voice their collective reasoning in a barely audible murmur. Some would say that he couldn't resist stating the obvious, yet I didn't consider that to be the case. I was stunned as the whisper filled my head. "Because Q, you have more to lose." he told me unflinchingly.


	31. Chapter 31

**Again, I'll let the update speak for itself, it deals with the aftermath of the last and I hope, nicely sets up the end that is approaching soon. I would like to take a moment to say thank you for all the love that this story has received though. It means a lot, especially considering that the first chapter was an experiment that I wasn't sure about continuing and the story has now grown into my longest and most popular. I hope you enjoy the latest instalment. **

**Also, for those of you who are interested, the first part of the note is from the song **_**'This Time, This Year'**_** by **_**Defiance, Ohio.**_

Over the next few days I had a lot of time to mull over my mixed feelings as I tried to suppress the loneliness I felt in the school halls. On the one hand, I was touched that I had two people in my life that cared enough to do something so selfless on my behalf, but on the other, I was angry that their kindness had taken my power away. Puck and Rachel weren't aware that I was ready to use the fallout from the party as an opportunity to stand up to my father, maybe I should have told my friends, or shared my plan with my girlfriend at least, and then things might have worked out differently, but I hadn't and now here we all were. Obviously I could have confessed anyway and in fact, I tried to reveal the truth over dinner the day after, but he silenced me with a look. My mother knew, she could tell, and her smug smile was the final straw, deflating me. That, coupled with the warning shot from my father was enough to remind me that I was firmly back at square one. Whilst, I wouldn't be cowering and backing down like before, the damage was done nevertheless.

My parents had put the drawbridge down. _I don't want to be a damsel in distress. _It was too late though, I figured that may as well sleep the rest of the school year away like Aurora in her tower, for all the good that my rebelliousness would do for me in such a deep snare. Unfortunately, I didn't have that option, even under house arrest; I still had the obligations of my classes, church and anything else that my parents deemed appropriate. In those first few days after the party I did a lot of volunteer work, for instance, I led numerous bake sales, and spent large portions of my evenings sorting piles of second hand clothes. I bore it all in disgruntled silence, painfully conscious of the fact that all the tiptoeing around and the smug whispers of 'best behaviour until college,' harked back to life before Rachel and self-discovery. _You might as well lie down in your closet and lock the door. _I couldn't dispute the accuracy of my inner voice, although the cruelty stung. The irony was, the busier I kept my body, the more my mind wandered.

I missed Rachel so much that it was like a physical pain, stabbing me in the chest each time I dwelled on thoughts of her and what she might be going through. I asked myself if she was crying behind her bedroom door and if a tiny piece of her resented me. At my lowest ebb, I was certain that she must, especially because whenever I tried to reach out, there was nothing on the other end, a wall of silence. There was no respite for the storm inside my mind, and no comfort for either of us. Similarly, I felt like every time I looked for reassurance and turned to the only shoulders I had to cry on, they got a little bit more worn down. Brittany and Santana would shoot me these glances, understanding, but full of pity all the same.

"You could always get her one of these, Q." Brittany flashed her wrist with a grin and in spite of everything, I couldn't resist smiling back.

I nodded in the direction of the bracelet, which in addition to a growing number of charms that Santana increased every year, a delicate silver bell jangled. "It's not that I can't find her, Britt, I know exactly where Rach is, it's just that her dads' won't let me see her, remember?" I explained gently. The blonde bit her lip and twisted the links idly, until the other girl put her arm around her and her blue eyes lit up once more

"Cheer up sad sacks, it was only 14 days in the first place and by the time Quinn gets her mopey ass back to school…well, it'll be over in no time." I knew that the Latina was right, but the sentence felt like 214. I barely listened as the pair of them launched into yet another attempt to cheer me up. It was an established strategy for the girls to tell me stories about all the times that they had been separated, sometimes for an entire summer, forgetting that I had been there, living through it alongside them more often than not. I liked the older stories the best, from before I knew them, but no matter what, I was grateful that they always finished the anecdotes happily. It didn't really help, but it put my sorrow into perspective.

Realistically, the situation could have been a lot worse and it was astonishing that Rachel's punishment had been so drastically downgraded considering that the board of governors had initially been adamant about making an example out of the girl. For that reason, I was indebted to Hiram and Leroy for convincing principal Figgins to plead her case, but in the same breath, I was furious at them for not letting me see my girlfriend after school. I'm not stupid, of course I understood their response, especially if they were aware, as I imagined, of the real story, but I also knew that just one second, a single glimpse of her, would ease my mind and hers immeasurably. We needed each other, it was that simple. Unfortunately, that reunion didn't happen regardless of how hard I begged and pleaded so I had no choice other than to continue leaving unanswered messages and flood her inbox with voicemails, thanking the universe that my parents lacked the necessary oversight, or simply didn't care enough, to confiscate my phone. It was the only time that I would ever prefer my own parents to the Berry's.

My only consolation was that Puck's mother was nowhere near as concerned by his whereabouts. We hung out every day, and if you substituted the dingy nightclubs and abandoned parking lots for his bedroom, or nights spent on the porch, it was just like last summer. He kept me sane, the boy was a constant in the shifting landscape and I was happy to see that his unwavering bravado and cheeky banter hadn't changed. When he asked me about the sturdiness of the lock on Rachel's bedroom window, because he figured that with me out of the picture he'd have a clear shot, I could have cried in relief. I think that night I hugged him for 10 minutes solid. He wiped my tears away with a lopsided smirk.

"No need to get emotional. I know you'd be lost without the Puckster, but never fear, school is just a jail for bored teenagers and you know that no cell could hold me." I sniffed and managed to get myself under control, although I was still shook up by the revelation that he would have to repeat his senior year at Dalton Academy, an exclusive prep school a few miles away. He didn't seem fazed, but I was stunned on his behalf and waiting for his delayed shock to set in.

"I'm so sorry." I mumbled. It seemed like that was the only phrase capable of passing my lips, like I was scratched record, stuck on repeat.

He grimaced. "The S word is banned, remember?" I opened my mouth, about to apologise for apologising so much, when Puck stopped me. "Seriously, it's cool; none of this is your fault. I chose to take the heat and I knew exactly what I was doing, we both did." It was the first time that he had mentioned my girlfriend beyond the punch line of some dirty joke and I struggled to hold back the onslaught of fresh sobs. He quickly changed the subject. "Don't sweat it, my pretty face has been kept out of juvie, everything else is just flapping gums. My mum tried to guilt me with the whole, 'I'm not angry, just disappointed,' big fucking deal, right? She's been saying that every week since I turned 12. To be honest, I was just glad that she didn't evoke he who shall not be named." I squeezed his arm reassuringly. We'd never talked about it but I knew that he was terrified of turning out like his dad, and hated any comparison between him and that deadbeat.

"You're worth 10000 of him." I whispered. I meant it. Few people would have risked all that the boy had, and the magnitude of that consistently passed unspoken between us. I'd cheered at his elbow, buying the first round of beers when we discovered that no criminal charges were filed and nobody would stop me from walking him into the gates of his new school that first day either. _I fucking love you, Noah Puckerman, _I thought. In another life, he made me want to be his girlfriend. Our bond only added to the responsibility I felt burdened with though, I will never forgive myself for his expulsion. Mckinley sucked but we'd at least been all together, and now I'd robbed him of the final days with our tight knit gang. Furthermore, I was acutely aware of the reputation of his new school, which made ours look like a holiday camp. Noah Puckerman in an all boys' school was like putting Lindsey Lohan in a convent. It was all so wrong.

Unfortunately, regardless of the injustice, the world carried on spinning. Days passed, and brought with them the knowledge that things wouldn't get any better for me once school started. I delayed it for as long as I could, I tried abject refusal, tears and cited sickness, but I could only stall for so long before my dad all but marched me through the doors himself. I was prepared for the cold shoulder to eclipse the hostility I had grown used to at home. My parents' reactions were hellish, but I predicted that in comparison, Russell and Judy Fabray would seem like a walk in the park. After all, I wasn't naïve, if my parents knew, then everybody's did and therefore it was reasonable to assume that they were being subjected to the same scrutiny. My theory was proven fact by that first morning. The cheers on the bleachers were quickly replaced by a fanfare of corn syrup and humiliation. I think I sealed my own fate by not reacting outwardly to that original icy shower of bright blue goo, but without the people who held me up, I felt small and defenceless. _You deserve it. _I did, not because Lima had become a ghost town and the masses were restless, and certainly not as punishment for thinking outside the box, which I would never regret, but because I hadn't fought for Puck's future or protected Rachel. You could call it wallowing, but it was never about that, sure there's no greater degradation than walking to class with garbage juice in your shoes and day old spaghetti hanging from the edge of your blazer like a bright orange cobweb, yet the dumpster diving didn't barely register in my consciousness. Instead, I counted down the days until the brunette could walk beside me, and in the meanwhile, I focused on all the ways I was different from these small-town cretins, and cementing my desire to get the hell out of town. Yale was on the horizon, and I wasn't so much looking forward to it, as living my life for graduation. _Once I'm gone, I'll never look back._

I should have immediately realised that Rachel Berry is the kind of girl who thinks of everything. Therefore, she didn't have to be there, physically, in person to act as my rescuer. She had anticipated my distress and worked on a way to appease it in her typical fashion. I will always love her for that. To this day, I have no idea when she left the note for me. I assume that she slipped it into my bag the night of the party, probably after finalising the lies with Puck, just in case. All I know is that I discovered it 10 days later, in the bathroom as I tore through my satchel looking for my spare pair of glasses. I found them and something else as well. I smiled instantly, recognising the notepaper and as I opened up the folded sheet, my grin widened. _She really did have it all planned._ My eyes were drawn first to the tiny stars acting as an ellipsis, a greater signifier than handwriting, that my girlfriend was the author. Not that there was a single second of doubt, Rachel had been leaving me notes since she instigated our secret duets and it had become a habit that she was happy not to break. I imagined her hastily scrawling the message, in case of a moment exactly like this, and I adored, and yearned for her in equal measure. _**This town has taken it all out of us, made us look at our lives through new eyes. ... I love you in so many ways. **_The message was characteristically composed using lyrics that we'd listened to together a million times before and consequently the words shouldn't have had such an emotional impact, however I was unable to deny that they fit perfectly in context and that was the clincher. She knew exactly what I needed to hear. I checked the back, and discovered that the familiar pink ink was waiting for me too. _**Remember that absence makes the heart grow fonder. xx R xx **_visualising the swept of her wrist as she wrote, I folded the paper back up and tucked it snugly into my pocket, close to my heart. _Thanks Rach. I love you too, _I thought.


	32. Chapter 32

**It's been a while and I miss flirty faberry so here it is. I hope that you enjoy the update because the end is definitely in sight for this story. I'm not sure how many chapters are left, but let's say that the countdown has begun. Thanks for coming along for the ride, I guess.**

**Oh and also, just to say that I can't take credit for the awesomely named tribute band, that's real. I haven't heard them play, but based on that genius alone, I assume they are probably epic!**

Rachel Berry isn't the constant epitome of cool, calm and collected that I once painted her to be. She has her moments, but that day, she was as much of an emotional mess as I was, having missed me, and not afraid to show it. In fact, our reunion resembled one of those cringe-worthy slow motion scenes that romantic movies are so fond of using as a climax. Although that's not to say I would change a second. As Rachel walked towards her locker, her assured strut belied what her eyes told me. I saw the anxiety, the tiredness and the desperation that lit up those brown orbs, and so I had no option but to rush to her and scoop her up into my arms. We twirled in full view of the wolf whistling, jeering naysayers, clichéd but true. I actually didn't put her down until Principal Figgins forced me too by coughing forcefully in my ear.

"Ahem, Miss Fabray, when you're quite finished, Rachel has already been in enough trouble lately without adding inappropriate conduct to her list of misdemeanours." I all but growled at him, despite him having already turned his attention to the brunette. "My office please, Miss Berry." She nodded, disentangling herself from my arms in order to follow him reluctantly. I took her arm and pulled her back gently, gutted that our perfect moment was being cut short. _I'll make it up to you soon, Rach._ I placed a final gentle kiss on her right wrist, remembering the note she had written me. My lips lingered softly against her pulse, we didn't speak, and yet my eyes whispered _good luck _as hers returned a million other things. I heard _I love you _the loudest. Therefore although we didn't share a single class, it was easy to smile wide when she glanced back, just once. We had been stalled, our happiness delayed, but at least we occupied the same space again. I knew where she was and how she felt. Things couldn't be better given the circumstances.

"What's with you? I get that you're excited to see the little diva again, but this is ridiculous. If you keep smiling like that your jaw will detach." Brittany looked horrified at the image that Santana had let settle in her mind, turning slightly green as she cast her eyes down to her plastic tray. "You'll scare her off if you don't tone it down." The Latina added in a whisper. I couldn't though. On top of everything else I had big plans to surprise my girl and whilst Rachel loved spontaneity, the universe didn't always agree, I was aware how fortunate I was to have my plans come together. The high was getting as I pictured the look on her face, coupled with the few minutes we'd already shared were enough to just about kill me.

It was no wonder that my animation was noticed and dutifully commented on by my best friend, I'd expect nothing less. However, I wasn't about to give her an easy ride. I smirked. "Now who's being ridiculous, just because your honeymoon period with B is over, and you've become one of those old before their time, boring couples." I retorted teasingly. Santana immediately glowered, utterly outraged.

Brittany predictably cut through the tension before it had a chance to simmer for too long. "You're wrong, Quinn, me and San are both wicked hot, just ask the janitor, he walked in on us last Thursday and had to take sick leave-"

"Britt's is right." The other girl interrupted quickly. "We're still the most badass bitches at this school; just say the word and we'll prove it." She pulled the blonde into a sloppy, tongue-fuelled kiss to emphasise her point.

"Urgh. Since I have to keep my strength up, and therefore my lunch down, I don't think I'll take you up on that challenge. No offense." Both girls grinned, taking it as a victory. "Can you keep a secret though, I've been dying to tell someone about the plans I've lined up for me and Rachel tonight." I promptly spared no detail as I filled my friends in about the band I had discovered were playing a few towns over. The drive would probably be gruelling after school and whatever else my parents had lined up for me, but I considered those things to be worth it. After all, I knew that Rachel would be delighted when she realised that I had recalled her love of Britpop and tracked down an Oasis tribute act, _Definitely Mightbe. _I couldn't wait for her reaction._ And your reward, _the little devil on my shoulder piped up.

"That is so not what I thought you'd say." Santana replied, caught between a scowl and a wink. "It's so disappointingly PG13."

The blonde on the other hand, threw her arms around me. "I think it's really sweet!" She gushed.

_Hopefully Rachel will agree._ The brunette in question actually didn't give me much opportunity to let my words, or excitement levels, run away with me. She was all about action, wanting to go off school grounds from the instant that she appeared in the canteen. I have never been more tempted by anything, I was genuinely itching to nod my consent and disappear with her, but on the other hand my nagging fears flared and succeeded in keeping my feet mostly fixed in place. We couldn't afford to risk my girlfriend getting in trouble on her first day back from suspension especially since not even seniors were afforded the freedom of roaming off campus. "We can't…" I reiterated with a depressed sigh. Nevertheless her fingers brushed the hem of my skirt, prompting me that she wasn't taking no for an answer whilst simultaneously making my knee cap tingle dangerously. The sigh became a gasp as her hand travelled higher and my face flooded, eyes pleading as she smirked down at me, confident that her indiscretion was hidden by the table top. "Jesus, please." I whined, no longer even sure what I was asking for. _Stop or go? _

"Let's at least go to the quad, I want to feel…." she paused, licking her lips deliberately slowly. It was the kind of teasing that I could never sincerely rebuke her for and the girl knew it. My stomach flipped over as I stood up and let her take my hand. As it happened though, her completed sentence wasn't what I anticipated. She countered with, "the grass tickling my calves." and I stared daggers, which only made her more amused. "What?" She asked, feigning innocence. "I've missed the sun during my time on lockdown."

I couldn't argue with that. Instead, I smiled disarmingly sweetly. "Whatever you want, babe." I remarked, my voice dripping honey into her ear. Unfortunately, although my mischievous tone worked in theory, in practice neither of us could keep a straight face for long and the façade crumbled rapidly.

"I know you're joking, but I'll admit that I do like the sound of a compliant Quinn Fabray."

I frowned. "Hey, I'm always eager to please!"

"Prove it." I did, but not be being submissive. I hadn't forgotten what my girlfriend liked and so I genuinely caught her off guard, crushing our bodies against the unyielding surface of the school's battered brick. Nothing about the move was finessed, and it made Brittany and Santana's earlier display look positively chaste when our mouths met, but I had no regrets. I tasted every inch of her mouth, my tongue exploring wantonly, spurred on when I felt the girl shiver. It was warm outside so temperature wasn't a factor, and internally my monologue was triumphant.

"I have another surprise." I told her later when we had regained our senses and finally took our spots in the pale sunshine.

"Oh really?" Her voice was lazy, matching her posture. Rachel's body was laid haphazardly on the grass, like a starfish, her eyes closed. "How do you rate it in relation to your previous one?"

"You'll definitely love it, as for whether you enjoy it more or less, that remains to be seen." I brushed her hair away from her forehead, smiling as she made a contented noise in response to the playful caress. "I guess we'll find out later."

I should have known that everything was going too well and predicted that somebody would throw a spanner in the works; our lives were never simple after all. However, I didn't imagine that the stumbling block would continue to be Leroy and Hiram Berry; I'd anticipated that I would have been forgiven now that their daughter's punishment was over and yet Rachel's message indicated otherwise. **They won't let me go. I'm so sorry, Quinn.** It sounded so finite, no, spelled out in black and white.

I refused to waver nonetheless; I had worked too hard and missed my girlfriend for too long. **No way! Screw apologies, you'll have to convince them, butter them up**. I replied. **I promise them that I'll have you back by curfew, before even. I'll swear on the flag if needs be. **I added hastily, keeping my fingers crossed. The delay was torture; it was a miracle that I had hair left on my head by the time my inbox eventually flashed.

**It took some doing but we're all set. The demands are that I have to be home by 11, and they insist on driving us there and picking us up afterwards.**

So, it would be awkward but not impossible. We might miss the final few songs which was a shame of course; usually the best was saved for last, but the arrangements were not the end of the world. I was just relieved that a compromise had been reached at all to be honest. I typed out my agreement and pressed send. I guaranteed myself that nothing was going to spoil the evening; I didn't care if we'd have to endure Figgins himself as chaperone, we were going and I would make sure that we both had an amazing time. **At least your dad's car has an especially spacious backseat! **I joked, inserting a winky face for good measure. Emoticons tended to rankle my girlfriend even more than slang (she proclaimed once that they were the mark of a moron with poor vocabulary) and so naturally I included them every chance I got.

**You're so romantic! **I could hear the deadpan tone as clearly as if she was sat next to me speaking the words.

As you might guess the car ride to the venue was an awkward, stilted affair. I favoured silence because in spite of how desperately I wanted to catch up on everything that I'd missed in Rachel's life over the past few days, I knew that bringing up her suspension in front of her dads' would only make things more uncomfortable. It was still a touchy subject for them and I didn't want to land any further into their bad books. Additionally, for all our earlier banter, PDA's were also off the table, since I highly doubted it would lighten the mood one bit. Time dragged, and the only reason I managed to resist flinging myself from the vehicle at each stoplight was because I was afforded a rare opportunity to listen to my girlfriend sing along to the radio. If I had a voice like hers, I'd never stop serenading people, even random passersby would get subjected to spontaneous bursts of song, but Rachel had never been like that. It wasn't that she was shy, simply selective on where she showcased her talents. I think she was weary after a few too many rounds of unflattering street busking in her youth. Irrespective, it was an exceptional treat, and saved more than my sanity.

When I finally did get to ask how she had spent her incarceration, during the band's first and very well timed cigarette break, I pictured Rachel saying that she had learnt how to knit or taught herself to play guitar (which consequently I learnt later she had) but her actual response floored me. "I decided that I'm going to NAYDA" she replied. There were no maybes or ifs, she was totally self-assured. If anybody else had dropped this on me so seemingly out of the blue I would have probably laughed in their face as it was common knowledge at school that the college was notoriously difficult to get into, and people from previous years had tried and failed in surprisingly substantial numbers. However, my girlfriend was not like most people, and I was aware that once she had her heart set on a place there, nothing would stand in her way.

I could see a potential issue with her acceptance though and I approached the subject tentatively, utilising all my in-built tact. "What about your suspension, how is that going to look on your resume?" I felt like I was raining on her parade immediately, particularly since it was my fault that discipline was even a concern, but I couldn't ignore the elephant in the room. Blind optimism was never my forte.

Rachel on the other hand, just laughed. "I'm hoping they will view it as proof my artistic temperament." I tried to smile but it must not have looked that convincing because she instantly reassured me again. "Besides, with all the schools I have been to, I've acquired so many skills that my extracurricular section is pretty much flawless." I couldn't deny that. _She is amazing, everybody knows it. _

All the same, I still couldn't abandon myself utterly to being the contented well-wisher that she wanted. My practical mind was reeling. Reality niggled me, namely all the ways I may have accidently stood in the way of this ambition. "This year though, you can't pretend that I haven't totally distracted you, so, I mean, aren't you worried about having a gap in this flawless resume of yours." I thought hard, on the spot, about ways to remedy this, feeling responsible. I didn't want to ruin her dream before it had even got off the ground. "Maybe it's not too late to join The New Directions; they'd love for your talent to grab them another title." It seemed like a long shot, but it was all I could think of, and if Finn could do it, Rachel definitely was a shoe in.

She smirked. "I think we both know that I burnt my bridges in that choir room at the start of the year and in any case, even if I joined it would probably be too late to make any serious difference to their ranking. They aren't going to qualify for Nationals, so I'd rather use my time more effectively." My stricken face must have been blindingly obvious because she chuckled. "Oh Quinn, you worry too much, it's all going to be fine." After that, I tried my hardest to let my predisposed pessimism float away. I let myself get caught up in the music and dancing and cheering, fully embracing the atmosphere that is lost anywhere but the smallest venues. My girlfriend was having the time of her life and so how could I do anything but follow her lead? I didn't clock watch for a single second and put all thoughts of her curfew out of my head. _If we only have a few hours, all the more reason to make them count. _

By the time the 2nd break in the set rolled around, my strategy worked and I was buzzing. Not a single drop of alcohol had passed my lips (I was being a good girl) but I felt drunk, on happiness, on adrenaline, and as corny as it might sound, on love. Because of these feelings, despite the quiet that had fallen without the riotous musical backdrop, I abandoned all notions of continuing our prior conversation. Talking was suddenly the last thing I wanted to do. In place of that, I pulled Rachel into the privacy bathroom with me. It was a well-rehearsed move, but it was easy to remember why I favoured as soon as it began to work for me over again. I was grateful that her chosen black lacy vest didn't act as much of a barrier as I tugged her closer and my fingertips idly caressed her stomach, both of us smiling as the muscles bounced and jumped. _They had missed me. _I leaned in to kiss her, my chest humming, until she pushed me away and half-heartedly began fixing her hair in the mirror. _Tease_. My eyes flashed. Even so, I indulged her for a little while, carefully watching each prolonged movement. The brunette was on a deliberate go slow. _Very funny, honey._

She turned to scrutinise the empty stall, easily reading the attentions that I was blatantly broadcasting. "I'm not having sex in here." Her words seemed resolute but her eyes weren't, they kept flickering back and forth from me, never still. I could tell she was weighing up the pros and cons, assessing all our options. The brunette eventually smirked, her decision obviously made. "But you can go right ahead, if you feel the need so badly."

I didn't find her comments witty and decided to sweeten the pot by lightly kissing her neck. I was adamant that I would show her what she was refusing. My lips hovered over her skin just once, as a reminder and then I stepped away again, playing her at her own game. "Oh Rachel, you worry too much, it's all going to be fine." I repeated, taking her in my arms as I echoed her smirk, adding a wink.


	33. Chapter 33

**Oh my god, it's been so long since I updated, I'm so sorry! I'll try not to leave it so long next time. Strangely I went from having writers block for this chapter to getting so many writer feels that I've had to chop the planned end off and move it into the next because it was getting too long. I hope you enjoy the fluff (and the reminder of past happiness' that I couldn't help adding) because I have a feeling that it might get derailed a little in updates to come… **

It's lucky that most teenagers have relatively short memories compared to the grudges adults hold because whilst both my parents and Rachel's still hadn't forgiven me for the ramifications of the party, (and I was beginning to wonder what more I could possibly do to prove myself worthy) at least the majority of our peers had. All the praise fell squarely at the feet of Finn Hudson and though I couldn't take the credit, it cheered me enough knowing that school could be almost pleasant and our engineered changes had largely stuck. Furthermore, the boy had, despite my dented credibility and the backlash that came with it for everyone involved, stuck to his guns and embraced show choir. Against all the odds, he'd even managed to convince a few of his friends to join. Of course, I think the turning point was when he began dating Harmony, Captain of The New Directions, because once they saw that the group wasn't filled with freaks and geeks the guys only needed a slight nudge in the direction of the auditorium. Predictably, it didn't take long for each jock or popular boy to get a girl on his arm, after which, with their seal of approval it would have been laughable to consider cross-clique dating taboo anymore. Therefore the social hierarchy that had begun to be rebuilt by the younger, grasping minions came crashing down, and I couldn't have been happier. It was nice to say that one area of my life was going right.

Actually that wasn't the end of the favours that the boy did for us either, another decent bi-product of the school's recent unity meant that me and Rachel didn't have to sneak around to sing anymore as the choir room door was always open. It meant that I always knew where to find the brunette, I was glad of that as it was tricky to catch her at home, regardless of the fact that sometimes remained slightly unnerving, especially at first, to get my head around the idea of my girlfriend being in such close proximity to my ex-boyfriend for hours at a time.

"It's a good thing I'm not the jealous type." I muttered as I strolled in to survey the familiar scene of both practicing their vocal scales. The two of them smiled at the standing joke, which had become practically a catchphrase upon entry, before Rachel paused to rush over and kiss my cheek. I didn't bother to ask her if she was nearly done, I already knew the answer. Instead, I settled in comfortably, cracking open my books. It was a gesture that said; _take your time, honey. _I quickly became preoccupied in the horrors of geometry anyway.

"Have you decided on your audition song yet?" It was obvious that Finn's question was just a stalling tactic, because he was sick of practicing, but Rachel took the bait all the same.

"I've only just sent off my application-"

I cut her off pre-ramble. "Don't even try to pretend that your song choice hasn't occupied your thoughts for every waking moment since you first licked that envelope. I know you better than that, and even Finn isn't gullible enough to believe otherwise."

She didn't blush and in place of it her chin jutted out stubbornly, a familiar stance. "Okay, so I may have been weighing up a few choices, but I'm still struggling with the internal debate of something classic versus a more modern spin."

I didn't hesitate to make the obvious suggestion. I had seen the brunette's iPod playlists, heard her singing in the car and most importantly run my fingers over her ink skin enough times to know what she should choose. There was never any doubt. The answer was written in her first tattoo. "There's no contest. You should do _Don't Rain on my Parade _you've been in love with that song since you were 4 years old; I've seen the home videos to prove it." She didn't bother to disagree, aware that at any given moment I could've lifted up the back of her shirt and shown the world how inspirational she found that song.

"Actually, I had just turned 3 when I first performed it." Rachel finally replied. I appraised every inch of her face for a hint of sarcasm but there was no smirk, she was deadly serious.

I smiled. "I stand corrected then, but that definitely settles it."

Finn jumped in before my girlfriend could. "Quinn's right, from what I've heard, you're such a star that the school should be paying you to attend." I was so appreciative on Rachel's behalf for the kind words, outlining exactly what the other girl clearly needed to hear in that moment, that I didn't bother to mention to him that he'd basically described the concept of a scholarship. As my girlfriend tried valiantly not to let her awkwardness show, I shot him a wide grin, mouthing my thanks. Eventually the girl recovered enough to stop hiding behind her bangs and give him a hug, a sight which was cute as well as faintly hilarious. I couldn't help but giggle from my front row seat. _She looks so small in his arms. _

"Timber!" It was typical that Santana would decide to walk in then of all moments, and ruin it with one callous remark. I gave her a non-verbal warning using my best glare, but she just shrugged. "What? I was trying to be helpful; I thought he was going to fall and crush her, my bad." Smirking, she turned back to a very embarrassed Finn and a distinctly unimpressed looking Rachel. "Carry on you two, as you were." She added, sliding down into the unoccupied seat next to me.

It was a bad move, both because it was uninvited and she was within punishing distance. I didn't hesitate to dig my elbow into her ribs. "Did you have to do that? Everybody's getting along."

"And you're okay with this love fest, huh? Your ex and your current getting all cosy."

Before I could counter the remarks, Rachel's voice rang out in response. "No need for jealousy, Santana. You've got more chance with me than Finn does." Her brown eyes flickered to him apologetically. "He's just not my type."

The Latina obviously hadn't anticipated my girlfriend over-hearing her because she didn't have a witty comeback on hand, and as she pouted silently, the smaller brunette grinned, aiming a wink in my direction for good measure. I sniggered back.

It didn't take my friend long to recover her wits though. "Oh, I don't know, I mean, those moobs turned my head; they're big enough that even the most die-hard lady lover could almost be convinced, and I know you like to swing both ways, Berry so…" I shouldn't have been surprised that she resulted to her default bitchy setting when prodded, but I was. Even for her, the retort seemed excessively harsh when compared to what prompted it. _Outrageous._ I immediately felt bad for the boy.

"San!" Apologise now." I wasn't kidding and everybody in the room knew it. Her victim shot me a look that mixed shock, after all my leap to his defence was out of character, unfiltered gratitude of my leap and a degree of quiet resignation that signified he was more astute that I ever thought.

"¡Ay Dios Mío! Alright, okay… I'm sorry." Finn nodded his acceptance, but all the same, it was long before he made his excuses and left. Nobody challenged his feeble story about needing to get home, unable to blame him for wanting to avoid Santana's hostility. A tense silence fell over the 3 of us that remained. I could have anticipated that the mouthy Latina would be the first to break it, but not that her words and the tone behind them would leave me speechless. She stood up. "Anyway Berry, I know you wanted me but I don't have all day so, I'm here as requested, which of my _many _talents did you require?" Despite knowing that she was using her flirty voice precisely to get a rise out of me, my rational mind was instantly overwhelmed by the throbbing of my temples. That's the thing about best friends; they know exactly what buttons to push.

"I take it back; maybe I am the jealous type after all."

"Relax; I'm just here because your little girlfriend _begged_ formy services." Santana practically purred her reply and I knew that my headache was here to stay. Thankfully Rachel glared at her before I lost it. For once she didn't need to be telepathic since I assume that the tension that had settled over me was probably visible from space.

I hated that I was both that transparent and easily riled, especially since I knew that it stemmed from the running interference of my girlfriend's fathers. I'd promised myself that I wouldn't complain to her about them and yet my good intentions were steadily evaporating. We'd hardly spent any time alone together since the surprise I arranged and it was getting to me. The Latina, as my replacement sounding board, was privy to all of this. _PLEASE STOP BEING A GRADE A BITCH! _I wanted to scream. _It's an abuse of your confidante privileges. _

"That isn't helpful. Seriously, I really do need both of your creative inputs for this." My interest was suddenly piqued by the idea of a secret project that Rachel needed help with and it allowed me to put Santana's antagonism, and my own hurt that my girlfriend hadn't seen fit to share with me first, to one side and listen eagerly.

I discovered that practice for the audition was mostly just a ruse to get me into the choir room and I couldn't believe that I hadn't seen through that. The reality was that Hiram Berry's birthday was rapidly approaching and as part of the elaborate celebrations, his only daughter always did something special. This year, Rachel not only wanted to perform any old beloved song but to compose an original. The reasons for wanting the two of us to help were pretty self explanatory, Santana's poetry was awe inspiring at the anti-talent show (my girlfriends terms not mine) and since the brunette had rescued more than a few of my song writing efforts from the trash can while I'd known her, I was also lined up to help. I was touched and more than a little bit nervous to be tackling something so important to Rachel. The same couldn't be said for the other member of our trio though; modesty was never high on her list of valued personal attributes. "I can see why you called me; Q's lyrical skills are weak."

"Hey, it won you over didn't it?" I fired back sulkily.

"Whatever you say, I accepted your apology because I'm the bigger person and the better friend." The only acceptable response to such a ludicrous statement was hysterical laughter, something that my girlfriend and I were on the same page about. For a moment I thought that the other girl would retaliate by punching me, but somehow she composed herself enough to just seethe. It was clear that she was furious but she stayed quiet about and eventually we drifted back to the piano, if not forgetting the hostility, caring enough about the task to shelve it for a while. We called it day after the 2nd verse. Things were winding down gradually since each attempt at an accompanying melody had become punctuated by the tiny brunette's unexpectedly loud yawns and thus, Brittany's arrival provided us with the final necessary excuse to call time on our creativity, it was getting late anyway.

The enthusiastic blonde had no such issues with tiredness; she was full of beans as ever and didn't think twice about suggesting that the gang hang out and 'do something fun.' I wasn't sure what she had in mind then, but I was immediately sold on the idea that whatever it was we could invite Puck. I still missed his daily presence in the school hallways a lot more than I'd expected too and I knew Santana did as well. The four of us squabbled over the activity we should chose, but I don't think mine and Rachel's hearts were in it as much, and I wasn't overly bothered when the decision came down to a dead heat between the other two girls. My mind idled. _Just choose already so we can get off school grounds._

"Karaoke!" Brittany squealed, her attention drawn to the notebooks that were still scattered around the piano bench.

"That's good; Berry's pipes could use the extra practice." This time her insults had taken on an affectionate slant, so when Rachel shoved her I wasn't concerned, any fight would be playful and I had a feeling that my girlfriend would give the Latina a run for her money if things escalated. Nevertheless, after a few hair-raising moments, I took great delight in defusing the situation in the most satisfying way.

"Oh Santana, I nearly forgot, don't forget to swing by Finn's and invite him, will you." Brittany's smile was the only thing that saved me from getting involved in the brawl, her excitement distracting the other girl. She slung her arm around her girlfriend's waist instead whilst I took Rachel's hand. Just like that, order was restored.

"I'm not sure about this, Quinn." We were running to my dad's truck, dodging showers, yet even without the rumbles from the angry sky there was nobody to overhear. Santana's mustang had already flown by, we were alone and there was no reason for Rachel's voice to be so low. It was as though she didn't dare speak. I immediately stopped. The girl hadn't been herself all afternoon, but this behaviour was ridiculously off-key.

"You're scaring me now. Rachel Berry turning down the chance to hog a mic, what's wrong?"

"I think I should give tonight a miss, the weather sucks, I'm tired and we can't overlook the issue of my insanely early curfew. I doubt I'll be good company, that's all." I wrapped my arms around her, ignoring the waiting car and the menacing clouds that loomed overhead.

"That's impossible, even if you crashed out in the corner, the highlight of the night, for me, would still be watching you sleep."

"You're so corny!"

"Did it work?"

"Maybe." She murmured softly, setting off and rapidly picking up speed before I could gloat. In turn, I decided to slow my pace, shaking the keys triumphantly as she reached the vehicle whilst I fell behind.

"What did you say?" I called smugly. "I didn't quite catch that!"

"Okay, yes, you successfully changed my mind, alright? Now come on!"

Despite her claims, when we reached the venue I still could feel the anxiety, she tried to hide it from me, but the strain was evident. It robbed her eyes of colour and her whole body sighed as I switched of the engine. I'd never seen her so tired and I felt ashamed and selfish, wondering if I'd coerced her into distraction when what she needed was to talk. Clearly, I wasn't the only one feeling punished by recent events."Rach…" I began, but one glance told me that this wasn't the right time to broach what was bound to be an emotionally intense subject. _All our friends are waiting inside._ The brunette was expectant, but rather than relying on conversation, I surprised her by unbuckled both our seatbelts, grinning as my hand lingered on the passenger door. I couldn't blame her for not yet stepping out; I was already soaked to the skin, my formerly perfect curls plastered to my cheek. My spirits weren't dampened though. I knew just how to make things better for her. "Dance with me." I whispered.

"This is my best dress." She fired back without pause, acknowledging what I was trying to do. I was pleased to see the smirk re-emerge and I blissfully twirled her over and over, skipping across puddles until my phone buzzed and interrupted our trip down memory lane. Reality had invaded once again. _It was nice while it lasted, _I thought, meeting my girlfriend's eye. She beamed, giving my hand a final grateful squeeze. "I guess we'd better step back into the madness, then." I just nodded.

As hoped, karaoke turned out to be just what the doctor ordered. So much so that it was a wrench to get my girlfriend ready to go by curfew. We'd switched roles and I felt like a jailer as I threw her jacket in her direction, the bars of her last song having barely died away. _When we're 18, she can sing all night long if she wants, just remember that. _Currently, her birthday felt like a lifetime away, but I pushed such musings away in favour of the practicalities of getting home. The weather was still awful, which from a traffic stand point seemed like a bonus at first only to be proved a false friend, the miles might as well have been twice as long when I was left inching the truck through dense sheets of water. Visibility was nil and that fact made me curse the Mustang's lack of space. The closing minutes of our evening could have been infinitely better if Santana was forced to be the designated driver for us all. As it was though, I not only had to get Rachel home, but then double back on the lonely stretch to my house.

The clouds growled and spat. "Talk about nostalgia, huh." The brunette inclined her head towards the sky, waiting for the flash. _Déjà vu. _I gritted my teeth. "Oh Quinn, you aren't still afraid are you, do you want me to sing you the thunder and lightning song again?" I shook my head, pissed enough that my girlfriend had Googled the stupid children's song in the first place much less committed it to memory. Sensing my dismay, she rested her head on my shoulder and though the petulant side of me was loathed to admit it, the gesture calmed me more than the act of concentrating on the road ever would. By the time we got to her door my heart was no longer trying to burst through my ribcage and it made me sad to think that I would be companionless for the rest of the drive, however short it was.

I moved away, missing the contact instantly. "I'll guess I'll see you tomorrow then."

Rachel scowled. "You don't seriously think that I'd let you sleep alone during what could be the worst storm on record, do you?"

"But-" I was attempting to make a point about our parents and the trouble we could land ourselves in, but my girlfriend silenced me abruptly. The kiss was electrifying, as if she'd harnessed the power of the storm itself, and it was hard to be sensible in the face of such persuasion.

"You need me tonight, I'm not leaving you. Everything and everyone else can go to hell for all I care; keeping you safe is the only thing that matters to me right now."


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: I just wanted to take a quick moment to thank everybody reading this, especially those of you who have been with me from the start. I honestly never intended this story to be the length that it has grown into, so I really appreciate everybody sticking with me. I can't lie, as much as I love these characters; I am somewhat relieved that the end is finally in sight. I promise that if I ever venture into this universe again afterwards, it'll be oneshots or ficlets all the way lol!**

_**When a storm begins in the clouds,  
>It sometimes may look frightening.<br>You see a quick electrical spark-  
>Flash! goes the lightning!<strong>_

_**Long and thin and streaky and fast,  
>Its glow is oh so brightening.<br>Watch for the electric spark-  
>Flash! goes the lightning!<strong>_

I wasn't surprised that the ghost of that song found me even before waking, playing in my mind to the infuriating tune of 'Pop Goes the Weasel' but even in my sleepy state, I tried vainly to shake it off.

_**When a storm begins in the clouds,  
>It truly is a wonder.<br>You hear a rumble loud in the sky-  
>Clap! goes the thunder!<strong>_

_**Lightning bolts are heating the air,  
>Over clouds and under.<br>When the air expands enough-  
>Clap! goes the thunder. <strong>_

It wasn't the ridiculous lyrics that gave me comfort, but the voice behind them, whispering into my ear as the windows groaned around us. I finally opened my eyes, to nestle closer to the body beside me. It didn't seem possible that any space existed between us, but I was relieved to discover I must have been appeased enough to roll away slightly some time during the night, carving my own niche into the mattress. _Rachel really does know best, _I mused, not that I've ever really doubted it. The only shock came when it dawned upon my dazzled senses that light had begun filtering through the curtains, at odds to the complete silence that greeted me. The brunette's room was typically flooded with sound at 6am exactly, and unless the morning was unseasonably bright, a mechanical fault must to be blame for the lack of a cheery wake up call. Fearful of the inevitable backlash, I gently prodded the sleeping girl. "Rach, the storm must've knocked the power out."

She shot bolt upright. "Shit, are we late?"

I shrugged. "No idea, regrettably, I think I left my Cartier in my other jacket." She wasn't amused. _I guess now isn't the time for sarcasm._ "I'll check my cell, shall I?" Immediately, I regretted my decision, not wanting to be the bearer of bad news yet again. My bottom lip bore the brunt as I ground my teeth against it.

"So?" It was the first time I had ever heard her come across as anything other than serene in the AM, but it wasn't appropriate to chuckle, as sleepy as I was, I could ascertain that. I killed my smirk before our eyes met.

"You aren't going to like this, but it's…umm…it's 7.45." I whispered the last bit; however, my tactics weren't in the least bit effective at stemming the tirade that came next. I watched as she tore through the space, a whirlwind that rivalled last night's storm for intensity. _Relax _I thought, but I knew better than to express it, even light-heartedly. As it happened, she read the response etched upon my face, and her scowl darkened perceptibly. It was both impossibly sexy and terrifying at the same time and I didn't know how to react. Ultimately, Rachel barked her orders, addressing me like a toddler as I floundered. "Get dressed, Quinn, I'm on Figgins' watch list remember, if we don't leave for school in 4 and a half minutes, I'm so dead." _Yes, Miss Berry. _I decided that my school teacher fantasies were contemplation best kept to myself as well, and hurriedly did as instructed.

I'd never arrived at school looking less put together in my life, but my haste wasn't sufficient. The principal honed in on us anyway. I stared frantically through the door, swallowing hard as he lifted the phone to his ear, my girlfriend's fate hanging on the end of that line. The brunette's head was bowed, but I mouthed my unseen apologies anyway. I'd said I was sorry a hundred times as she drove, and Rachel insisted that didn't blame me, but her eyes hadn't entirely softened. _God help me. _My fear of all the unknowns in this scenario intensified as Hiram Berry charged past me into the office. I fixed all my attention on his polished loafers, praying he'd glide past me, but of course I was spotted. The resigned sigh was somehow worse than any of the poisoned words that my own parents had ever aimed at me and I shrank into my seat. It was pointless, as small as I made myself I couldn't hide from his radiating disapproval, content only with the fact that it didn't last long. I wasn't his main focus, and as the door closed, letting one man enter as another left, I was overwhelmed with anxiety for my girlfriend.

"That'll be all Miss Fabray, I'd advise you to take this note and beat the bell to your first class." I took the piece of paper that Figgins' proffered, careful not to let it get caught in the crossfire as my fingernails fought against my palms. Although one thing I didn't do was move._ I can't just leave her. _He gave me a look that suggested he was willing to forcibly eject me, so I stood, but my feet still didn't edge towards the exit. I wasn't worried by the principal, I had other priorities.

The only words I caught before my arm was gently clamped were, "Your father and I refuse to sit back and do nothing as this becomes a repeat of what happened in Paris!" It didn't bode well. More than anything, I yearned to hear Rachel's reply, but it eluded me, thanks to a cruel combination of volume and distance.

Spanish was ranked bottom on my list of preferred subjects before, but in that moment, I utterly loathed it. **Who died?! **I pointedly ignored my buzzing cell phone and continued to point my daggers at the white board at the front of the classroom. The pages in front of me were blank, save for a very unflattering doodle of the principal that I had lavished far too much attention on, pressing so hard that the ink had transferred on the next sheet. Unfortunately, it didn't give my mood the desired boost, even when I crumpled it into a tight ball and fired it in the direction of the waste basket. All I wanted was for class to end so that I could find my girlfriend and check that she was okay. I'd write a million notes and sneak a thousand glimpses at my phone screen all through the period if I had to; I was willing to risk finding an empty classroom to barricade us in if that's what it took. _Don't be wet behind the ears, Fabray, you aren't some dumb rookie, use the Janitors closet. _My inner voice had morphed into the Latina's but I took the advice in any case. A makeshift plan decided, I fell back into quiet angst, my pulse racing the bell. Ironically, the only thing that had any beneficial effect on the way I felt was that damn thunder and lightning song. _I must sound crazy,_ I thought as I unwittingly hummed it under my breath.

**I've become one of ****THOSE ****girlfriends! **I knew that my response would only provoke more questions than answers, but I felt like I'd explode, do something stupid, if I didn't give myself another form of distraction, and fast. _Just hang in there, Rach._ I decided that if she could (I didn't have to see her to know) then I could too. It was only fair that I did everything in my power not to lose my temper or my sanity, since this drama was entirely my fault, after all.

We made it to the safe haven exactly 2 classes later. I almost knocked the other girl's satchel off her shoulder in my haste to steer her there in actual fact. Her eyes narrowed but there was no other perceivable reaction to the mania that fuelled me, even as the snatched minutes between classes quickly escalated into a full blown kidnapping of sorts. It wasn't necessary to give details, our eyes had connected as she'd paced that office floor and Rachel had anticipated the discussion that was about to take place. Nevertheless, initially, she didn't say a word and I wasn't sure if I was grateful or not that that the brunette was skilfully biding her time. Irrespective, the delay couldn't last, the walk was fairly short at a normal pace, and I was practically running at full pelt. My adrenaline was surging, weighted by the fear of discovery and impatience that surrounded the dialogue that I hadn't been privy to, but regardless was heavily involved in. It felt like I had closed the door in 2 seconds flat. "You should try out for track, you're quite the sprinter." The girl's face was grimly set. Neither of us smiled despite the attempt at good humour and the associations we had previously forged with this dusty space.

"Would adding another string to my bow be enough for get your fathers' off my back?" I murmured, unable to stop my bitterness leeching out to poison into every corner. It wasn't a good start.

"Quinn, don't…please." That additional word killed me. I had never heard the brunette sound that drained before. _I recognise that look. _The realisation wasn't pleasant. My back was pressed to the door, acting as useless extra barricade, and I moved towards her, holding my breath. _Don't ruin this, Quinn. She needs you with her not against. _It wasn't enough though, the words exploded unimpeded, as if I hadn't tried in the least.

"Jesus, Rach, don't tell me not to react, I heard him. I could handle being a bad influence, that's nothing new. I mean, my own family treat me like the black sheep, 24 7, but it's gone beyond surface judgements now, hasn't it? They think I'm…that this relationship is damaging to you and it carries weight as much as I hate to admit it." My forehead fell against hers and I didn't want to say the next sentence, but I was losing every fight against myself and so it wasn't surprising when it filled the momentary silence between us. "He might as well have christened me Lena II. Your dad, hell both of them, thinks that I'm the world's biggest fuck up. I can't bear it."

Rachel stepped back. "No, not you, _me._ You've got it all wrong;I'm the one who they think is a mess. Daddy told me that he thinks I'm getting too wrapped up in you. He said that it's best to nip my reckless behaviour in the bud before it escalates, he actually used those phrases, like I'm unhinged or something, how patronising is that?"

"What are they so afraid of?" The question was so utterly disregarded that I temporarily wondered if I had voiced it aloud at all, my head was too jumbled to organise actual speech from the thoughts that were scattering and regrouping faster than I could hope to grasp them.

The brunette shook her head, continuing unabated. "Of course Figgins, wholeheartedly agreed, giving the whole spiel about the detrimental effect of my 'fiery' outlook to my educational goals. He inferred that I won't get into NYADA if I carry on the way I'm headed."

I was torn between diffusing the tension and my counter-productive need for answers. "Rachel, what happened in Paris?"

The other girl didn't speak for so long that I almost parroted my question back; it was only the swirling darkness of her pupils that stopped me. Her expression made one thing clear, she'd heard me, and in fact, more than that, I'd almost lost her to the scope of memories. Feeling powerless, I traced her life-line with unsteady fingertips. It served as a reminder for her of my presence, and some anchorage for myself. I took it the gesture to be the wisest decision I had made since leading the two of us into the supply closet, it was calming, and there was no doubt we both took a measure of comfort from the act.

"She betrayed me and I reacted." The tone of her statement was so matter of fact that I suddenly couldn't think of a suitable response that wasn't an echo of what I had already asked. _But what did you DO? _My inner voice screamed uselessly, needing details. As it was, I didn't have to wait very long for those, the particulars of the brunette's reaction came out flowed out of her mouth so fast that I struggled to piece them all together. _Be careful what you wish for, Quinnie, _another of my father's gems. The girl only paused to take her frustrations out on her bangs, her annoyance as determined as the strands themselves were to obscure her one eye now matter how forcefully she flipped them away. I wasn't the only one waging a war on my insides. Just when I began to worry that she might get whiplash from the violent head tilts, Rachel commenced an attack on her nails, tearing them into bloody shreds. My rock had become a carbon copy of myself, so reminiscent that it was painful to watch.

"It's going to be alright." I whispered softly, smothering her with my own body, shielding my girlfriend from the overwhelming destructive forces that the situation had stirred up.

She couldn't stop though; the story was apparently unmindful of the personal toll it was taking. "I made one stupid mistake and nobody will let me forget it…" I listened intently; it didn't catch me off guard hearing that Rachel had only stayed gone from Lena's apartment for as long as it took for the notoriously hardcore 100 pound girl to get drunk; however I was startled at how utterly her normally laid-back façade crumbled. I was unable to visualise her throwing a bottle against the side of the building, regardless of how she described her blurred recollection of it and as she revealed more, the number of questions I held back grew. My girlfriend's original goal, which plausibly was the desire to collect her belongings, soon escalated in full blown war by all accounts. I suppose seeing all your treasured belongings casually tossed out from the balcony and left to fall into the gutters would do that to a person, but the Rachel I knew didn't seem the type. I didn't blame her, to do so was heartless even by the standards my imagination had set for the girl's ex, I was just stunned at the apparent transformation.

"Did she call the cops on you too, because that's low." I retorted, already having made the obvious connection given her dads' response to the rent-a-cops that busted up the party. It was the most logical avenue for their present intense dislike of me.

"No, for what it's worth, she spared me that. Her neighbours made a noise complaint, but ended up the same way, me spending a night in a drunk tank, waking up terrified that I was going to face charges for an argument that I couldn't even properly remember." She sighed, rubbing her temples, either in remembrance of that hangover or in an attempt to ward off a tension headache. "I just wished I'd never…" When the brunette trailed off, I didn't press her to complete the thought.

"Maybe I could speak to them, make them see that Paris is ancient history. I mean, it's totally different this time, you're the hero of the piece not the villain, I'm sure we could make them understand." My speech sounded assured, but deep inside I couldn't stop obsessing over the way I had been dismissed earlier. Clearly, whatever impassioned plea I made would be taken with a grain of salt; it wasn't going to be an easy chat.

"Do your worst, at this point, I can't see the harm in giving you free reign." It wasn't the confidence boost I was hoping for, but I nodded as if it had been. She didn't deserve to see my doubts. On top of my niggling concerns, I couldn't help wondering how to face my own parents, especially if they'd discovered that my bed hadn't been slept in last night. Given their schedules it was a long shot, but I'd learnt my lesson, luck wasn't something that I had an abundance of these days. All the same, confronting and appeasing the Berry men didn't feel like a task that could wait. _It's going to be very tense with all of us gathered around the birthday candles. _I had no choice. Rachel Berry wasn't just my girlfriend; she was somebody's fiercely protected daughter. Her family had always been in the picture, I loved them for that and so this time I didn't want the changes that had occurred to stick.


	35. Chapter 35

**Not much to say really, except I like parallels and little flashbacks to happier moments (you may have noticed lol.) Also I'm trying to be speedier with the updates now that the countdown to completion begins so I hope you approve. There is only one more chapter and an epilogue of sorts to come before we are all done. (Try not to cry dear readers I know it has been a long journey.)**

The first thing that struck me as I was welcomed into the Berry house was that Rachel wasn't there. Of course, she hadn't outright committed herself to staying by my side for this dreaded tête-à-tête, but I'd taken for granted that she would appear in the doorway as soon as I arrived. "We've been expecting you." For once Leroy's tone didn't sound ominous, but the cheer that I'd long equated with his greetings was missing and detecting that didn't help my growing sense of unease. Without my girlfriend the encounter felt more like an ambush than I'd hoped. "Tea?" It was a perfunctory question born more of stilted politeness than anything, but I nodded all the same. As he disappeared off to fulfil my request, my eyes wondered to the wall of photographs, and I was reminded that this house used to be a home away from home for me. _If it was such a refuge, why did I suddenly feel like an unwanted guest? _It took all my nerve not to text my girlfriend and bring her there to face the music too. _Don't, this is your mistake to fix, not hers._

With the warm mug cupped in my hands providing an artificial sense of comfort, I couldn't stall anymore. "Can't we just go back to the start? I understand why you're mad at me and you have every right, I know I don't deserve to be patted on the head for leading your daughter into trouble, but we both love her and she's the only one that's really suffering because of how things are. I can take whatever you see fit to dish out, believe me, Rachel though, she's-"

"You don't have to explain out daughter to us, Quinn, despite everything, I'd like to think we know her pretty well." Hiram retorted. I tried to analyse every nuance as he spoke, searching for any hidden meanings. Normally he was the straightforward one, but so much had altered lately that I couldn't trust in the previous dynamics. The last thing I wanted was to fall at the first hurdle.

"Maybe better than ever." Leroy added with a small smile. I drew some strength from that tiny curve, it humanised them both again.

"So then, you get where I'm coming from. I wouldn't dream of telling you both what to do, I'm just asking that you loosen the reigns a little. This dark cloud, the strict curfew…" I faltered suddenly, desperate not to lay my complaints on too thick. The two men weren't like my parents, yet they were still adults, and my upbringing railed against everything that it was necessary to say.

I was given an out anyway though, because it soon became obvious that Hiram, as the designated speaker, had been waiting for another opportunity to interject. "The thing is, there's method to our madness and we can't afford to do that, not now-"

Unfortunately, biting my tongue wasn't a strong suit of mine. I wasn't cowed, even if a locking of horns threatened as a result of my unpredictable temper. _Maybe a storm would clear the air. _"Yes, but as Rachel explained, the situation is about as far from a repeat of Paris as can be, I promise."Anxious for their trust, I looked down at the tea leaves, suddenly remembering the idiom 'a storm in a teacup' that my sister and her cronies had brought back from a trip to London. They were forever using it, working the phrase, rightly or wrongly, into their daily conversations. It happened so often that I couldn't help but parrot it back either, in spite of the fact that Frannie and I hardly occupied the same space for long. On this occasion the context didn't seem right, but the other girls had never concerned themselves with trivialities like misuse, they were too bothered by sounding chic, so I was couldn't be certain of the intended meaning. I never did get a dictionary and look it up, or take the necessary seconds to Google said term and after that afternoon I lost all desire to do so because it felt tainted by what came afterward. Of course later, it occurred to me that I should ask Rachel as the brunette did live in England for a while, but as of then, my internal vocabulary faux-pas was quickly forgotten.

The jury cleared their throats awkwardly, one peering over his glasses at his husband who in turn offered a simple nod and enabled the next few sentences to flow. I held my breath during the pause which wasn't much of a reprieve at all. "Lima may not have escalated that far yet, but those mistakes weren't far off and really, there are only so many fresh starts we can give her before these missteps begin to leave a permanent mark on her record."

There were no smiles now. My insides were so twisted up that I couldn't even fake civility anymore. "New York is a long way off though, and she'll be so busy with school and everything, so you shouldn't worry. Rachel's focused on Broadway, she isn't going to jeopardise her future again, not for anyone, including me." The pledge wasn't technically mine to make but I felt confident in it all the same. Since the brunette had first told me of her plans, we had discussed it many times at length, most often on the phone together, fighting sleep. I was sure of her commitment in the same way that I was certain that I would let nothing derail my Yale dreams.

"You're right, and if that was the case, there would likely be no cause for concern, but unfortunately as we told our daughter this afternoon, I've accepted a new post in Seattle." Uncharacteristically, it was Leroy who delivered the deathblow. He paused, resting a hand on my arm. The gesture wasn't consoling and I shrank away.

"It was nothing personal; we just had to get our house in order before we left."Hiram cut in. I gripped porcelain so tightly that I expected it to shatter and bite viciously into my palms. It didn't, in fact it didn't even wobble as I placed it down with an eerie degree of calmness. I was detached from the room, already gone, in my mind I was running towards wherever I would find Rachel. She would know what to do, she'd always come through in the past. _What if it's too much this time, the final straw?_

The outburst didn't belong to me. "Nothing personal! You're taking my girlfriend away when we barely have any time together before graduation as it is! My voice was rising hysterically, providing yet more evidence that it wasn't my throat screaming. "How could you do this, you know what we've been through, the lengths we've both gone to in order to be together." My eyes started burning but I didn't want them to wipe away my tears so I held them back. I tried to remain strong and defiant. "This isn't right." I couldn't listen to the Berry's reasoning, it didn't help to be told that the distance they had placed between the other girl and I was engineered to help us cope better with this news. _A dry run. _To me, all it felt like was that Rachel's dads' had cruelly robbed us. No amount of apologies or logic could fix this. "How long?" I finally choked out. It's the only piece that I lay claim to, that sad, tiny, whimper of a question. That alone, coupled with the salt I could taste, felt real.

Leroy's voice was soft, almost unbearably gentle. It made me want to punch him. My fists clenched into tight balls at my side. "We go in 10 days, I'm sorry, Quinn." I stormed out then, all sense of respectfulness abandoned. _Let them think I'm a petulant child or over emotional teenager, I don't care. _Finding the brunette was the only thing occupying me, and with every frantic step, I wracked my brain for where she could be hiding out. The state of was in, my cell phone had all the significance of a useless plastic brick, and not once did I think to pull it out of my pocket. I lost myself to thoughts of what Rachel found cheering and the answer didn't take long for my mind to gather. Top of that list were Banana muffins, a treat that her grandma used to bake when she was little, and her favourite order at The Lima Bean. I headed straight there.

It was only a short walk but when I arrived I didn't take much delight from being correct, the brunette looked as desolate as I felt, surrounded by a plate of crumbs and a tabletop littered with Styrofoam confetti. I watched her fingers rip and shred to make more phony snowflakes as I approached, feeling chilled. I had no idea what to say. The silence stretched as she appraised me with red-rimmed eyes. In the end I ordered a hot chocolate that I didn't want just because I couldn't stand the uselessness of myself in those opening minutes. The instructions to the barista at least, were something I could be confident and unwavering in. Yet, the separation of being at the counter, as close as it was, felt unsettling and I didn't stand and wait. Instead I was back at the table as though the process of my order was a relay race that I was desperate to finish. The redhead serving gave me a strange look in regard to the jittery movements and sombre monosyllables that I offered her, but it barely impacted my consciousness beyond the recognition that I was sick of being judged and dismissed.

I pulled the vacant chair even closer so that our knees were touching."Rach." Her name was spoken like a prayer.

"Everything Noah and I did was designed to stop this from happening, I was so scared that your parents would pull you out of Mckinley, I never thought…"Tears swallowed up the rest. "How could I let everything backfire, why didn't I think?" She mumbled in a half sob, mostly to herself.

I was usually the first to cry, but tear ducts had emptied themselves on the journey. "Because you're the most selfless and loyal girl I've ever met, and I'm lucky enough that you love me beyond all rational thought, that's why." I replied softly, absorbing her sadness with my thumbs as best I could. My name was called to encourage me to collect my drink. I didn't move.

"How many more obstacles can there be?" I hated the creeping defeat I could hear, although deep down I couldn't pretend that my own psyche I didn't recognise the feeling.

"We always knew there was going to be distance." I said, trying to be practical, although every fibre of my being longed to echo Rachel's sense of injustice. _It shouldn't be happening yet, we should still have time. _Unfortunately, wishing didn't make it so. I still don't know if the brunette responded beyond a shake of her head because she was utterly buried in the shapeless mound of wool that I had thrown on earlier to evade the chill. The girl was clinging to me so fiercely that her knuckles had turned white, her weeping growing into the hiccupping, breathless type of sobs which are almost soundless and somehow infinitely more devastating. I temporarily gave up on words, holding her and speaking with the strength of my arms and circling fingertips instead. More than anything, I wanted to kiss her, to take away the pain the way I had the only other time I'd seen her cry, and it made me curse the town limits anew realising that I couldn't risk it.

A long time passed before she was recovered enough to speak to me properly. "I'm really starting to like this place." The fact that it was a rasp that I had to strain to hear, that brokenness made the simple parallel all the more powerful. Everything that had embodied the phrase the first time had been deleted. I'll never forget how Rachel Berry looked in that moment.

Still I tried. "Wherever you go, you'll still be a part of my world. Don't underestimate how far my web can stretch." The faintest of smiles was my reward for persevering and it made my stomach flip as if it was a megawatt grin. I clung to that.

"I haven't forgotten." The other girl pressed her lips to mine. I hoped that it was because her level need was intense and she'd never possessed the type of fear that paralysed me and not because my girlfriend felt that she had nothing left to lose. I'm still afraid to ask in case I don't get the reply I crave. Irrespective though, the quick peck gave infused me with strength, acting as the necessary jolt to get my thought process devoted to solutions. I had to consider every angle. Doing nothing and effectively just wallowing wouldn't save us, but on the other hand, false hope would reignite my girlfriend's despair like a match.

Thankfully a suitable way out wasn't buried too deep however and it found it faster than I expected, finding that the plan seemed to hold up even after I checked it for holes. I was satisfied enough to share it at any rate. "Rachel, what would you say if I told you that I might have found a way that you could stay here in Lima until graduation?" It was a question and yet I didn't give her a chance to respond. I was proud, but more than that I was exhilarated, every nerve jangling with a mixture of apprehension and anticipation. "Because the answer could be closer than you think, just a few blocks away in fact."

Rachel clicked immediately. Desperation had served to sharpen her wits to a finer point than ever. "Santana's spare room."

I nodded. "She's been offering it to me for ages, ever since my mom…" I trailed off, not wanting to taint the upswing of my mood with bad memories.

"The problem is, even if my dads' would consent, which I doubt would ever happen in a million years, I can't stay there."

I was suddenly frantic, refusing to let her shut down my happy ever after so easily. "I wasn't really jealous! I know you'd never-"

The brunette cut me off resolutely. "It's not about you." Unexpectedly it was like I'd drank a limitless coffees and the buzz had chosen that exact instant to wear off. I stared at my abandoned order gloomily, unable to either gain any self-control or use my distinct lack of composure to meet Rachel's eye and demand things that weren't fair. She continued anyway. "I didn't mean it like that, only it's always been me and my dads' and home was always wherever the 3 of us were, do you see what I'm trying to say?"

"I understand, but I guess I just thought that you had a new home now."

"The truth is, I love you so much and I don't want to leave you, but it's like you said wherever we end up, I know I still have you. If I stay in Lima, I'm not sure my relationship with my family can survive the way I need it too." _How could I argue with that?_ I nodded, aiming to be supportive and accept everything. Rachel had never asked anything like this from me and I wasn't about to let her down.

"It looks like we are both going to have to make sacrifices sooner than we're ready to, doesn't it?" I stated, trying to keep the anger and bitterness to a minimum, unwilling to cause the other girl any misplaced guilt.

"The sacrifice which causes sorrow to the doer of the sacrifice is no sacrifice." I had no idea that she was quoting Gandhi to me then, all my attention was funnelled into not crumbling. I focused on Rachel's hands, wrapped over mine. "We have to focus on what we're choosing rather than giving up. It might not seem like it, but I'm still choosing to be with you, remember that okay, no matter what."


	36. Chapter 36

**At this point I feel like there is no point writing a long authors note, I've already said my thanks, and I'll be undoubtedly saying it again after the epilogue type thingy is done, so I'll just let this update (the penultimate chapter I suppose) speak for itself. **

**Oh and for anyone that's interested, the lyrics Quinn uses are from **_**Tiger Lily **_**by **_**Matchbook Romance **_**whilst Rachel uses **_**Teleport A & B **_**by **_**The Spill Canvas.**_

Any attempt to describe those final ten days with Rachel would be a waste of breath. Even if I had been able to gather my jumbled thoughts, I doubt that the adequate amounts of adjectives exist. Besides which, I still cannot get my head around the concept that something can be so joyous when at the same time every inch of you is aware that it's temporary. Back then, every moment had a treacherous hourglass over it, the minutes racing or going slow enough to seem suspended, with no rhyme or reason at all. Worst of all, neither me nor Rachel were in control of which moments stretched or skipped, that particular remote control having been hidden from us both. To that end, we clung to and trusted in whatever we could in order to halt the pain, existing alongside the awareness that it was impossible to cram an imagined lifetime into such a small time scale or live in such a confined space. Our entire world became Rachel's bedroom, and I survived for the evenings when we could be alone and uninterrupted. Sadly the days were not endless and all we could do was carve out memories to heal us later, keepsakes in particular, existing as something to curl our fingertips around.

Seeing the way that the brunette clutched at the mementos, which never seemed to be enough, gave me the courage to indulge in what was never my habit. In that moment as I touched pen to paper we overlapped. For the first time, I gave her a note which wasn't just a sentence or two in reply passed back across desks. Of course, I adhered to the tradition she'd started, it seemed fitting after all the occasions she had done the same for me. My offering, which I slipped into her beloved satchel read: _**I guess I'll just bite my tongue and accept 'someday, somehow' as the words that we'll hang from. I don't want to make things any worse. Why don't we hit restart, and pause it at our favourite parts. We'll skip the goodbyes…. **_On the back I added my own emotional outpouring. _**They won't take our forever, yours always Q xx**_ Those lines were shakier, slightly smudged and heavily indented into the page where I'd pressed down. I hoped tear blotted ink wouldn't become my new signature, since it never had for Rachel Berry, and nobody could deny that the idea was far less cheery than pink ink. _It's not how I want to be defined. _I thought anxiously.

All the same though, I couldn't bring myself to start again. One new forced beginning felt like enough. _Let it be real._ It wasn't as if I could hide from the girl anyway and I knew she'd appreciate the sentiments, both reflected in the song and my penmanship, especially because they echoed how hard I was struggling not to let my anger become a poison apple hanging over our Eden. _Keep it together, Fabray _my psyche yelled forcibly, but it was easier said than done. Regrettably, I didn't always win that battle. I couldn't let go of the way her fathers' had sprung the move on us. It was too caviller for my tastes. In my family even something as simple as planning a dinner together didn't go ahead without numerous stilted discussions back and forth. It took my mother 6 months to decide what shade to repaint the kitchen and the choices were between eggshell and Magnolia.

"How can they give you so little notice?" I fumed, pacing the floor for the millionth time as the other girl loaded more film into her Polaroid, her tally also countless. She shrugged, lost in the instant gratification of the photographs blooming before her eyes. I said nothing. I understood. It was a coping mechanism, like my desire to collect everything and box it to pore over later, or for that matter, my uncharacteristic note.

"It could be worse, when I came home last time my room was already packed in boxes."

"Paris?" The word provoked a bad taste. _How can I detest a city I've never visited?_

Rachel pursed her lips, reluctant to nod. "Quinn, I appreciate that you're mad, but just listen, over there, they use this phrase 'De tout s'avise a qui pain faut.' It literally means don't chase shadows and lose the substance-"

I didn't let her finish, I couldn't. I didn't want 10 cents worth of wisdom; I just wanted this situation not to be happening. "I understand not sweating the small stuff, I do, but this isn't some insignificant little problem we're facing, you're leaving me!"

The camera was quickly abandoned. The other girl cleared everything from the bed and pulled me towards it, where I sank into the mattress like another object to be packed. I couldn't stand the comparison, so I curled into her lap, inhaling and immortalising her with every sense I could spare. "I'm leaving Lima, not you, never you." She replied softly. _Say it again, _I thought, _don't ever stop telling me. _The despair leeched out all the same though, at odds to everything I longed to feel. I yearned for optimism, blind faith, but I was tripping over too much misery to locate it.

"I want you at my side, not miles away occupying some dot on the map. Seattle is 3 hours behind. You know what my parents are like, what if we don't get a chance to speak." What I wanted to add, the secret fears that my inner voice kept yelling, was, _what if you forget me, find somebody better? What if I'm not the happy ending but just another chapter, a footnote?_ It was stupid to think like that when I knew that her feelings matched mine, but it scared me that I wouldn't have the opportunity to meet her eyes and see love reflected, every day, like I'd grown used to.

Obviously by now I should have been equipped to deal with distance, Puck and I hadn't grown apart, in fact the opposite was true, yet I was still terrified. "We won't let that happen, we'll make sure-" Again I cut off her reassurances.

"Please don't say, no matter what, I hate that it always comes back to that fucking phrase." _I never wanted our relationship to be against the odds._

Rachel smiled; I noticed that it hadn't dimmed, a realisation which made me feel better than countless words ever would. "So I won't say it." She retorted with a chuckle, linking her pinkie with mine as Santana and Brittany often did. "I'll just promise."

I grinned back at my girlfriend just as fiercely. "Okay, me too, I swear that I'll do everything in my power to ensure that you are stuck with me, for always, just like the endings of those Hollywood fluff fests that annoy you so much." I can still conjure up the contented smirk she wore then whenever I close my eyes; it's etched on my retinas.

Right about now I should probably mention that typically, during the goodbye, which neither of us could do anything to take the edge off, Rachel embodied everything I didn't. The brunette was a vision of dignity and composure. Hollywood would have been proud of her, whereas my sorrow played out in glorious surround sound. There was no escape. I rallied against it, of course I did, but it was like the other girl had keenly reminded me many times before, I was only human. It was another souvenir that I chalked up next to the others, reciting the words like a pre-sleep vow to keep me strong. _It's okay not to be okay. _My girlfriend was the first person in my life who had ever fully owned up to that truth. Therefore, as acceptable as it may be, feeling like I did, home was a no-go. It wasn't unfeasible that my parents could be oblivious enough to disregard my emotional state, but I couldn't take the risk. I was certain that the slightest acknowledgement, be it a word or glance, would set me off and that wasn't how I wanted to tell my father the truth about Rachel and I.

Consequently, my feet landed me on the Puckerman porch. I longed for the type of solution that would result in blanket unconsciousness and temporary forgetting, of that final scene at least and he'd never failed to provide the bottom of a bottle kind of solace. Once I'd arrived, I discovered immediately that he was grounded again, but it didn't change much in the way of my goals for the evening. I was content to drink warm-ish cans of beer in his yard whilst making conversation about anything trivial. His old hammock was comfortable and there was nobody to bother us. The alternatives were just as painful anyway and when I weighed it up, I decided that the biggest advantage of the current situation was the relief that could be found from not having to worry about being mauled in some sweaty club. Deep down, I wasn't sure the hairpin trigger presently operating inside of me could have handled those obstacles. It was better this way. Before the sun went down we both happily lay idle, describing crude shapes that the clouds formed. It was an effortless, no frills pastime that we often indulged in to avoid conversation and I was grateful to fall back into the habit.

That is, until the stars sprung up around us, assaulting my vision like a bolt from the blue. I scrunched my eyes shut then. I heard a variant of the game continuing around and suddenly everything hurt so much more deeply. Stars were a metaphor for Rachel Berry. "Can we go somewhere where there's no sky?" I mumbled from behind my weighted eyelids. I didn't need to ask twice. Despite the risk of burning yet more bridges with his mom, Puck took me to the very same type of club that I had been so eager to avoid hours earlier and refused to judge when I embraced it with a throrough emotional U-turn.

Of course, the escapism couldn't last forever; it was as temporary as the cocoon I had built with my girlfriend during that march of days. We had to emerge sooner or later. "You ready?" He yelled. _No. _I didn't say it aloud. The question felt redundant, I'd been ambushed by everything that had happened lately. I hadn't accepted or welcomed any of it but it had gone ahead anyway, occurring with or without my consent. "It's a new day." He added with a mischievous smile, as if the arrival of the dawn would make me feel better, when in fact it just cemented my helplessness.

"It might be a new day, but it's the same town, with the same parents waiting for me and the same empty bed." I retorted unhappily, my sorrow likely amplified by the faint slurring.

Puck didn't rise to the bait and instead laughed in the face of my melodramatics, not that I'd expected anything else. _That was why you went to him, wasn't it? No use crying of getting what you wanted. _The voice in my head was right; I didn't even try to refute it. However, I did raise an eyebrow when he threw his phone at me, particularly because while I stared down at the tempting, glowing green button, the boy only encouraged me further. "She didn't die, just do us all a favour and make the call Q, you'll feel better and then so will I. You know that several girls have been giving me the eye tonight right and like the bro I am, I sacrificed-" I tuned his drunken ramblings out and attempted to focus on the blurry screen. I thought it must be about 2am in Seattle, meaning that my girlfriend would be sleeping, like I should have been. I did allow myself a second of indulgence nonetheless, wondering what her new bedroom was like, if she'd unpacked her stuffed bear yet and if he gave her any comfort at all. There were thousands of other little questions I was dying to ask, but mostly, I was eager to know whether or not the brunette was dreaming surrounded by photos of us and this place. I hoped she stayed tethered, just a fraction. Part of me was tempted to ask Puck if those thoughts were selfish, but he was already dragging me back towards home, humming a song we'd just left behind and my head was spinning too much to form words in any case.

When I did eventually reach my house, I couldn't tell if the coldness was coming from the walls themselves or radiating from my own body. Either way, I couldn't eradicate the chill from my bones. Running a hot shower wasn't possible without waking the entire house, so I collapsed into the warmth of my robe. I never imagined finding a sliver of hope in the pocket, but I should have. It should have been the first thing to cross my mind once Rachel was gone, and I was amazed that I hadn't scoured every inch of my bedroom searching for exactly that. She never let me down. _How does she do it?_ In my stupor, I decided that the girl must be a little bit psychic and even now, I stand by the notion that she has a sixth sense when it comes to me. Unfolding the piece of paper woke me up. Happiness could easily be reclaimed because the message was so appropriate that it touched every nerve. _**We're cleverly, strategically challenging our fright and insecurities. Hypothetically if you were point A and theoretically if I was point B, we would be frantically melting into one massive point that could overcome anything.**_ She didn't sign it and I assumed that meant that she'd also kept the back neglected, but the familiar pink ink was there, winking at me, eager to be examined. There was only one word. It said _**soon xx**_

It didn't worry me then, and likewise it doesn't now, that Rachel Berry held my feelings hostage so utterly and remains the only person capable of flipping my emotions in any way that's lasting. After all, she's been under my skin since that first day and shaped my universe for months. It was like when she found me that day in the bathroom after I almost ruined my friendship with Santana and somehow fixed everything without saying much at all. It's a gift and a pattern that I'm grateful of. The girl knocked sense into me with that final message. I read it with new eyes and understood that I'd been looking at things all wrong, this wasn't the end, only another delayed start. We could handle it. I was sure.


	37. Chapter 37

**So we've reached the end finally. Thanks for all your kudos. I appreciate every review, favourite and follow. Here is the epilogue of sorts, complete with the obligatory time jump. I hope you like it. I've left some loose ends purposefully untied because I adore this universe and this Rachel in particular, too much to let go entirely. **

Long ago I said that my universe began to fall apart as soon as I set eyes on Rachel Berry. At the time I viewed this shake-up as a negative force, ripping through my carefully ordered life. To put it bluntly, I was wrong. I thought that college would be my catalyst, of course it still is, but it's not the true escape that came before, when the brunette appeared. Before her, my focus was singular, always fixed ahead, next semester, next month, or better yet next year. I ticked off each day like an accomplished goal and recited the passing of time like a mantra _just one more year, _counted down. In many ways that's the only thing that hasn't changed and I don't really mind any more because we made it, both of us. School's out. The summer stretches ahead like an undying promise.

I see the satchel before I spot her; _obviously_. It occurs to me that if that isn't poetic then I don't know what is. _She's living verse. _ I savour the scene, unblinking, without breathing. I just want to freeze the moment undisturbed. I let it play out. My enjoyment goes beyond the prospect of having one over on the normally astute girl, although when I finally make them, my movements are tinted with that. In fact, I'm afraid that my grin will reach her before my footsteps do. It's okay though, _everything _is.

"Fancy seeing you here." I murmur.

Rachel isn't floored for long. She wears her usual smirk until it curls into an irrepressible curve. "It must be fate." We embrace without any hint of self-consciousness; the invigorating summer air that filled our lungs shared its freedom. The kiss that follows is like the first. It speaks of a new start. This carefree fusion of lips, unmindful of stares, is everything that we couldn't have or hold onto before. We're in Dickinson, North Dakota, almost the exact halfway point between our collective homes (if you can call them that) and on paper it doesn't really look that far, but to me it was another world away. My eyes don't flicker once, and hers don't either. I squeeze her hand purely because I relish any contact, not for reassurance.

"So where are we headed, oh wise one?" I finally ask when I'm not panting and sure that there's enough residual breath to speak without my voice quivering. It would take the shine off my teasing if I sounded undone.

"Don't look at me, you've got the map." I know she's trying to return the taunt and I don't fall for it. Eventually, pouting, she pulls out her version of the crumpled paper. I conveniently sync it so that mine appears in unison (which isn't nearly as tricky or impressive as it sounds since it's been pressed into the pocket of my jacket the entire time) and toss it in front of her. It's still folded, since the other girl's is stretched to fill the table top. Rachel's copy is marked out with tiny stars which reveal our route exactly as discussed. I'm not surprised. Organisation has always been more of my girlfriend's forte and we'd devoted many telephone calls, as well as the scant weekend visits to our planning. It was all we'd dreamt about, which was why I didn't mock my girlfriend for first insisting upon an old school paper copy. I was aware that she would cherish it long after. Likewise, I'd often stared at mine, pinned to the back of my closet door when the day to day monotony of Lima got too much. It made me miss her less.

I decide to leave the other girl to her islands of paper, slipping away to the counter to be useful too. She barely notices as I place a Chai tea at her elbow but I can't help feeling that caffeine will be necessary to keep our energy levels as high as our spirits. We have time to kill before our first flight out and like children at Christmas; our adrenaline can only carry us so far. _I don't want to fall asleep waiting_. Once she finally regards my offering, Rachel is bemused. "Plane rides were made for naps, you know. You don't have to worry."

"You're right and maybe I'm being silly but I just don't want to miss a moment, that's all." I reply tentatively, concerned that she will laugh at me. The girl is a seasoned traveller, whereas I've hardly racked up any air miles during my 17 years on the planet. I refuse to count the sterile hotels that my parents keep me confined in as a real vacation, especially because they never let me venture beyond the complexes. It shouldn't count. My mother's idea of travel is The Hamptons. This adventure was real.

"Suddenly, I have no desire to close my eyes either." Rachel took a long sip before resting her hand over mine. ." I beamed.

"I never thought I'd be so grateful for my low self esteem. Just think, if not for all the allowance I squirreled away for laser eye surgery, this wouldn't be happening." The other girl gently pushes my glasses up the bridge of my nose, making me giggle by placing a light kiss on the skin.

"I'm thankful too, have I mentioned how sexy you look in these?" The butterflies have never left me, but they brought reinforcements in the wake of that seductive whisper.

Somehow I maintained eye contact. "Maybe once or twice." She's still leant over, just millimetres away from me, successfully navigating all the clutter. Her own focus shifted back to my lips, and so I licked them deliberately.

"Let's call this third time lucky then." Her voice has dropped another octave, becoming even huskier. Each word escapes like an individual breath. My girlfriend is toying with me, making my pulse spike with the insistent pressure of her teeth as she pulls my bottom lip into her mouth. It's the kind of game that will never end and her pace is unhurried. Ultimately my impatience causes me to twist her fingers into her hair, urgently pulling and _needing. _

The means I have of measuring how long we stayed like that, glued together is the lukewarm coffee resting between us. Then again, it could have come like that; this place is only a tiny step up from a vending machine. As if summoned by magic, the waitress appears to offer refills. We both accept gladly, smirking. "Off on your travels, huh? I bet you can't wait to get out of here." The emphatic nods occur in unison as the woman surveys the plotted points. "Hey wait, you two lovebirds have missed out Paris, that can't be right!" Her finger hovers over the unmarked city. I freeze awkwardly.

Rachel's voice is bright, she's better at hiding her feelings than I, a girl whose grimace can probably be seen from space. She doesn't shudder or wince. "No mistake. The city of light and I already have the quite the history and my girlfriend...uh-"

Despite the brunette being the more composed, I still jump in. I need to answer for myself apparently. The justification shouldn't still matter, but I'm stubborn to a fault. _Some things never change. _"How can I put this, Paris is like someone you've never met in person, but you've heard enough to actively dislike them anyway." The waitress laughed at my comparison, nodding as she moved away; blissfully oblivious to the live wires she had prodded. I turned back to Rachel. "Sorry, I don't mean for it to still be such a sore point. I guess even after all this time; I'm still not the bigger person."

"It's okay, Quinn, I get it." My eyes implored her, until I was satisfied and believing. She smiled. "We could always make new memories though; it isn't too late to squeeze one more destination into the schedule."

My face was an echo of hers. "Are you sure you're up to the challenge? You'd have your work cut out changing my mind."

She nodded. "I accept. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's chasing away ghosts. I thought up the thunder song, remember?"

"That's true; however, one thing _I'm_ good at is getting my own way. I got my dad to agree to this trip, albeit a censored version, remember?"

"Alright, you win. Oh and on the subject of your dad, I don't care what mine say, I'm coming to see you off when you leave for Yale and I'm perfectly willing to tackle Russell then."

I was speechless. "Just when I think I have the perfect girlfriend, she outdoes herself. You'd really do that for me? Face his wrath...Oh Rach...you make it impossible not to adore you!" I threw my arms around her, smothering any words she might have been about to utter.

She did somehow manage a muffled "He doesn't scare me and even if he did, a little, love trumps fear every time. It's that simple."

"I love you too. That said; don't think I'll let you get away with changing the subject like that. You can't give up so easily, that wouldn't be the Rachel Berry I know and love talking, would it? Not that same girl who also told me that the people make the place." I paused, savouring my fresh coffee for a moment. I wanted her to be hanging on my every word when I continued. "You could still win this. In fact I have no doubt that you could make me fall in love with anywhere."

"Whilst that's good to hear, you've beat me again, you see, you already did that." I make some illegible, gobsmacked sound. My vocabulary has been rendered useless for the second time in as many minutes. _What could I say?_ There's no adequate answer. For once I don't take my ineptitude as a failing, I'm glad Rachel has floored me once more. My heart overflows. Truthfully, the brunette is still a hurricane, but I've grown rather fond of rain.


End file.
